Mystic Falls Messenger
It’s an 80s cliché explosion! Duran Duran could totally have been Lost Boys! Dance into the fire, That fatal kiss is all we need, Dance into the fire, When all we see is the view to a kill!
Editor’s note: Props to Ruthie for the awesome screencaps, and tolerating our lateness. There were just so many people to calm down after this epi aired we kept getting interrupted!
CREEPING TOM PANTS POLICE
Picture this. Wake up in a strange bed with no inkling where you are, and you weren’t even drinking the night before. Gorgeous sleeping blonde draped seductively around your torso. You spy your clothes draped strategically across a chaise lounge across the room and it hits you–guilt, stupidity, the fact that you have no toothbrush, with only the thought of sneaking out before your head smack wakes the blonde. Morning wood is NOT an option. You carefully extricate yourself from said blonde, vampspeed over to the lounge, throw on only your hoodie, grab your pants and make your way to the door. Almost safe when BOOM! Caught undead in your tracks, face-to-face sans pants with blondie’s nasty Creeping Tom older brother. Stefan needed dirty dawg sleeping around lessons! Guffaw! Who knew Mystic Falls had its very own sexy rom-com duo? We digress.
Once aroused and madder than a wet hen, Bex was none too pleased Nik was in da house! He arrived to remind her their paranoid bro Kol had Stake 2.0, homicide brain, oh, and by-the-by, the remainder of his Original daggers. Just where had Klaus been hiding them? With Esther’s body? With the Great and Powerful Sword? In the underwear drawer? Sibling bickering brought out Klaus’ real motive for breaking up the sordid tryst. Kol’s irrational fear of Silas made him batshit crazy, and he needed to be ‘put down’. Klaus knew Bex had the last dagger and some white oak ash (there sure was a lot of that stuff bottled up–or it was on e-Bay?) and demanded she hand it over. REQUEST DENIED. Bex was no fool to leave herself unprotected, snidely suggesting Klaus leave by the time she got out of the shower. Haha!
The sound of running water was enough to mask Klaus’ attempt to cajole Stefan into getting the dagger from Rebekah. Stef had his pants and his composure back by this time, so he was outa there to go guard locked down Damon (compelled by Kol the night before to kill Jeremy). Klaus Tactic #2: If Stefan let Kol run around loose, Jeremy wouldn’t live till junior prom, and the Cure Map will go buh-bye. Help Klaus dagger Kol, Damon would be uncompelled, Jer would live, and they’d be well on their way to a Human Elena. Wait. Was Klaus last name really Grimm?
MFHS RESORTS TO THIRD STRING DECORATING COMMITTEE: We haven’t witnessed a good ole fashioned Decade Dance since, what? The Roaring Twenties dance of ‘Do Not Go Gentle’? This week’s ill-fated soiree saw an 80s theme, but neither society maven Caroline nor her evil twin Rebekah commanded the decorating troops! It was about damn time ‘always absent from the manual labor’ Bonnie got stuck at the gym blowing up balloons without a posse! Multitasking, Bon phoned up Elena to complain, but E was busy standing watch over Jeremy and his joined at the Xbox bud Matt.
The only way to keep Jer safe was at home. Kol had a hit out on Jer, Klaus had a vamp-slaying roadtrip planned, neither Original was ‘invited ‘into The Gilbert House, hence, SAFE. Ha! Elena briefly explained the Kill Kol Dead Sire Line Mark Complete Plan. Keep up, Bonnie, geez! Have you been inhaling the helium, and wouldn‘t a chipmunk voiced Bon have been hilarious? She would risk the wrath of Caroline and leave the decorating in nobody’s capable hands to come help. HIDDEN 80s CLICHÉ: Ten balloons short of a load–‘99 Red Balloons’ by Nena, and that was reality doubly funny! Get the lazy Xbox twins’ dirty dishes washed before Bonnie arrives! Oopsy! Why did the tap water hurt Elena’s hands?
