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Mystic Falls Messenger: TVD Recap Episode 4.09 “O Come All Ye Faithful”

Mystic Falls Messenger

‘Twas the fright before Christmas and Klaus in da house!  It’s the Battle of The Nutcrackers, and St. Niklaus’ is at the top of the naughty list!  Put a lid on the spiky eggnog, ‘cause you’re gonna need your wits about ya to follow the kinky f&#kery!

Editor’s note:  Ever so grateful thanks to Ruthie for illustrating this edition’s gore and more!  Huge props to @cmollere and his TVD team for the brilliantly scathing and warped use of Christmas carols!  Epically twisted and frequently nauseating at the same time!

IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE GUILTY

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Start your holiday countdown with a bit of advice:  Never get out of bed. EVER.  Delena awoke in Gentleman Damon’s bed another morning after, fully clothed.  (What we needed here was MORE SEX!  SO much more fun naked, but that probably smacks of guilty pleasure, huh?)  She shouldn’t have stayed the night (annnnd we’re thankfully callin shameless gratuitous shirtlessness).  Guilt-ridden Damon shoulda sent her packin like he’d promised Stefan, especially since everything she thought she felt might not be real.  Elena wasn’t ready to let go, even though Damon could invoke the sire bond and force her.

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Damon had told Stefan he would set Elena free, right after he DIDN’T tell him they slept together.  What did he really wanna do?  Throw her back in his bed and never let her go.  So do it.  It’s yo NUTCRACKER, Sweets!  Saved by the jingle bell!  Elena had to go meet Bonnie to teach Jeremy not to kill his sister.  Wanna come?  Bwahaaaaa!  O Come All Ye Guilty!

LOCAL ARTIST DONATES WORK TO CHARITY

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Amateur art critic Stefan ridiculed Klaus’ finishing touches on another post-modern masterpiece at Fortress Klaus.  It was his donation to the town’s Winter Wonderland charity event.  YoAdrian served as urgent slave delivery boy to whisk the still-wet work off to The Grill under duress.  What’s the point in sired-brids if he can’t maximize on free labor?  Bah-humbug, you Scrooge.  Why was Stef there?  Klaus had already intuited that Elena was sired to Damon.  Stefan was desperate to find The Cure now more than ever, yet there was Klaus making post-modern snowflakes.  Hey, Klaus delivered.  He got the sword from Italy, used to decipher the hidden map in The Hunter’s Mark, and Stefan had yet to deliver The Hunter AND his Mark.  Well, with Jer as The Hunter it was tricky keeping him from killing them in the process.  Tedious chore, so Klaus felt justified in doing a little charity work.

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Stefan wondered if Klaus was lying about finding the sword.  Why would he, they were in this together.  With a few clicks of the trusty dial, Klaus opened a HUGE safe, producing the priceless artifact in question.  The markings on the hilt act as a cipher to decode Jeremy’s tattoo when he’s killed enough vampires to complete it.  Satisfied Stefan?  Klaus heard Stef had moved out of his house (and into Klaus’ Main Squeeze’s?).  Martyr move.  Stef wasn’t there to bond.  On the contrary, Klaus thought he was the best friend Stef had atm.

LITTLE DUMBER BOY

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Unsired YoAdrian stormed into the Lockwood Cellar after his ‘delivery‘, sick of taking Klaus’ crap and wondering how well he’d bark orders with his larynx removed.  Tyler told Yo and Kimpossible they wouldn’t have to take it much longer.  Mucho grumbling about the revolution that was never gonna take place.  Enter Hayley spouting never say never.  She found the witch that was gonna save their lives.  They did their part by breaking the sire bond, now Tyler and Hayley were gonna do theirs.

