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Mystic Falls Messenger: TVD Recap Episode 4.03 “The Rager”

Mystic Falls Messenger

What’s a freakin Rigged Rager Party without a real undead Rager in attendance!?  Massive amounts of alcohol, crazy shit happening, vague threats, ominous prophecies, disappearing tats, oh, and the kegger’s a must!

Editor’s note:  Ruthie was our designated driver in the screencapper car again!  We’ll give you a big fat thank-you hug once we sober up!  Also, apologies (not) for diggin a trench with the word ‘ditch’ in this edition.

STILL NO SUSPECT IN CHURCH SHOOTING

A suspect in the seemingly unprovoked random shooting of Mayor Carol Lockwood’s son, Tyler, a senior at Mystic Falls High, has not been identified.  Police have yet to release a statement as to whether Lockwood was the victim of a random sniper or a freak accident, but have ruled out any connection with last week’s tragic Town Council farmhouse explosion.  Since Mystic Falls is such a hotbed of terrorist activity, Mayor Lockwood has taken the unprecedented step of issuing a Mandatory Curfew, All Ages Commencing @ 10 PM Until Further Notice.  Film at eleven.   Blah, blah, blah, straight reporting is BORING!

DON’T FORGET TO FLOSS!

Got a pain in the fang?  Let Asshat Vampire Hunter Connor Jordan tap that canine with a werewolf root canal!  He’s a certified Sedation Dentist, even though he uses a paralytic instead of laughing gas!  Asshat broke into Mystic Falls Hospital, choked in-patient Tyler’s deputy guard until he passed out, and grappled with forewarned Tyler till the paralytic took effect.  This was just dentistry gone ALL wrong.  But at least he makes house hospital calls.  Inquiring minds want to know:  When did you EVER get a hospital gown that wasn’t air conditioned in the back?

TAINTED DRUG LAB LINKED TO ASSAULT

IN RELATED NEWS…MFPD was too busy/addled to look for drug suspects, but our reporters spotted The Hunter’s Mobile Meth Lab out on Hudson off Route 13.  An apple a day keeps Mr. Wizard’s Junior Chemistry Set at play.  A peek in the RV window found Asshat going over our competitor’s newspaper clippings, cryptic notes on Tyler Lockwood (Vampire & Werewolf-duh), Pastor Young’s stolen suicide note, and a couple of dossiers on Jeremy and Elena Gilbert.  Oh, yeah, and that wasn’t tea brewing in the beakers!

JUMP INTO FALL WITH A SPICY SWEET TREAT AT STARBUCKS

On the threshold of Stately Salvatore Manor, we caught Stefan tinkering with a motorcycle as Damon prepared to depart (was that a Starbucks Venti Bourbon Soccer Momchiatto?).  Stef wasn’t having a 164-year-old mid-life crisis–he was prepping for a little teach depressed Elena cheer up time.  Those who can’t do, teach.  We predict that crack will come back to bite Damon in the ass before the edition is done!  Damon was hot for the Hunter that jacked Tyler’s werewolf venom (vampire poison in a bottle–don‘t tell Starbucks), so he was gonna find him, eat him like a scone, then leave town.  That was the deal, right?  Whoever Elena didn’t choose leaves?  Damon only stayed to help when Elena turned.  Bloodshared with her, got punched in the kisser.  Brotherly love ain’t workin so hot right now.

INFESTATION OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN BREAKS OUT AT MFHS

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE?  A mysterious rash spread through the local high school.  Be on the lookout for strange two-puncture wrist rashes and unexplained Band-Aids!  Possibly hanging out behind the school was the cause, or hiding addictions.  Old make-out spots die hard!  “We are never, ever, ever, getting back together.”  Well, maybe ‘jest a touch‘.  Matt fed Elena, again.  Self-sacrifice for Elena making Stefan save his life.

Matt Donovan, bloodbag breakfast of champions (so they won‘t puke)!  Elena stopped short of a full meal, afraid she couldn‘t rein it in.  Dontcha love the way the muscle in Matt’s jaw clenched when she fed?  And that gigundous Band-Aid first aid kit Elena was toting around in her purse.  Maybe it would look like a sweatband, Matty is a jock, after all.  Off to class at the sound of the bell!  It’s Senior Year, school’s the best place to play with a Hunter on the loose that knows Damon’s a vampire, that Elena knows Damon, and hiding at home’s like house arrest!  Too bad Tyler got shot in front of half the town–peeps are freaked, and they haven’t even SEEN freaky yet!