INTERIM MAYOR REINSTATES MANDATORY CURFEW
Rudy Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity was busy this week exercising his new mayoral powers. Yep, he had ‘sources’ for vervain and tainted the town’s water supply (didn’t Alaric come up with that idea first?), reinstated the post-Council memorial catastrophe curfew, and cancelled all town events. INCLUDING the 80s Dance! Not that any of our little group gives a rat’s patoot about the curfew, nor the many missing or dead during the 2012-13 school year. Bonnie was outraged when she called home to confirm suspicion about the water; he overstepped his protective absentee parental bounds! Who the hell did he think he was, demanding a dysfunctional Family (of two) Meeting!?
’Twas the opportune moment for Kol to lamely ambush Bonnie (nobody gets The Cure if she‘s dead). BUT! She’s now powerful enough to bring an Original to his knees, trash some lockers, and pop a few balloons without breakin a sweat. Are Vampire Cramps worse than mindbullets?
MISADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING
Nannies “R” Us does NOT condone Stefan’s babysitting instructions to Klaus at the Stately Salvatore Manor cellar. Oh, Baby! Can we just mention how adorbs Damon was wakin up on the dirt floor, full of unmurderous snark and vinegar? Stef flipped his big bro a miniscule plasma hors d’oeuvre with a water back, instructing Nanny Nik to provide a vial every couple of hours, but bleed him if he regained too much strength or got too annoying. Pffffft!
Damon tried to get a rise outa Stefan with an Elena-sex crack, but it took Klaus ratting out the Bex booty call to make Stefan’s cute jaw-muscle twitch! Ripped a page out of Damon’s Revenge Sex Handbook! Enough. Stef was off to pry a dagger out of Rebekah (teehee), leaving two snarky eldest brothers to villain bond. See the feature on Undead Dating Tips for all the dish!
HOW DID ANCIENT VAMPIRES FUNCTION WITHOUT CELL PHONES?
On his way out, Stefan got a call from Elena. Not to check up on Damon, but to catch him up on Kol’s attempted Bonnie butcher, and that he was gunning for anyone looking for The Cure. Exactly. That’s why Klaus sent Stefan on the Bex dagger mission–to omit the threat by Kol-in-a-Box. Announcing Elena‘s Big Plan! Daggering was too good for Kol–she wanted Jer to make him dead-dead. Oh, geez, Elena, don‘t you know that selective Original Hybrid vamp-hearing might be eavesdropping? Lemme crank up my Harley to mask your words (and then the engine noise mysteriously disappeared one sentence later–blooper!).
Bon has the cra-cra power now and could maybe hold Kol still long enough for Jer to get a clean shot (um, with WHAT? Kol still had Stake 2.0. And nobody gives a shit who Kol‘s sired bloodline is anymore!?). Stef quickly pointed out the dysfunctional bickering lunatic bond between the Original siblings. Kill Kol and it would be the Nik and Bex Show on a spite murder spree! Elena In Charge–they could have human Matt use the dagger in question to prevent Rebekah revenge (methinks the ‘human must use dagger‘ issue was not Stefan‘s only concern). Bon The Great and Powerful thought she could also temporarily sideline Klaus (Bon sure knows a lot lately). Once the ‘good guys’ get hold of The Cure, they could use it against ‘them’ (Dead Kol and Daggered Bex leaves Klaus and absentee Elijah, Originals. We got confused for a moment). Stef kinda sorta agreed (not exactly), but asked what was the Kol bait?
iTUNES DOWNLOAD INTERRUPTED
Kol interrupted a causal bop-walk down a darkened street for a call from his old Denver batting cage bud Jeremy. Only it was Elena, calling for an in-person Silas truce. Think fast, E! Her offer to meet Kol anywhere (whilst Jer and VERY wide-eyed Matty were loading up Hunter weapons) got met with a DING DONG! Kol Kalling! Want a truce, open the door and invite him in. DAMMIT!