HOLIDAY BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY IN MYSTIC FALLS

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We covered Mystic Square and noticed a SERIOUS shortage of ugly Christmas sweaters.  What has this town come to?  Tyler was overheard explaining the Concrete Overcoat Plan to Caroline, who developed a brain hemorrhage.  Hayley found a witch strong enough to do the Bonnie-jump spell, the Klaus specialty.  They’d encase the body in concrete long enough for the hybrids to completely disappear (poof, just like Santa up the chimney).  They couldn’t desiccate the body because they’d need to stop a human heart, and there’s a serious shortage of volunteers (and not many human hearts left).  Who was dumb enough to volunteer to be the Klaus sublet?  Oh, no Tyler didn’t!  What an outrage!  Caroline could think of WAY better ways for them to spend Senior Year than him buried in concrete!  Who’s Bad Tyler proclaimed it started with him, it had to end with him.  He needed her support.  Good luck with that, Ty!

POSTAL SERVICE DECLARES NEW ZIP CODE

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Thanks to @NaughtiasRules Jeremy’s God Damn Arms Have Their Own Zip Code.  He was swinging an ax arm porn at the Gilbert Lake House chopping firewood.  With a side of stakes.  A vintage blue Camaro pulled up with two prey inside.  Hunter Alert!  Bonnie cautioned they were there to help him.  Does he trust Bonnie?  Yeah, she‘s about the only one he DOES trust.  She headed him inside the cabin just as Shane came out, with Damon wondering what Professor Shady Pants was doing there?

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Elena invited him.  He’d been setting up the unorthodox witch hypnotherapy to ‘fix’ Jeremy.  They needed Elena ‘inside’, and Jer technically had to ‘invite’ her in since he owned the property now.  (EDITORIAL COMMENT:  Apparently Damon’s previous invite still stood, since he walked in later with no invitation or we didn’t see it.  No arguments!  It’s a small point!)

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Jer had a handy splinter of firewood behind his back (read:  stake) and took sibling rivalry to a whole ‘nuther level!  Elena, being faster and stronger than Arm Porn got the stake away from him with a headlock.  See?  See how stupid this plan is?

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

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We caught up with Stefan back at home for a change, doing research.  Caroline called to rant about him being tardy to the party, where WAS he?  Stately Salvatore Manor.  Huh?  What about Elena?  Damon took Jer to the Gilbert lakehouse, so Stef assumed she went back to her own home.  Never assume, Stefan.  Never assume.

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What was the Caroline Crisis THIS time?  Oh, her boyfriend was a dumbass martyr.  Teen drama.  Stef skipped to Klaus explaining what we wise ones already knew about the sword cipher.  Klaus told him that?  Did he hand over the sword for safekeeping?  Why?  Jingle Bells!  They needed the sword ASAP because Tyler and the reindeer were taking out Klaus that night!

HOLIDAY SPECIALS AT THE MYSTIC GRILL

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This week’s Mystic Grill Winter Wonderland charity event A La Carte Menu brought to you by our hard-working waiter Matt, serving up pizza and festive realness.  Try the free pottery classes, the high school cautionary underage champagne (Klaroline‘s non-’thing‘), Tiny Tim’s stolen crutches, or the lonely boy snowflake paintings!

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Once Caroline had Klaus ‘occupied’, she texted Stef “He’s here.  Go”  B&E into Klaus’ safe.  SO much easier than the combination, but alas, the sword was gone.  Thinking they were all hunky-dory again, Stef got on the cell to Damon for felonious hiding ideas–check the sock drawer.  People leave the sketchiest stuff in there.  (Fess up.  How many of you yelled at the TV, “Check the soap dish!”)

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Damon’s REAL ideas?  1) Kill Tyler before he got to Klaus, and 2) As MVP in the Relay Race for The Cure, tell Klaus about the hybrids and let HIM kill Tyler. ‘Bout that time Stef found letters from Klaus’ past victims and got WAY silent.  Hello?  Nobody’s killing Tyler.  By the way, did Damon know where Elena was?  (Omission of guilt.)  Um, she was running around trying to figure out how to deprogram Jeremy.  Stef asked how she took Damon shooing her away the night before.  Um, not well.  Was Damon okay?  Peachy.  Gotta go.  Bonnie had enlisted Dr. Evil in her plan and Damon had to thwart him.  Click.