HOUSE ARREST OR HYBRID PROTECTIVE DETAIL?

Given the current state of affairs, The Mayor brought her son home to hybrid Boob Bodyguards.  For his own protection.  With Klaus.  The Lockwood Mansion was filled with testosterone!  Klaus (why was he going to Chicago when he heard the news?) didn’t give two shits for Tyler after the heart-stopping casket stunt, but hybrids are on the new endangered species list, and nobody puts his babies in a corner!

AP TERMINAL CIVIL WAR CLASSES RESUME

The tragic events spanning the hiatus completed (?), ‘twas the first time back in dearly departed Ric’s history classroom.  Stefan’s concern for Elena was only climaxed by her brimming sentimental tears.  Good God in Gucci, Bex bounced in to pass out flyers for an Anti-Curfew Party at her ‘new’ digs–gotta ditch 5th period to attend!  Spread the word and bury the hatchet (or the stake, as it were) with Elena.

Let the games begin–Klaus didn’t kick Rebekah out of Fortress Klaus, she left.  Aha!  An opening for Elena to parlay with ‘leaving the only person on Earth that actually liked her?’  Ahem, Elena’s BF liked BEX once–a LOT more than once (smug wench).  Elena’s pencil started tap, tap, tapping.  Bex made a crack about killing Mr. Salzman and SNAP!  Elena aimed her trusty No. 2 at Bex’ head, but she was fast, caught it, and slung it back javelin style into Elena’s left shoulder.  Oops!  That was gonna leave a stain!

Elena stormed out of the classroom with Stef hot on her heels, trying to get her to do yoga breathing to calm down.  She never felt this kinda rage before.  Aha!  The Rager!  Elena HATES Rebekah!  They both got sidetracked when Elena spied Asshat approaching Jeremy in the hall.  She needed to take care of the sweater, Stef would take care of Jeremy.

SMOKIN IN THE GIRLS ROOM

We finally got to see the inside of the GIRLS john, as Elena scrubbed blood (she’s getting better!) off her hand and shoulder, when stray bleeding Heather came in claiming Rebekah sent her.  Drat!  That Tarnation Instant Matt Breakfast did nothing to curb the craving for blood drops of temptation trickling down Heather’s neck!

Just to add salt to the wound, along came Bex to taunt Elena on!  Wiping Heather’s blood on Elena’s mouth, and by-the-by, a vampire hunter roaming the hallways?  How inconvenient!  Wouldn’t you like a little more blood blush across your entire face, Elena?  Fangs!  See you in gym–it’s dodge ball day!

CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES IMPOSTER ON THE LOOSE

There is no first period Algebra at MFHS, so Asshat invoked Room of Requirement rules to grill Jeremy about The Kids’ tragic past and Jer being able to see Asshat’s ink.  It’s A Hunter’s Mark–sounded like handmade premium Kentucky bourbon whiskey. Oh, wait, that’s Maker’s Mark–we don’t need no Maker’s in the mix!  Jer played dumbass and tried to leave, but where was guardian Stefan?  We spied him eavesdropping at the door (The Return of Eavesdropping Stefan!)  Anywho!  Tat is invisible to anyone but another hunter, or a potential hunter, which made Jeremy Potential Numero Uno!

Was Asshat a touch smug that Jer would just JUMP at the chance to join him?  Find Asshat a vampire, and he’d train Jer how to do what HE does.  Oh, well, yeah, that beats poor, boring, Jeremy’s dull little life hands down.  Bwahaaa!  Still playing stooge, Jer asked how he was supposed to find a vampire?  Hey, start with the friend with the bandage on his neck.  Psst!  Asshat!  He’s got one on his wrist now!

NANCY DROOL GETS A BANG-UP SURPRISE

We staked out the Mobile Meth Lab, and were rewarded with scoopage!  Damon came snooping around, and since the RV was on wheels (or was it because no ‘human‘ lived there, hmmm), voilà, he waltzed right in!  Checked out Mr. Wizard’s chemistry set, started for the clipping-laden table when KA-WHUMP!  He got nailed in the chest with an arrow–strung to an M18 Claymore mine (front toward enemy–really?).  Um, yeah.