Hello, can you hear me now? Elena phone-stalled Kol as she sent Matt out the back to help Stefan find the dagger. It was semi-safe to invite Kol in–he wouldn’t lay a finger on Jeremy due to the torturous suicide-Hunter’s Curse, and already knew vervain anti-compulsant was back in supply.
A brain-cell kicked in reminding Jeremy (and everybody else) he was the only one who could do the inviting, though he needed to get Bonnie. SO! Well-armed Jeremy invited Kol in and exited the backdoor. Aha! As Kol was winding up his earbuds–what’s on YOUR iTunes playlist–RIGHT THERE! INSIDE HIS JACKET! STAKE 2.0 IN THE FLESH! IS THERE A PICKPOCKET IN THE HOUSE?!
What does the well-dressed ‘Maneater’ wear to a cancelled 80s Decade Dance? Stefan started his espionage mission by informing Rebekah to fire the stylist–no high-school dance for her, AGAIN! The tragic colors, the fabrics, the ‘crimes against fashion’ shoulder pads–she had ‘em all hauled out (where were the parachute pants and ‘Flashdance’ over-sized one shoulder sweatshirts and leg warmers?). If his visit wasn’t to ask her to be his 80s date, WTF was he there for? She was well aware he’d tried to creep outa her bed earlier, dropping him into that shy, innocent ‘I’m trying to get used to being a stud again’ look.
Let’s all flirt! Through the eyesex they determined Stef might be ‘up’ for another romp, even if he didn’t get the dagger. Skeptical Rebektical had been Stef’s doormat before! Brilliant way to get her outa the house (so Matty could get in to rifle her panty drawer for the dagger)–they could still ‘go’ to the dance, even if there wasn’t one!
UNDEAD DATING TIPS
The mysterious return of cot and furniture to the Salvatore Holding Cell! Why did they make that poor baby lay on the dirt floor a whole night? (Stop that, you’re supposed to be reporting!) Klaus passed his babysitting time ranting at Damon about improper Hunter training, missed barfly vampire slaying opportunities, and giving The Hunter a detour conscience. What he was REALLY after was dating advice from the most oft-laid bachelor in town! How does Damon manage to get Elena to forget all his horrific behavior? Willful ignorance, the sire-bond, compulsion, manipulation? What does Damon say to Elena that WORKS?
Look out, Klausie-poo, your soft-side Caroline weakness was showing! Never give a snarky, semi-fed Damon an opening, because he’ll pick up on it every time! Did poor Klaus think Caroline would never forgive him for murdering Carol Lockwood? Haha! Damon doesn’t mind being the Bad Guy, but you gotta do it with PURPOSE! Otherwise it just wasn’t worth forgiving. Not the deets Klaus was looking for, because it certainly didn’t give away any ancient Chinese secrets! Lol!
TEXTING AND DRINKING DON’T MIX
Back at semi-safe Gilbert House, Kol used his speedy reflexes to master Xbox as Elena dug out the leftover old-people booze (guess Alaric drunk up all the good stuff). The time was well-spent, as we FINALLY uncovered more of Kol’s backstory. Turn-of-the-century New Orleans was where truly imaginative drink-making was king! Yup, The Originals all (?) lived in NOLA until Klaus daggered Kol for no apparent reason. *cough set-up cough*
Elena’s former mutual interest in finding The Cure changed that topic swiftly. Former? She’d give up The Race for The Cure if Kol would promise to leave Jeremy alone. Elena batted her eyelashes so Kol would mix drinks, then hid behind the freezer door feigning ice retrieval to check texts:
TEXT CONVO WITH JEREMY
ELENA: He’s got the stake. Where is B?
JEREMY: Trying to find her. KEEP KOL THERE.