HOLIDAY SCENTS FROM THE WHITE BARN CANDLE COMPANY

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The Gilbert Lakehouse smelled like witchy-weed, metronome, detourvention and bullshit!  All Jeremy felt when he saw a vampire was a burning desire to kill them.  It’s his subconscious that was calling the shots.  Persuasion would help reverse subconscious thoughts said Bonnie, who’d experienced earring removal at the hands of Dr. Evil.  Pavlov’s conditioned response–see vampire, kill vampire.  Shane was creating a middle-step–detourvention.  Jeremy’s subconscious would learn to recognize Elena as someone he loved and wants to protect.  That would give him a choice.  He could choose to take the detour instead of the conditioned response.  Elena was instructed to talk to Jer about the family spending every holiday at the lakehouse, how Jenna had made them go there after their parents died and it felt like they were there with them.  They would’ve wanted the kids to stick together.

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How did Jer feel about Elena now?  Jer was brutal–she ruined our lives, wasn’t even his real sister, and the reason everybody he loved was dead. She meant nothing, and he would kill her even if he died.  (EDITORIAL COMMENT:  Heard lots of arguing on social media about them not being related.  They’re not brother and sister, but Jeremy’s blood uncle is Elena’s blood bio-dad.  They ARE related, just not siblings.  Just the facts, ma‘am.)  SLAM!  Shane snapped Jeremy out of the trance, and he wanted to know if it worked?  Epic fail.  Long faces all around.

HE WHISTLED AND SHOUTED AND CALLED THEM BY NAME

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Stef rendezvoused with Caroline in the stairwell behind The Grill to let her know the sword was AWOL.  Klaus is the only shot they have to finding The Cure–they needed him.  Tyler had to call off the hybrid-hit.  Not gonna happen!  Tyler showed up outraged that Car had blabbed his plan to Stefan.  Telephone, Telegraph, TellCaroline!  He’d had 12 hybrids sworn to secrecy for a month and she couldn’t keep her yap shut for an hour?  Stef asked, then demanded, a little bit of time, but uh-oh, dude, that wasn’t Sugar Plum Fairies backing up Alpha Tyler!  To the top of the steps, to your back against the wall, the hybrids arrived at Tyler’s silent call!  No Dasher, no Dancer, no Prancer (but a coupla Vixens), sorry, Stefan, Ty’s not giving you a choice about the Concrete Overcoat Plan!

OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS

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Following their first failure at detourvention, Damon followed Elena out to the barstool boat dock.  She was majorly bummed about putting all her hope in one Christmas stocking.  She reminisced about the faint memory of being completely in love with Stefan last time she was there, and wondered if it was the sire bond?  Or was it she was just so happy to be there with Damon?  He actually pulled the guilty flinch when she reached up to lay her hand on his cheek.  He thought of something else they could try (change the subject, much?)

DECK THE VAMPS WITH CHAINS OF IRON

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Tyler and all of the other reindeer had Steroline in the Lockwood cellar, ready to use chains if necessary to keep them there until they were ready to bring in Klaus.  Stefan argued that the sitch was bigger than them, it was about more than revenge for the vamps.  Tyler knew.  It was about The Cure.  But the Alpha group gave two shits about The Cure, since a hybrid taking it would just turn back into pain bait every full moon if they took it.  PMS sucks, right, Tyler?  He’d needed Car on his side, but NO!

DETOURVENTION, PART DEUX

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As Jer perused pix of Christmas past, Bonnie interrupted to tell him Elena wanted to try again.  Survey says, DAMON BUZZER!  Professor Shane had been dipping into the magical witch herbs too often.  Using a vamp to suppress the need to kill another one for a Hunter is like dangling a cheeseburger in front of a hungry Master Cleanse dieter!