The Few, The Proud, The Stubborn, and The Snarky dialed a cryptic SOS to none other than Dr. Meredith for assistance, rather than his own brother.  Was that a bomb?  No, it’s a kitten.  An adorable, exploding kitten.  Just be doctorly and cut out the arrow, or POOF!  Whilst Mer was diggin Damon’s back (lol) with a rather large randomly placed hunting knife, they discussed Crazy Pastor Young, sacrifice, and war brewing in our fair city.  When Damon ignored a cell call from Elena, Busybody Meredith just HAD to put in her two cents worth.  Damon was a good brother, not The Bad Brother, pulling Hunter Duty while Stefan played vampire with the girl that broke his heart.  And doing a very good job of acting like it doesn’t suck.  Damon soaked that in for future reference.  At last, done!  Pull the arrow out!

STONER PIT SAINTHOOD

NEWSFLASH!  Vampires have overrun the Stoner Pit at MFHS!  And Elena was SMOKIN!  Murderous mad, that is.  Caroline congratulated her on a valiant vampire first-day-at-school effort and excused her from the rest of the day!  Kinda fell on deaf super-hearing vamp ears, since Elena paced and raged about taking Stake 2.0 to Bex’ butt.  Stefan implored Elena to leave the murdering to Damon, but what’s a girl-vamp to do, ignore Bex to death?  Bex just has a case of the make herself feel better hate harders.  Stef suggested they ditch school and have some fun!  Fine.  But after the ditching they’d go to Bex’ party and show her bouncy butt a thing or two!  Elena went home to slip into something more comfortable (giggle), while Car and Stef talked about her behind her back.

Off balance?  Yeah, ripperish.  St. Stefanus Anus Reciprecous (thanks @janetpurplehaze) used to channel his emotions into rage, made him feel like he had purpose, but he came to terms with it, channeled it, and blah, blah, blah–twice.  At least.  Oh, Caroline.  Don’t feed the ego–St. Stefanus saved Caroline’s vampire life, now he was saving Elena’s.  He should write a book, or go on The View.

CONVALESCENT SHOOTING VICTIM ACCEPTING VISITORS

Bored outa his gourd on Lockwood Lockdown, Tyler got a surprise visit from a not so old werewolf friend, Hottley Hayley.  After a quick Lockwolf hug, she punched him–she thought Klaus killed him!  We all know Tyler’s a playa–he had told Hottley he was gonna be in a trailer park in Florida, but guess what, he’s LOADED!  HAYLEY had been the one that chained Tyler up all over the Appalachians helping him breaking the sire bond.  Well now!  Caroline is NOT gonna approve!  Tyler hadn’t called anyone because he didn’t wanna be followed back to MF.  Werewolves aren’t safe around Klaus.  Hint, hint!  Well, Hayley had that covered, because one of the hybrid protective detail was a former pack-bud who had dialed her digits to say he was protecting some dude named Tyler.  Bingo!  Drink!

Next visitor–Caroline!  Oops.  She ditched Rebekah’s ditching party.  Smoochies!  Um,  the house was filled with testosterone, aka hybrid house arrest.  Car’s only interested in sneaking out and necking!  Mom wasn’t the one that had Tyler on lockdown PLUS he had a hottie in the study!  Awkward!  He squirmed his way out of going to the party OR sneaking out–he’s no fun right now!

Another oops–Klaus found Hottley Hayley lurking about.  His repulsive reputation had preceded him.  Strange Tyler never mentioned having a ‘friend’.  And Klaus knew why!  Smug bastard!

Tyler ditched Caroline out the front and Klaus shooed Hayley out the back  Hybrid Teamwork 101!  Tyler came upon Klaus with his feet up on the Mayor’s desk, musing about how ‘fetching’ Hayley was.  Klaus had covered Ty’s butt with that shoo-out, wouldn’t want Caroline to run into her.  Smirk.  Two plus two plus emotions plus low inhibitions.  Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean?  Klaus figured Tyler had tapped that in the Appalachians.  Just when Tyler realized Klaus had him, ring, ring!  Damon calling!  Damon?  He was calling to enlist Ty’s help in going after Asshat, but since Klaus answered the phone, he WOULD be interested in assisting.  What?

SOMETHING(S) WICKED LURKS THE HALLS OF MFHS

It hurts to be in love at MFHS!  Bex tried to get Matty to come to her ditch-party, but she had her shot with him and blew it!  Lame-o apology explanation about running him off the bridge, but Alaric killed her brother and was trying to kill her!  She never wanted to hurt Matt!  Jaw muscle clench.  Locker door slam.  Walk away.  Ha!  Bitch ignored!