He was THERE all right. Right behind the fridge door ala Katherine. Jeremy was on his way to Bonnie’s house, since he’d called 17 times with no answer. For crissakes, woman, Kol’s inside The Gilbert House! Elena kept up the Kol stall, swilling gin-and-tonic and jibber-jabbering about her one and only kill. Bwahaaa! Kol called no-kill vampires Mary Sue’s! Love it! She snuck in a moment when Kol’s back was turned to check text again:
TEXT FROM MATT: No dagger yet. Need time.
Jibber-jabber turned to why Kol thinks Silas exists since nobody else seemed to. He used to run with some highly esteemed witches–14th century Africa, 17th century Haiti, New Orleans in the 1900s. *cough cough* They all knew about Silas and his need to stay buried. They said if Silas rouses he’ll (new excuse) ‘unleash Hell on Earth’. Not ‘End of All Time’? Get your story straight, Kol! At any rate, Kol likes Earth just the way it is, thank you very much! Biblical, but if peeps have lost faith, they no longer know who they should fear. Awesome!
‘PARENTAL GUIDANCE’ ISN’T JUST A PG RATING ANYMORE
We discovered the reason why Bonnie missed calls–the enforced Jerry Springer Family Meeting her coniving Dad demanded. Fool scarfed up her phone and her car keys–guess she got too used to just laying that shit down anywhere! Rudy Tooty had lost her mother to witchcraft, and cra-cra Shane said she was a time-bomb (uh-oh, we began to hear echoes of last week’s announcement of ’getting some help’).
Somewhat in the nick of time, Jer arrived pounding at the ridiculously mostly glass front door. Lemme just barge my way past the unwelcoming adult we’re ignoring to tell ya Kol is in The Gilbert House. “I have to go.“ “I said no.“ DON’T TELL ME NO! We knew that door was mostly glass for a reason! CRACK! (FX gone wild) Who was right there as Bonnie went to leave? Black-eyed Abby. And Rudy invited her in! Pick your jaws up off the floor!
THEY INTERRUPTED OUR TALE FOR A MOST OPPORTUNE CONUNDRUM COMMERCIAL! Working brains noted we were left with two agitated teens and two questionable parents, one of which was a Hunter and one an unprotected vampire. Hurry up and get back to the story!
We weren’t kept hangin for long. Rudy called Abby (The Help). Guess biological parentage comes with the right to boss your spawn around. She demanded to know who Professor Shane was and what he’d been teaching. Well, Jeremy was having none of this stalling, his sister was in trouble and they had no time for nonsense explanations! Uh-oh. Family matters. Elena Gilbert the cause for Vamp Abby’s turning. Get out! Hunter gene kick-in. Stake! Whew! Detourvention by Bonnie just in time to avoid another ugly mess! She sent Jer on his way and decided to Meet the Parents head on!
Bonnie argued with the Bennett-Hopkins elders about getting all up in her biz, presently jailed Professor Shane, and it was NOT dark magic she was unconventionally practicing, it’s ‘Expression‘ and she NEEDED it! Bonnie played her trump card about The Cure that would fix Abby (so question: ‘if‘ Abby took The Cure, would she be ordinary human or witch again? Headscratch.). Just when you thought it was safe to head for the door, Bonne got a snootful of white knock-out powder from Abby and went down for the count! Old witch habits die hard!
Back at semi-safe Gilbert House, Kol called Elena out for volunteering to give up The Cure. She’d do anything for her brother, especially if Silas would put everyone else in danger. The good of the many outweighs the good of the few, or the one (sorry, Star Trek reference). Kol went to leave and consider her truce request. She tried to stall him by asking if he could be wrong about Silas. Some things are better left buried. Buh-bye!
MFHS 80S DANCE OF THE UNDEAD
Where did we leave Stef and Rebekah? Oh, yes, going solo to the dead decade dance. Discussing the perks of cable TV and a WHOLE lotta charming film noir 80s redux references. The Cure (haha) ‘Lovesong’ plugged in from Stef‘s phone as DJ. Lloyd Dobler’s infamous boom box in ‘Say Anything’. Westley’s giant slaying for love in ‘Princess Bride’ (sorry folks, the character was WesTley, not Wesley–lol), an intentional ‘Breakfast Club’ mention. Point being, the decade was full of love, friendship, and the possibility of anything happening. Bex would have loved it, since she and Stefan BOTH care about those things. The old Salvatore charm was workin it’s magic! The retro koala bear hugger instead of a corsage–priceless! And so they danced!