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Damon’s idea:  find someone else for Jer to attach his warm fuzzy detour feelings to.  Someone like, oh, did he have to paint a picture?  Why was Bonster surprised Jer felt warm and fuzzy about her?  SHE was the one that broke it off with him–he was still smitten!  Damon left them to get down to detourvention business.

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Elena had stayed on the boat dock, and was joined by the prying Professor, proclaiming Damon intuitive for coming up with the Bonnie emo-touchstone plan for Jeremy.  Bonnie had confided in him about the complicated Delena relationship–did he have any ideas how to hypnotize Elena out of it?  The one spell he’d never found in his world travels was how to break someone from loving too much.  His wife and son had died and he’d tried to find a way to not miss them.

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Damon stopped by to grab Jer’s ax and brought it with him out to the dock–if Shane’s hypno-herbs worked, it would be no time till they’re all one big happy again.  SO!  Why was he not killing Shane, again?  Why was Shane after the vampire Cure?  He didn’t say he WAS looking for it, but he could tell them where to find it.  Yeah, Klaus’ sword would lead them to it, but Shane had already been there.  Huh?

CHRISTMAS BLESSINGS FROM MOM AND PROUD DEAD-DAD

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Question of the Week:  Does Airhead April wear the popcorn tiara and Miss Mystic sash to bed?  Mayor Carol Lockwood went straight for the booze (as usual–it’s gonna be the death of her!  lol) at the Winter Wonderland celebration underway in Mystic Square, grabbing two glasses for her and Tyler.

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They sat on a park bench as he explained the Concrete Overcoat Plan.  Bring her another glass, he would miss graduation!  Tyler’s The Alpha, and Mom told him Dad would be proud of him, a leader of people just like Richard had been.  And Carol may get to join him for the holidays!

‘ROCK’IN AROUND THE FIRST TOMBSTONE CHRISTMAS TREE

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Shane drug out his Pet Rock, and replayed to Delena the Epi 4.06 once upon a time lesson.  Witch Silas loved a girl, he and his BFF female witch friend made an immortality spell, BFF got jealous and killed the lady love pre-immortality.  That cursed Silas to an eternity without his one True Love, so he ‘found a way’ to reverse the immortality spell, but before he could ‘take’ it, BFF buried him and The Cure underground to rot.  SO!  It’s a cure for immortality?  Human blood is the life-force of an immortal.  No more immortality, no more need to feed on blood.  You dig up Silas, you’ve got your Cure.

GRANDPLAN GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER

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Since Tyler had to mom-gig at The Square, the remaining unsired Alpha Force guarded Stefan and Caroline in the Lockwood cellar, with Car and Kimpossible bitch-sniping at each other.  JINGLE BELLS!  Damon calling!  Don’t ask how, or why, or who, but Damon found the answer to the Tyler problem.  He musta vampspeed told the tale to Stef, because quick as a wink, Stefan hung up and proclaimed (‘ere they rode out of sight), We don’t need the sword!  And to all a good night!

WHO’S ON THE NAUGHTY LIST FOR LYING?

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Following the Once Upon A Time lesson, Shane explained The Hunter’s Mark drawing/map (they no longer need) for the benefit of y’all who slept through it the first seven times.  When the Mark is complete it will contain the spell (that apparently they DO still need) to dig up Silas.  Oh, and since Damon’s threatened to off him 3 times in a week, the burial location is how Shane’s gonna survive Damon’s bad moods.  Elena asked the $64,000 question–what’s in it for Shane?  LIES, ALL LIES!  Shane’s in it for Silas.  Up to this point Silas has only been myth.  Would you rather be the guy who writes about Noah’s Ark or the one that sails it down the Hudson?  Damon wasn’t buyin it–but he didn’t have to.  They just needed to believe Shane could ‘fix’ Jeremy.  And then when his Hunter’s Mark is complete Shane would take them to The Cure.  Indignant, much?