But Matt couldn’t ignore the lurking Asshat out to get him in the hall.  What was that a wrist hickie this time?  Asshat pinned Matt to the wall with yet another lethal looking hunting knife to get outa him who he’d been letting feed on him.  Matt called out Bex!  Rebekah Mikaelson, she’s the vampire!  Lol  Thank you!  How ‘bout a nice Hawaiian punch with a side of headslam?

CRIMESTOPPERS RECEIVES VANDALISM TIP

Damon arrived back at Stately Salvatore Manor to find a thief in his closet.  It was The Rager, play-looking for the good bourbon to get through Bex‘ party (Stef’s stash sucks).  Top drawer, m’dear.  In with the black jockeys.  Bwahaaa!  Did she really think he’d leave Stake 2.0 just lying around-as he casually removed his shirt.  *swoon*  He explained about the hunter mishap wound–Jeremy had told Damon that Asshat was at the school.  Why was Damon talking to Jeremy?  Don’t worry about it.

Unbuckle belt.  *squeal* Elena stayin for the show or …? *dead*  Was that a stake in Damon’s pants or was he just happy to see her?  Even Elena couldn’t raise her eyes.  lol!  She bolted.  Dumb biotch!

THE BIG PROBLEM IN THIS TOWN IS…

…not the new Vampire Hunter, calmly whittling inscribed stakes outside the Mobile Meth Lab.  Nor is it Jeremy volunteering where Asshat can find a vampire.  Now who was getting outed?  Dr. Meredith Fell, who uses vampire blood in surgery, and Jer ‘thinks’ she has a deal with one.  Her blood for his.  That’s the problem.  When a town protects one vampire word spreads, more come, they feed–there goes the neighborhood.  We smelled a trap!  Asshat diagnosed the high school as a full-blown ‘infestation’.  Connor and Company (of one, Jeremy) were not going to the ditch-party, it was straight to the hospital for them.  As long as people are drinking at that high school party, Asshat had it covered (spiked the kegger–sneaky)!  It’s a Rigged Rager Partay!  They’ll be dead by sundown.

GIRLS GONE WILD!

…and so have the boys!  We crashed the Rigged Rager Kegger Partay only to find guys doing kegstands–is it really an urban legend you get drunker that way?  Bex settled in a traditional little *cough* palatial estate, one where, since nobody LIVEs there, vamps can come and go at will!  Stef compelled himself a red Dixie cup of beer (read:  Asshat KoolAid) while Elena quietly hated on Bex.  He gave the Dixie to Elena, so she might let go a tad and chill.  She spied April in the crowd, so went to say hi while Stef went in search of something a bit stronger than beer.

In Bex’ gourmet kitchen, April and Elena shared the beer (don’t drink the Asshat KoolAid!) and discussed April’s conspiracy theories about dad’s not so accidental death.  She wasn’t buying eagle-nosed Pastor not noticing a gas leak, the officials swept it under the rug, and then with the shooting…Something Wicked This Way Comes, and it was Bex.

Elena hustled April’s butt out of the kitchen, so she and Bex could verbally spar.  Elena accused Bex of blowing up the Young Farm to get revenge on the Council.  Council, Smouncil, Bex didn’t care about those dodgy middle-aged fuddy duddies!  Elena had the NERVE to come in her house, throw around false accusations, and drink her beer! SNATCH!  SIP!  KOOLAID!

Speaking of snatch, why was Elena’s skin sizzling?  HER RING!  Bex light-fingered the daylight ring when she grabbed the Dixie cup!  Elena flew to a darkened corner, and Bex threw the damn thing in the garbage disposal, turned it on, and smugly walked out of the room!  WENCH!  Suck it up Elena, you got no help this time!  She scorched her way over to the island of owwies, turned off the disposal, and fished around until she got the ring back.  Bravo!  You’ve come a long way, baby!

Rage.  Unadulterated rage on Elena’s face, and Stake  2.0 in her purse (guess she got in Damon’s pants, anyways!  lol).  Stefan.  WORD.  Where’d he come from?  He wasn’t gonna stop E from killing Bex, BUT (there’s always a butt).  It’d feel really good for about ten seconds, then tens and thousands of vampires everywhere would start dropping like flies.  Everybody in her turn line.  Rage is a really powerful feeling.  Guilt will destroy you.  So, either go after Bex, or get on the back of Stef’s bike and fly!  Ladykiller much, Stef?  Elena handed over 2.0 and they sashayed out the front door.