Break out the booze from the teacher‘s lounge and blast ‘Wanted, Dead or Alive‘ from the rafters–Stef was FUN! The Bon Jovi turned all our thoughts and Stefan’s convo to Lexi and the compelled tequila shots with half the band. Stef’s ploys work SO much better when he lets sincerity creep in with his tactics. She was his best friend (without benefits), fearless (kinda like Bex), and he was a better person with her. He didn’t think he’d ever feel that way again–until Elena. But now that was over. The wistful look on Stefan’s face was why Bex doesn’t let herself care. KAPOW! Another balloon popped, startling Stefan–don’t worry, if Kol snuck in, Bex had it covered. Wait, was that an 80s leg warmer she had that dagger stuffed down in? Coulda been a soft boot. Oh, well. Time for a venue change! Stef sent Bex towards the hall, giving him time to text:
TEXT TO MATT: R has dagger. Get here now.
TRADE IN YOUR XBOX FOR AN OLD STANDARD
Jeremy made it back home with his trusty sawed off stake shotgun only to find Elena had lost Kol. But not for long! That doorbell wasn’t the expected Bonnie, Kol wasted no time on truce consideration. REQUEST DENIED! Slamming the door in his face was no good, those young-uns had already invited him the frig in. It DID, however, give them a chance to start a rousing game of hide and seek!
NOT SO FAIRY TALE ENDINGS
Back at the Salvatore Cellar, ever-impatient Klaus grew infuriated waiting for Stefan to steal the dagger. He was also disappointed in Damon’s cell-potato attitude about trying to escape. Well, compelled and all…which gave Klaus the perfect opportunity to needle Damon about Stefan’s ability to fight so hard when Klaus compelled him to feed on Elena. Now THAT was love! Couldn’t live up to little brother? Or was Damon afraid The Cure would NOT produce the desired fairy tale ending? Just Stefan and Elena. Together at the end of the rainbow. About that time Happy Homicidal Maniac Kol called Klaus to accuse him of being part of darling former bloodbag and her brother‘s plan to kill him. Klaus’ Cure obsession clearly trumped any sibling loyalty, don’t deny it! Kol was gonna rip off Jer’s illustrated arm, kill Elena, then he was coming for Klaus! WHAT?! Klaus had been double-crossed?
His only source for info was the cell potato, by the throat, up against the wall, being compelled to tell what Stefan and Elena were planning. Well, firstly, Damon was clueless since he’d been underground since the night before, and secondly, drinking vervain-laced water is a sure-fire way to ‘act’ compelled to ‘stay here until Klaus returns’…OR NOT! *chuckling*
READY FOR THE FIRST
LIGHTNING VAMPSPEED ROUND?
Scene: Gilbert No Longer Semi-Safe House. In rapid succession: Elena crossbowed Kol in the leg and ran to barricade herself in her room. Vampspeed chase through the Jack-n-Jill bathroom. Kol manually remodeled the bathroom door into Jeremy’s room. Jer unloaded both barrels of his trusty sawed off stake gun at Kol, who easily caught the stakes. Elena had enough time to unload an entire clip of wooden bullets into Kol’s chest so Jeremy could make a break for it. Kol javelined one of the caught stakes into Elena’s leg and took off after Jeremy. Jeremy got caught and tossed headfirst down half the stairs, rendering him woozy. After removing the leg piercing, Elena attempted to jump Kol from behind, but got wall-slammed in return. Kol ripped out a baluster (look it up, we did) and impaled Elena to the upstairs wall (conveniently through the stomach). This left Kol to unceremoniously drag Jer by the feet down the rest of the stairs.