NOTORIOUS MYSTIC GRILL JOHN BACK IN ACTION

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Tyler and Hayley followed Caroline into the loo at The Grill, demanding to know how she got loose.  Even Tyler’s fidiot hybrids recognized the stupidity of his Alpha Hybrid martyr plan.  And Forwood wasn’t through fighting yet–there would be plenty of that the second Tyler shoved Klaus into someone ELSE’S body!  Oh yeah, like who?  Stefan had been stashing Rebekah’s daggered corpse in the tunnels.  They dump Klaus into her bod, bury her, and they’d kill two Original partridges with one stone!  Hayley complained it was too late to change The Plan, then furiously started hidden texting Shane ‘Houston, we have a problem’ while Tyler professed undying brilliant genius love for Caroline before taking off to tell his mom the good news about attending graduation.

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…which got a snippy “Fix it” text-back from Shane as he came downstairs and changed faces for Bonnie and Jeremy, making progress on ‘fixing’ him.  It’s cell phone shuffle!  Car called and explained New Plan to Bon at the lakehouse, asking if Rebeklaus would work.  Bonnie didn’t see why not, and asked if they needed her to help–she could leave Elena there with Jeremy.

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Elena was there too, she came with slightly less horrible than usual Damon  (TMI, Bonster, TMI).  That set Caroline’s inner bitch off (again) and she unceremoniously hung up on Bonnie!  Deep breath!  Hayley witnessed the exchange, congratulated Caroline on the working New Plan, and necksnapped her in a heartbeat!

A WISE MAN HAS A FOOL FOR A PROTÉGÉ

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Polyoptimist Elena brought out a box of holiday decorations, remarked she and Jer should take them home for holiday cheer, certain Shane was gonna get through to Jeremy.  She trusts him (fool).  Pffft!  Damon obviously doesn’t (one Wise Man), because he thought Shane blew up 12 peeps at the Young Farm.  Shane couldn’t sneak up on vamp-hearing Damon, let the ‘false’ accusations begin!  Shane performed the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fakeries saying Pastor Young had contacted him for supernatural anti-depressant help after Mrs. Young died.  Yeah, like all Protestant pastors resort to the supernatural on a daily basis.  But, he’d been too far gone–even Shane was aghast he’d taken 11 innocents out with him.  And he has swampland in Florida for sale, too.  *giggle-snort*

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Jer and Bon burst in–they had this!  Don’t move, Elena, no matter what!  Jer had a stake at his side, and started toward Elena.  Damon stepped in the way, everybody got tense, exchanged glances, and Jer turned the stake over to Damon.  Whew!  Great big relieved and tearful faux-sibling hug!  ‘Bout that time Shane’s butt was vibrating–Hayley’s ‘fix-it’ text response, “I’ll fix it.  You’ll get your twelve.”  Uh-oh.

I’LL HAVE A BLUE CHRISTMAS

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Stefan finally showed up at the Square, catching Klaus and Hayley having ‘words’.  Missing all day, Klaus wasn’t interested in Stef’s dodginess or Caroline’s recognized tool of distraction loveliness–was he gonna have to compel it out of Stefan?  Truth or dare:  Stef fessed up to safe B&E for the sword because he didn’t trust Klaus.  He’d shown Stef the sword, explained its value, been on Stef’s side the entire time, what did he need, a secret brotherhood handshake?  (We call booty bump!)

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The two exchanged unpleasantries about keeping victim trophies–Klaus’ discovered letters and the Rippah Wall of Shame.  They’re both the same.  They both memorialize their dead, but in the end they’re left infinitely and utterly (wait for it) ALONE.  With YoAdrian line-of-sight Visions of Sugar Plums, Klaus left with him (for reasons that never got explained–unnecessary part of the plan, we guess).

DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE (IN THE LOO)?