Elena wasn’t finished yet, though.  Before leaving, Elena performed her very own free-style Dancing With The Stars kegstand (does that count as a lift?  We gave it a 9.5 for STYLE!) to show off her drinking prowess in front of Bex (NOT MORE ASSHAT KOOLAID!), who at first looked defeated, then a little woozy?  WTH?

HELMET LAWS DON’T APPLY

SOMEWHERE OUT ON THE OPEN ROAD…wind blowing through Elena’s hair (what wasn’t covered by that geeky helmet–come on, you’re vampires, you don’t need no freakin helmets!).  You could almost hear the strains of “My Heart Will Go On” in the background, even though it wasn’t the open sea, or Jack and Rose at the bow of The Titanic.  Only it was a motorcycle, and Elena got gutsy.  “I’M VAMP OF THE WORLD!”  They were havin fun!

THE STING

Two professional grifters out to con a mob boss or a shaky bromance out to eat an Asshat?  Jer had led Connor right to Dr. Meredith (sporting a convenient fake neck bandage to seal the deal) over at Mystic Falls Hospital, just as she entered the Bill Forbes Memorial Death Storage Room.  She slipped out the back way, because waiting for Asshat was Damon, Germaphobe extraordinaire.  Now how come Asshat could suddenly sense Damon in the room when he couldn’t even pick out who was a vampire before?  Headscratcher.  All of a sudden Asshat got nailed with a trusty arrow before he could get off a shot at Damon.  BLAM, that triggered a second arrow in Asshat’s other arm–payback’s a bitch!  Both arrows were strung to handy-dandy M18 Claymores!  Hello, mate!  Greetings from Santa Klaus!  Damon had this look like, “How ya like me now, bitch!?”

The shaky bromance went all Good Cop Bad Cop on the punctured Hunter.  Damon started grilling skewered Asshat about where are you from, what do you know, cue him in on the ‘greater evil’ in Pastor Young’s suicide note, because he fought Klaus (thumb jab), and there’s nothing more evil than that.  Yeah, Klaus agreed he’s as evil as it gets.  Asshat wasn’t talkin–kill him, there’s another one waiting in the wings.  Vague threats, ominous prophecies, disappearing tats–don’t look, they’re invisible.  Take Damon’s word for it, Klaus.  Was a dim light bulb glowing over Klaus’ skull?  Asshat made a lunge for Klaus with a handy stake–nice try, Klaus is faster than the average bear!  Oh, the stakes Asshat was whittling on earlier, with the etchings?  Methinks Klaus recognized the inscriptions!  The light bulb got brighter!  Asshat’s one of The Five!  Huh?  Asshat was faster than the average Hunter, too.  KABOOM!  He pulled the pin on one of the arrows and Damon went flying!  Fireball!  (blatant movie plug!)

VISIONS OF SUGAR DADDIES

After their little ‘Born to be Wild’ stint, St. Stefanus Anus Reciprecous got busy with Elena back in his Stately Salvatore bedroom.  That motorcycle got them all hot and bothered!  (Kudos for using one of the staff’s fav pop songs, “Too Close” by Alex Clare!)  Stef was all up (down) in Elena’s stuff, but when he pulled back–IT WAS DAMON!

(Oh, lawdy, our staffer almost hyperventilated from the Just-Effed Hair alone!)  She shoved at him with a NO!, and it turned into Stefan again.  WTH with the visions?  Now Elena was getting woozy, just like Bex had, and all itchy-scratchy on her arms.  Uh-oh.  Damon had said The Hunter had werewolf venom–OMG!

Isn’t it convenient that everybody has everybody else in Mystic Falls (friend and foe alike) on speed dial?  Stef began pacing in his room, trying to raise (chuckle) Klaus.  Elena was lookin mighty peekid–oh, yeah.  Vampire ingests werewolf venom (by whatever means).  Vampire starts dying.  Klaus’ blood is cure.  Elena didn’t see Stefan sitting on the foot of the bed, she SAW Damon.

Why was she thinking about him when she‘s dying (again)?  Because she’s a vampire now, and part of her knows she’s a lot more like Damon than she is like Stefan.  Klaus-serum to the rescue!  One voicemail is just as effective as nine!  lol  What would they have done if The Scooby Gang had been successful in ridding the Earth of Klaus forever, hmmm?