WE INTERRUPT THE ACTION TO BREATHE FOR A FEW. STAY TUNED FOR EXCITING VAMPSPEED ROUND TWO!
Back at sweet-talk Rebekah out of the dagger central, Stefan had her out in the well-waxed hallway attempting to learn the Breakfast Club Slide. Which he did REALLY well, while she failed miserably. Gotta be the shoes! Here was the ulterior motive–get Bex to take off the shoes containing the dagger, especially since Matty was hiding around the corner to snatch and use it. The fly in somebody’s ointment came when Rebekah just handed it over to Stefan.
It was what he wanted, right (she ain’t always so blonde!)? He was correct, she wanted stupid koala corsages, and a prom, and to have kids with someone who loves her enough to stand outside her window with a stupid boom box–SHE WANTS TO BE HUMAN! Let Klaus put down Kol and let’s go get The Cure. Guilty conscience much Stefan? Confused Matty?
Hey! Where was Bonnie since we so rudely left her snorting witch coke? She was on the Bennett-Hopkins couch, sleeping it off. Abby busily mixed potions to drug her enough to keep her ‘down’ until witch reinforcements arrived. Wash that Shane right outa her mind. Uh, sorry, Mom. Not happenin. Bonnie was up and with a flick of her wrist sent Abby to the floor with Vamp Cramps. Bonnie didn’t belong to The Spirits anymore, she belonged to herself. Take that biotch!
TIME FOR ROUND TWO!
So painful to watch! Elena walked herself right offa that impalement, just like in the Old West when they’d pull the arrow through to the other side. By this time Kol had Jer spread-eagle on the kitchen island with a cleaver in his hand. He couldn’t kill him (Hunter’s Curse), but he also couldn’t remember which arm, so was just gonna take both and then heal him right up, how ‘bout that? Elena flew into the kitchen and offed Kol’s aim on the downstroke.
This conveniently cut one of Jeremy’s restraints. Elena and Kol struggled over the cleaver. Jeremy loosed his other arm. Elena shoved Kol with the cleaver buried in his chest back against the sink. Jer grabbed the veggie sprayer and used it like mace, vervain-watering Kol in the face. Elena pickpocketed Stake 2.0 while Kol was temporarily blinded, and tossed it to Jer. NOW! OMG! Another one
bites the dust up in flames! (BTW, Kol died the fiery death brilliantly.) But there was Klaus standing at the open front door, with a perfect (all together now) VIEW TO A KILL.
A tear welled up in Klaus’ eye, but was closely replaced by complete and utter RAGE! Elena vainly tried to cover it up that they had no choice since Kol was trying to cut off Jeremy’s arm. They set a trap for him–‘put him down’ meant on Klaus’ terms (dagger), not theirs (exterminated)! Stuck outside without an invite, Klaus threatened to burn down the house and kill them as they fled for their lives. Jeremy reasoned if he killed them he’d never get to The Cure or make any more hybrids. Ha!
Klaus gave a flying frig about bloody hybrids, he wants The Cure to destroy it and planned to kill everybody the second they dug it up. What was that? Vamp Cramps?! As he sank to his knees on The Porch of Truth, Bonnie waltzed in around him, ordering Jeremy to invite him in.
EXCUSEZ-MOI ROUND THREE?
Jeremy made the invite. Klaus fell through the door, still IRATE. HIT THE LIVING ROOM! Klaus was up and in hot pursuit. BAM! Bonnie learned an invisibox spell! Try as he might, Klaus couldn’t pound his way through the invisible walls. Jeremy removed Stake 2.0 from the smoking corpse (was this wise yet?), and he and Elena stood by the front door as Bonnie and Klaus faced off with only the invisiwall between them. He has NO IDEA what she can do now. Klaus is always at his best when he’s ranting at the top of his lungs. I WILL HUNT ALL OF YOU TO YOUR END! DO YOU HEAR ME? DO YOU? They left him bashing himself against nothing like Marcel Marceau.