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Even Airheads need to pee, and April found Car dead in the stall.  CPR kicking in (all except the “Go call 9-1-1!”), she attempted to shake Caroline, checked for a pulse, and O Holy Crap freaked when Car jumped up and asked if she’d seen Hayley.  First things first, Car called Stef’s voicemail to bitch That Little Werewolf Slut lost her mind, directing him to go to the Lockwood Cellar to make sure Rebekah was still in repose (oops–invoked Airhead April’s girl-crush right in front of her), Car was gonna find Tyler.  Hayley’s screwing things up!  Second things second:  Sweet Airhead, you didn’t see nothin’, you didn’t hear nothin’, go do your Miss Mystic Falls duties!  ‘K?  ‘K.  Bye!

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Vampire Barbie should always make sure she’s wearin clean compulsion in case of accidents.  Like accidentally not knowing Airhead was wearing Jeremy’s compel-proof vervain bracelet!  Penalty for late hit, quarterback Matty!  April was gone, YoAdrian was leading Klaus to the cellar (again, vague how he did it), and Caroline had whoopsie all over her face!

GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME

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Tyler hadn’t found Carol out in the Square yet, so he left her a voicemail that plans had changed, he was gonna be okay, and he’d be back later to pick her *ahem* up.  Why was Hayley in the Square, she was supposed to be taking ‘the witch’ to the cellar?!  She lied.  No witch.  She needed Klaus for The Sacrifice–she found someone who could help her find her family.  There needed to be 12 for The Sacrifice.  Run now and he might make it out alive.  WHAT DID SHE DO?!

ON THE FIRST SLAY OF CHRISTMAS…

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12 brid-hearts thumping, 11 swords a-swiping, 10 corpse a-bleeding, 9 de-cap-i-tations, 8 blades a-tilting, 7 hearts a-slinging, 6 sheets of painful–5 cold dead things–4 sprawling brids, 3 drenched friends, 2 futile dives, and a headless hybrid fell to her knees.  Gotta hand it to Klaus–maybe the hat and beard didn’t fit, but he wore the HELL outa that red suit!

(EDITORIAL COMMENT:  Priceless how Hayley handed over the 12 unsired hybrids to Shane AND managed to get KLAUS do the sacrificing with the Sword of the Cipher no less!  Now.  WHAT THE HELL FOR?)

WE MISSED MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS UNDERNEATH THE MISTLETOE

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Somebody’s getting a lump of coal in their stocking for THAT atrocity!  Jeremy, Elena, and Bonnie rummaged through the Christmas decorations Elena found, coming up with a sprig of used Logan Fell mistletoe.  Maybe that was why it didn’t work.  Damon sat outside alone, wistfully watching the family scene unfolding inside.  When he wouldn’t answer Elena’s beckoning wave, she took it outside to entice a kiss out of him.  We can’t.  I can’t.  DON’T FIGHT THE REALNESS, DAMON!  Guilt.  Anguish.  It was good to see Elena all normal with her brother.  He wanted that again for her (oh, no!  It’s coming!  Brace yourselves!).  Christmas used to be his and Stefan’s favorite kid-time holiday.  He kinda missed that.  Elena felt it coming, too.  Damon hadn’t exactly been lying to Stefan all day, he’d been helping her with Jeremy.  It wasn’t WHAT he was doing, it was that he was there with Elena.  He was supposed to do the right thing by both Elena and his brother–invoke the sire bond and send her away.  (NO!  GUILT TAKES OVER!)

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“You’re gonna go home.  I’m gonna stay here with Jeremy.  I’m gonna help him complete The Mark.  I’ll teach him how to hunt.  I’ll protect him, and we’ll kill vampires.  Without you.”  DAMON, PLEASE!  “I’m setting you free, Elena.  This is what I want.  This is what will make me happy.”  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  He looked SAD!  WWWAAAAIIIIIILLLLLLLL!