A few hours ago Klaus wouldn’t have cared a lick (teehee) about her dying, but now……..she may be of use to him after all.  Hmmm.  WRIST JOB!  We protest!  Bloodsharing!  Is there too much bloodsharing on TV (without Stefan getting ANY)?

PARTAY AFTERMATH

Rebekah needs hostessing lessons from Caroline!  You just DON’T ditch your own party hiding out in the Boudoir of Bex, even KoolAid hung over!  Rebekah had the what’s crawling through my arms going on, too, as Matt lounged against her boudoir doorway.  He came to her party!  Well, since she explained why she ran him off the bridge, he wanted to return the explanation.  Matt thought she was amazing.  She’d had a thousand years to learn, to grow, and to start fresh.  Awww!  Just when you think it’s safe to jump back on the Quarterback…SMACKDOWN!  Somehow she screwed up.  She’s a whiny bitch that everybody, including her own brother hates, who can’t find love because she doesn’t deserve it!

Can you say RAGE!?  CARDIAC ARREST!  Bex ripped Matty’s little heart right outa his chest and he dropped like a moonstone!  Call 9-1-1!  —-^—-^—-^—-^————————-CLEAR!  Until she dropped the heart.  Um, no Matty on the floor!?  WTH was going on here?  VISIONS!

Bex returned to wallowing in her own bed, when April showed up on trash detail.  The deputies weren’t too thrilled about the ditch-party, so everybody else bailed.  And here they were, just two lonely girls bonding over the families they no longer have.  And how come Bex wants to help April look into the farmhouse explosion?  (Question:  Does an Original vampire also need Original Hybrid blood to cure werewolf ingestion poisoning?)

SNIPER BLOWN TO BITS–ALL’S SAFE IN MYSTIC FALLS!

Congratulations all around for a well-executed hospital bombing!  Too bad Damon told Carol ‘the sniper’ was inside (wrong, oh Wise One!), but at least the one-day curfew could be lifted and life could go back to abnormal!  Jeremy patted himself on the back for being a badass (real badasses don‘t say badass), and Damon praised Meredith for a nice job!  Um, he never told her leading Asshat into the storage room was gonna end up in KABOOM!  Sick people need this place!  Contained chaos!  Nobody got hurt!  Hey, come buy Damon a farewell drink and they could talk about WTH Klaus meant by “The Five”.  Nope.  Meredith talked sense (again) to him.  Damon’s not going anywhere, and she’s not his new drinkin buddy (even though she’s been known to throw back a few on occasion).  Fix things with Stef and Elena.  Don’t let his pride leave him all alone.  :P

WHEN A SALVATORE SUMMONS…

Apparently drinking alone at Stately Salvatore Manor, Stefan asked Caroline to stop by.  He was in a musing mode–Caroline remembered being an insecure control freak before she turned.  She ‘grew into herself’ when she became a vamp–and quite nicely.  Well, Elena was changing too, and Stef wanted Car’s help.  He’d seen Elena experience a moment of sheer vamp joy on the bike that afternoon, without all the guilt and shame he’d had to go through, but he was afraid to run with her on that high.  He was afraid of falling off the Ripper wagon if he let his guard down, and there’s no Damon to stop him from teetering off the edge right now.  Would Caroline be his Damon?  She’s on board!

THOSE WHO CAN’T DO, TEACH

Elena was now out of harm’s way (and clueless as to what Klaus could use her for now?), and up to her old snack sneaking a tricks in The Gilbert Kitchen.  Answering his own summons, if Matt had known Elena was going to the Rager, he never woulda told Connor about Rebekah.  No worries, there was no way he or Jer would guess she’d go.  She was falling all over herself explaining her raging feelings, but Matt was rollin up his sleeve.  That’s what he was really there for, true?  Good thing Matty’s right-handed, at least he wasn’t offering up his throwing arm!  Terrible thoughts, violent images, and was that blood leaking outa his already wounded wrist?  Gimme some!  The Hunger!  Jaw clench–ooh, was that a wince this time?

It HURT, Elena!  ELENA!  STOP!  Damon saved the day!  Elena started freaking, while Damon compelled Matt to forget the extremes and go on home.  Nice job, son.  Now to ‘fix’ Elena.  She did nothing to be ashamed of.  She has to learn the right way to be a vampire.  He’s gonna teach her–with a hair tuck behind her ear and a weak nod of agreement.  TOLD you that statement would come back to bite!