DID YOUR LAST DATE END IN TEARS?
Guess somebody texted Stef about the deed, because he filled in Rebekah back at her house. Backpedaling (pick a side, Stef!), he excused their actions since Kol started it by going after Jeremy, so they didn’t have a choice. Kol went after Bex, too, and was never gonna let them find The Cure. Stefan knew about this plan?! The whole night?! Think fast, Stef, before she turns on y’all!
Stefan wasn’t gonna let Kol hurt the people he cared about. Not Jeremy, not Elena, not even Damon, and ya know what? Kol can’t hurt Bex anymore, either. Aim for the soft underbelly Stefan! He wants them to find The Cure together, not just for Elena but for Rebekah, too. She can be human again. Why would she trust Stefan? He could give her his ‘word’, but at the end of the day, she’s just gotta take a leap. Tearfully she closed her eyes to consider.
IS THIS MYSTIC FALLS OR BEDFORD FALLS?
Regrouped back at The Salvatore Mansion, Jeremy was impatient that his Hunter’s Mark showed no signs of new ink. Bonnie reminded everyone it took time for Finn’s line to die off, give it time. Yeah, and what if it doesn’t work? “Where’s that Gilbert optimism?“ Yay! Damon was out of the hole since Kol’s compulsion broke and Klaus‘ didn‘t work to make him stay put. Awww! “Hi” and a hug never looked so good. Add one more to the party, Stef arrived with a snipe about not missing much. Mood broken, he had The Pet Rock Tombstone. Elena filled in they were waiting for The Mark to grow, and Klaus was trapped in the Gilbert living room. Temporarily, Bonnie chimed in. She drew on the New Moon to bind the spell (wait, was that Bonnie or George Bailey standing there: What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.) The invisibox would only hold for 3-4 days. Gotta find The Cure by then or go hide with Katherine. Here came The Gilbert Optimism! Elena pronounced that now that Rebekah was taken care of, all they needed was Professor Shane. Happy grin!
Um, Stefan didn’t dagger her (well, neither did Matt, since Stefan technically can’t). WHY IN HELL NOT?! He didn’t need too, she’s on their side. WHAT?! Did he REALLY just say that? (Damon eye roll) Well, yeah, she handed over The Rock and wants to find The Cure more than any of us. Elena asked why would Stefan ever trust her? Uh-oh, it’s been all about the tattling for several weeks now, and this was no exception. Damon’s turn! Maybe Bex pledged her allegiance to Stefan while they were naked in the sack. Let’s all look at someone else to avoid the elephant in the room! Gee, was that a secret? Maybe Stef shoulda spoke up while he was bleeding Damon dry in the cellar. Only to stop him from killing Jeremy. STOP! Last snark from Stefan, why didn’t Damon use that sire-bond to calm Elena down, it’s worked pretty well so far, huh? DECKAROONEY! We knew it was comin! Sooner or later when the Salvabros get in a one upmanship contest a punch always gets thrown.
Before they could escalate into the wall slam furniture smashing, Jeremy started hollering bloody hell like he was on fire! Much appreciated Hulk Hogan shirt-rip later revealed the cause of his pain. It was happening! OMG, it was MAJOR ink, and, um, the witnesses could SEE it?! WHAT A FREAKIN COOL AWESOME INCREDIBLE TATTOO ON THE NOW ILLUSTRATED MAN! Here we go!
WOOBIE WORD OF THE WEEK
Yes, we were looking to rip a page out of the Revenge Sex Handbook for it this time, and hopin it will soon be available as an eBook best seller! LOL! With less than the usual lines of dialogue to peruse, we unmurderously pronounce the Woobie Word of the Week………SWEEEEET!
MAK turned her obsessive habit of TVD tweeting and commenting on other people’s recaps into The Mystic Falls Messenger. She loves the stuffins out of all things vampire, especially The Vampire Diaries. Follow her shameless tweets @mak75231 so she doesn’t feel ignored!