ALL WE WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS TO KNOCK OUT HER TWO FRONT TEETH

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Caroline came busy bodying into Stately Salvatore Manor–Matt couldn’t find April, she couldn’t reach Tyler, and she was in CRISIS MODE!  Broody Stefan thought he’d be happier watching Klaus get led away to the slaughter, but truth was, he felt kinda guilty.  They’ve ALL done horrible things.  What made them any better than Klaus?  He thought it was just that they had family they could trust.  It’s all about the trust.  Uh-oh.  STFU, Caroline!  BUT!  Deck The Falls with Vows of Guilty.

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Had Stefan heard from Damon?  He was still with Jeremy at the lakehouse.  Caroline snuck up on it–did Damon happen to mention where Elena was?  Whatchoo talking ‘bout, Caroline?  Are they together?  How together are they (did he REALLY think they’d been knitting socks)?  HOW TOGETHER ARE THEY?  *crickets and crackling logs*

I’LL BE HOME (ALONE) FOR CHRISTMAS

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What kind of asinine, screwed up holiday farewell was that we witnessed as Bonnie and Jer hugged goodbye at the lakehouse?  He put her in the car and let Damon and Elena have a quiet goodbye.  She’d been ready to fight Damon, but suddenly every part of her body told her to get in Bonnie’s car and leave him.  So do it.  Furrowed brow.  Swallow.  Chaste kiss.  He’d lived up to his promise to Stefan, unbeknownst to THE NUTCRACKER Caroline!

WHOSE NUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE?

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Stefan absorbed Caroline’s implications and went on a Ripper-like rampage, tossing the real (and symbolic checkmate) chess board and then the table across the room.  He positively GLARED unseeing into the fire.

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Meanwhile, Tyler found the woodsy scene of the deadbrid massacre, and Kimpossible beheaded in a pool of blood in the Cellar.  Now Who’s Bad?  He departed dejected, but the Cellar wasn’t empty.

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Airhead April, searching for her long-lost girl crush, hid in the shadows trembling.  We knew the minute she stiletto-teetered over to that coffin on the floor what was gonna happen.  Rebekah, sweet Rebekah.  Yup.  You do the math.

MFPD WILL RULE DRUNKEN MAYOR’S ‘DROWNING ACCIDENTAL

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The Party’s Over, Carol!  She was all alone on The Square, phoning her Tyler P.A.S.S.  She drank half the party–good thing that fountain wasn’t filled with champagne!  Ah, but here came Bloody Klaus (the literal and the figurative).  He’d overheard her calling Tyler–he wanted a word with him as well.  She begged Klaus not to hurt Tyler, he was all she had.  Beautiful symmetry, Carol’s all Tyler had, too.  Unconfirmed eyewitnesses watched as Klaus seized her by the neck and held her face in the fountain.  Not a mark on her–it will look like a tragic drunken holiday accident.

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Another dead-end job opening in town, just like the rotating history teacher position, now it’s the Mayor.  Ah, Sheriff Liz Forbes will investigate, the last of the red hot parents.  Could Sheriff be the next terminal job opening?  A lone living figure strolled across the abandoned square–Have yourself a merry little Christmas now!

WOOBIE WORD OF THE WEEK

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Our non-resident muse @rainbowdragon12 fought us about naming ‘gentleman’ the Woobie Word of the Week, so we promised it Honorable Mention.  :P  However!  We chose the ‘peachy’ last Woobie Word of 2012 to be………NAKED!

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SEASON’S BEATINGS!

MAK turned her obsessive habit of TVD tweeting and commenting on other people’s recaps into The Mystic Falls Messenger. She loves the stuffins out of all things vampire, especially The Vampire Diaries. Follow her shameless tweets @mak75231 so she doesn’t feel ignored!




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10 Comments

  1. I laughed so hard at the “knock out her two front teeth line” that it made my cold related cough flare. Carolin was on my ish list this week. I really like her charcter, but She sold out Tyler and Elena to Stefan. What was up with that? Glad I wasn’t the only one seeing It :). Still, I like her with Stefan.

    A light bulb went off whenTyler said a cured hybrid became a werewolf. Perhaps Klaus will be cured of vampirism and become just a werewolf, unable to make more hybrids or become a vampire again. Allowing him to stick around, but stripping him of his unstoppable Original powers. Think the Bumble sans his teeth in Rudolph.