TAXICAB CONFESSIONS

…or in this case, Mobile Meth Lab confessions, starring Klaus and Asshat.  Congratulations, Klaus saved your Ass(hat) because The Hunter’s now worth more alive than dead!  One of The Five that didn’t KNOW his own history?  Don’t be givin Klaus leverage, you most well protected vampire hunter in town!  Wicked hybrid eye-gleam!

OBITUARIES

Guess what?!?!? NOBODY DIED!  Bonnie was notably absent–possibly off playing bridge (yuk, yuk) with Sheriff Forbes–but not one corpse was carted off to the morgue!

WOOBIE WORD OF THE WEEK

Yes, it’s Woobie Word of the Week time again!  Such choices we had this week!  Awww for the kittens, but in the same mouthful…………….ADORABLE!  Honorable mention for the unspoken but undeniable Happy Trail!  :)

VOTE FOR THE ENTIRE Vampire Diaries cast to determine nominees for this year’s People’s Choice Awards!

We’re listed in four categories this year including an all new category, Favorite TV Fan Following! Yay TVD Family!  We say WRITE ’EM ALL IN!  And don’t forget to click “Other” in ‘Favorite Network TV Drama‘–write us in there, too!  I’m MAK, and I approved this message!

MAK turned her obsessive habit of TVD tweeting and commenting on other people’s recaps into The Mystic Falls Messenger. She loves the stuffins out of all things vampire, especially The Vampire Diaries. Follow her shameless tweets @mak75231 so she doesn’t feel ignored!




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19 Comments

  1. Great episode ! this fourth season is becoming really amazing !
    Shirtless Damon and association with Klaus blew it all !
    Thanks for the recap, good as always !

    • Some of us can NEVER get enough Shirtless Damom! lol Thanks for your comments–we’re loving the season as well!

  2. I love these recaps. They always crack me up. I definitely CANNOT wait for next weeks recap! This season is really turning out to be the best (:

  3. wow I was in Florida on holidays but I made sure I knew the time and channel where Vamp was on and in the midst of hurrican Sandy (one of the worst of them with 16 ft waves) I managed to sit tight lol and watch this amazing episode ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh who cared about the raging winds outside and the falling trees there was more excitement in this episode than what was going outside my door…………can’t wait till the keg party next week !!!!!!!!!!!! And Klaus up to his dirty manipulating self!!!!!!!!!!!! dam I wonder what he meant that he needed Elena for stuff…..that had me more intrigued than the whole episode.. could this mean the original doppleganger !!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Thanks for taking the time to comment! I can’t take credit for this theory, but here’s a thought…what if there’s a devious reason Klaus now finds both Connor and Elena useful? What if ancient ‘The Five’, as one of their ‘powers’, can return vampires to human form? Um, what if Connor, when he knows what he is and what he’s capable of, could revert Elena back into The Doppelganger, thus getting Klaus back his hybird-making machine? That would be one dandy reason why Klaus has a reason to stick around, AND to protect both Connor and Elena! I mean, they’re called Vampire ‘hunters’ not necessarily Vampire ‘killers’. What if they serve another purpose? Food for thought…

  4. I had the same thoughts as yours Mak ! Can’t wait to see where all this will lead us even though I was kinda disappointed that Connor didn’t die, I don’t like him and his methods !!!
    Also i’m wondering what role Jeremy will play in this season.

    • Well, judging from those pre-season ‘doily’ promo pics–Jeremy’s got the hunter tatoo himself! We shall see!

  5. Hey Mak and Anna you guys are very intuative…now I have not read any of the books (I only read Stefans diary) but is this where you might get these thoughts from!!! I mean the concept is exceptional!!!!! I for one do not like Elena as a vampire……..I would have rather her been a hunter but alas it didn’t happen…….now even though the series is not staying to close to the books there are things that are being referred back to it so my question is Elena’s original mother became a vampire after she gave birth to her correct?? And the mother’s fasination with vampires was unusual correct??? why was that such a big deal to her …..did she know that Elena was a doppelganger?? Was Elena’s mom a doppelganger as well???? and Connor is obviously doing his job well if Anna you are not liking his methods!!!!! thanks for responding hope to here from you again with some thoughts