    • Oh, no, Melissa, I didn’t mean to make your cough flare up! I feel your pain! Yes, Caroline is being a royal pain atm, but we know she’ll redeem herself sooner or later–she’s fabulous, after all! You know, Shane never mentioned whether or not The Cure would work on Originals–interesting thought!

  2. That got me too Melissa. LOL

    yay Woobie word was NAKED !!!

    OK this cure is a cure for immortal life right? Death is a cure. So many possibilities for what the cure is. It is definately not going to be something that comes without sacrafice. Julie Plec has said that the next 5 episodes are about Silas and it will all come to a head. I love that we dont wait months and months for stories to have some kind of conclusion.

    • Glad you liked this week’s Woobie Word! :) Nobody ever comments on it! Point well taken–Death is DEFINITELY a cure for immortality! lol And we can’t forget that The Cure could also be the moonstone, Aztec Sun and Moon Curse, yadayadayada…in other words, it COULD all be a ruse! And is it for one person or any who chose to partake? I’m interested in finding out what Shane gained by the sacrifice of the 12 unsired hybrids. AND what his connection to Silas really is. We shall see! Thanks for commenting!

  3. what is with the number 12?? twelve days of christmas. twelve dead humans at the young farm. twelve dead hybrids at the lockwood property. stefan’s twelve steps to quitting human blood. i wonder what is going to happen in episode 12…. i feel like it should be an important one.

    • Don’t forget the 12 dead humans that Damon offed in 1942! If we get twelve 12s, that’s a GROSS! lol I’m gonna be on the lookout for Episode 4.12 to be a gross one! lol

  4. Another AWESOME recap. I know that in The Five Beks explained the sword to Stef in the flashbacks while Connor explained about the mark to a later compelled to forget Jer so I don’t understand why they had to have the scene with Klaus explaining it yet again. Then again I’m more than half convinced that the writers are taking “let’s forget about internal consistency” pills this season so…..

    I don’t think Carol’s death was intended to look like an accident. Klaus is sending Tyler a message.

    As for this cure thing: I think it’s a complete fake.

    I understand Damon’s actions because 1) he’s trying to do what he said he’d do and 2) he’s never really believed he deserved love so the mere hint of a doubt has triggered his “I knew it was too good to be true” default. But all that talk from Elena about whether her feelings were real? Did she not hear what Tyler said? The sire bond doesn’t create feelings. *sigh at those pills the writers appear to be taking*

    • Hey, Lil! Either the writers think we can’t grasp the convoluted explanation of the sword and the tat-mark or they have some reason for every single character repeating it over and over ad infinitum, but I suspect we’ll hear it again (and again, and …)! Guess I wasn’t exactly clear–everybody ‘in the know’ *wink wink* will know Carol’s death was a message, but the general Mystic Falls public (if there are any left, haha) will get the story that it was accidental. Don’t necessarily think The Cure is ‘fake’ per se, but it won’t be what anybody is expecting! I’m still curious whether it will be a one-shot (read one-person) or Cure-ForAll, and what would happen if an Original (especially Klaus) took it–would he revert to being an ordinary werewolf?

  5. I think Professor Shane IS Silas, and his love is locked in that tomb, and he needs some kind of witch / doopelganger sacrifice to get her out.

    • Whether or not Shane is Silas, Silas’ ‘essence’, or just wants Silas freed remains to be seen! I don’t think his ‘love’ is buried (they never really said there’s a ‘tomb’, but they did say that Ketsia (the witch that helped him create the immortality spell) killed his love. Maybe she can be resurrected or something, but I’m not convinced it’s her that’s buried. Curious that Prof Shane’s ‘wife and child’ are also dead–unless they’re one and the same. And it’s not just ‘some kind of witch’, it’s a Bennett witch that he needs–so much for the sucking up to Bonnie!

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