    • Well, Lynn, the books are so totally different that this concept is completely rogue! lol Yes, Isobel became a vampire after she gave birth to Elena–go back and watch Season 1 for the details, but you get all the background on Isobel, that Elena was her and Uncle John’s illegitimate baby, and that Grayson and Miranda claimed Elena as their own since Grayson was a doctor and could get the paperwork done. Later Isobel married Alaric, and as a graduate student was fascinated by the paranormal, particularly vampires. No, Isobel wasn’t a doppelganger–they only come along as a direct descendant about every 500 years. Tatia was the Original of the Petrova line…down the road was Katerina (aka Katherine); Katherine’s illegitimate baby survived when Klaus killed the rest of her family (before she turned)…that child was a direct ancestor of Isobel, and therefore Elena. Did that make sense? lol

  6. Thanks for the response Mak Yes I am an avid Vampire Diaries fan and I knew the history of Isobel (I also own all the seasons lol) I was throwing all these other questions to see if maybe you might have some other wonderful speculations that I haven’t thought of …..but I didn’t know about the 500 year time span between dopplegangers thanks for that information I will have to rewatch my season one again….. I am just wondering what more Isobel knew that was not told to us ……..her fasination with vampires ……she wrote her thesis and she had a whole department on supernatural occurances but what led her to all that???? Is there more to her story that we do not know????? and the original Petrova Tatia she has the blood line yes but from where did that stem from…..kind of like the theory of what came first the chicken or the egg…… sorry off topic here but I truly appreciate your response………. we will be very surprised at this season especially when first and second and third have so many clues to the fourth season I could just scream!!!!!! ok sorry off topic again lol

  7. Great recap. So, WHY did Connor need to go all meth lab on the werewolf venom? Doesn’t it….just work? Why not just put it in the keg as is?

    On your question about Beks needing Klaus blood-my take is no because she’s invulnerable except to the white oak stake. So I’d say it worked its way out of her like food or alcohol poisoning?

    • Hey, Lil! I’m thinking Connor’s little distillery was to ‘extend’ the essence of werewolf–so he could make what he got from Tyler go farther. Who knows? Even Connor seems oblivious as to who he is and how he got there–somebody had to send him to MF in the first place. You’re probs right about Bex, and she just has to get over the hangover, since she’s an Original. Maybe it will work as an anti-psychotic on her and she’ll stop waffling her personality! lol

  8. OMG! I can’t believe I’m just starting to read your recaps now. You rock, girly girl! The screencaps, the subheadings, the nicknames, the snark . . . so much fun! Thanks so much for taking the time to write these. I can personally attest to the time contribution involved.

    I especially adore your Woobie Word of the week. (I never get enough of that teddy bear picture.) And of course, loved Damon’s just-effed hair (pre-effed?)

    Between Damon’s O-face, during the “hand suck” last week, and his strip tease / sex straddle, this week, I’m beginning to get a pretty good idea of the images that Nina Dobrev gets to enjoy on a nightly basis, if you catch my drift.

    Anywhoo, I just wanted to let you know that I adored your recap, and love talking TVD with you.

    • I am truly blushing! High praise indeed from my hero of recappers! [Insert Wayne or Garth whining, “I’m not WORTHY!” lol] Drift caught, effed, and O’d! lol Thank you SO MUCH for reading and commenting. You made my week!

  9. Can’t wait until thursday, I’m just keepin watchin and watchin the episode all over again. Klaus and Damon are …. awwww
    But something bothered me, Stefan and Damon and all our heroes seem to take klaus’s return with philosophy.

    As when Damon calls for Tyler and Klaus responds it’s just ” hey Klaus … ” , and Stefan who calls as soon as he understands that Elena is poisonned by werewolf venom, and leaves 9 voicemails to Klaus ( I liked the “as effective as one” but how the hell does he have Klaus’s number ? I mean when they put him in the coffin after stoppin his heart, I guess he didn’t keep the phone with him… ?) … Please! the guys just spent all the season 3 fighting and trying to get rid of Klaus, and it seems it’s only him who remembers and keeps bitter memories… I liked when he asked stefan what would they have done if they had succeeded in killing him… And no one asks explanations to Bonnie, the whole thing is just “normal”…

    Rebekah tearing Matt’s heart in her hallucination is a great scene also ! I really like Claire Holt even when she plays a Mean and bicthy Bex.

    • Yes, the return of Klaus may have been a tad ‘underwhelming’ for our characters, but I think we all knew he’d be back sooner rather than later. I’m excited they may be giving him another reason to hang around, and hopefully bring back the rest of his siblings (even if it’s just to get rid of him again–lol)! Keep watching, Thursday’s not far off now! :)

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