#TheOriginals Snark The Final Season, Part Twelve “The Tale of Two Wolves”

It is with worry in my heart that I write this. I worry that Klaus is not much longer for this world, and I don’t know if I can handle it. I really don’t.

Aside from that, this episode had some GREAT lines. Some snark, sure, and some great lines about family and how no one is a “mistake.” Not in this family.

Alaric wins the best line of the episode with a shout-out to Harry Potter’s He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, and the Klaroline moment of “you weren’t the villain of my story” and the fact that Caroline “couldn’t watch” Klaus turn himself into The Hollow warmed my heart, while the final scenes and the previews for this week’s – the very final – episode tore it out in more ways than I thought possible.

Here’s my favorite lines – some snark, some sweet, some awkward – from this, the penultimate episode of The Originals.

Elijah: Its been a long time since we shared a drink together.
Marcel: You’re gonna need it.

Elijah: Mystic Falls? I take it you have a plan.
Klaus: I do. While I execute it, I need you to look after her to make sure she doesn’t exert herself.
Elijah: Wouldn’t it be better for you to find someone that Hope despises a little less than me – perhaps, quite literally, any one else she’s ever met?

Caroline: At the Salvatore School for the Young and Gifted, we are big on spirit. Education is first priority, obviously. We’ve sent students to the Ivy League, to Silicon Valley. Of course, if you’re looking for a more unique course of study, I assure you, we are unmatched. We believe in inclusive blending of the species here, so outside of full moons, vampires, witches, and werewolves are cohabitate peacefully.
Klaus: Where do you keep the hybrids? In the root cellar?
Caroline: Excuse me, I just need one minute with this very lost new janitor. Come on, Bob, I’ll show you the toilets.

Caroline: Seriously? You’re not exactly a selling point for this place.
Klaus: Because these kids have so many other options.
Caroline: I thought we made a deal about you showing up in Mystic Falls.
Klaus: That was a long time ago. I need your help, Caroline. Hope is dying.

Klaus: I need a very rare type of witch . . . from the Gemini coven.
Caroline: You can’t be serious.
Klaus: I need your daughters. Caroline.

Elijah: The diary of Stefan Salvatore.
Hope: We’re not supposed to touch it, but I practically have the whole thing memorized. Spoiler alert: Dad is the villain and you’re the evil henchman.
Elijah: From one, very biased, perspective.
Hope: Yeah, well, I got a second opinion. The Mystic Falls Files, by Alaric Saltzman, Volume 1. In every story, Dad is the Big Bad Wolf.

Elijah: Davina said she gave you some pills for the discomfort.
Hope: Yeah, well, you know what would really make me feel better? Spending the day with, like, anyone else.

Elijah: I know this place in town that has a disturbingly decadent burger. Let’s do that.
Hope: I’m not hungry.
Elijah: Fine, you can have a milkshake.


Caroline: So, after they siphon it from Hope, what are they supposed to do with it? You can’t just shove a demon in a jar and put it on a shelf!
Klaus: They’ll put it in me.
Caroline: That’s great. And then you can practice mindful meditation while we just cross our fingers and hope that you don’t develop some sort of temper. Oh. Wait.

Josie: What do we get if we say “yes?”
Caroline: That warm feeling in your heart that comes from helping a friend in need.
Josie: Well, we are in need of new cell phones.
Lizzie: And, permission to go to the senior solstice dance. And, you and Dad, take the skirt-length rules out of the dress code. Its anti-feminist and oppressive.
Josie: And not cute.
Caroline: No to the phones. Maybe to the dance. And yes to defying the patriarchy one plaid skirt at a time. Deal?
Lizzie: Deal.

Alaric: Whatever the Hell’s going on here, no.

Elijah: That would be a stop sign approaching. That’s a stop sign.
Hope: Okay, okay, don’t have a panic attack about it. Its not like I can kill you, and I’m dying already, so . . .
Elijah: Is it absolutely necessary to destroy this work of art in the process?


Its a Bentley, dude. It is a work of art!

Hope: I just . . . don’t think I was meant to exist in the first place. I think about all the crazy things that led to me being born. Dad lives 1,000 years, does weird ritual to become the only vampire who can procreate. Mom moves from foster home to foster home to end up in Mystic Falls. When Dad got sad and drunk . . .
Elijah: Okay.
Hope: . . . had a one-nighter with mom.
Elijah: We don’t have to . . .
Hope: . . . who was basically hate-banging him.
Elijah: We honestly . . .
Hope: Then, boom. Loophole.
Elijah: Yeah.
Hope: Miracle baby. But can you be a miracle and mistake at the same time?
Elijah: No one is a mistake, Hope.

Hope: If I die in jock-revenge mode, it’ll be worth it.

Hope: Yeah. That felt good.
Elijah: Yeah.

Caroline: I’m confiscating this. Forever.
Alaric: Fine. Its only for the security of the school, but apparently that’s a thing of the past, since you’re just inviting Voldemort to campus.

Alaric: He still clouds your judgement.
Caroline: What are you talking about?
Alaric: I am talking about Klaus Mikaelson. A cockroach of a creature who wrought havoc on this Earth for 1,000 years and can never be stamped out, ever. And you just want to give him more evil power?

Caroline: This is not something Bonnie can do. Our girls can. And then you can pop a bottle of champagne and watch him sink to the bottom of the Atlantic. Everyone wins.


Klaus: Very impressive system. Secure, I’m sure, if you’re a baby werewolf navigating puberty. But I’m a little past that.
Caroline: Klaus . . .
Klaus: Alaric’s right. The ocean won’t hold me. But when I’ve transferred The Hollow’s magic out of Hope, I don’t intend to drown in it.
Caroline: What is that?
Klaus: This is the last remaining White Oak stake. When the power is in me, there’s only one way to make sure its gone for good. Someone needs to kill me.

Klaus: They fit fine. A bit dusty, but . . .
Caroline: Well, the previous owner died a decade ago, so . . . You know, he chose not to warn me before sacrificing his life, either.
Klaus: Caroline . . .
Caroline: Don’t. Why didn’t you tell me the truth? Did you think that I wouldn’t let you go through with it?
Klaus: Well, perhaps I didn’t want to know either way!
Caroline: Where do you even get a White Oak stake?
Klaus: It was decades ago. I was going to destroy it, but the weight of immortality was heavier then.

Caroline: Are you sure that there’s no other way?
Klaus: There’s always another way. Somewhere, written in some forgotten language, in some city lost in lava, likely lies buried the secret to having everything I want all at once. But I’m not gonna find it today, and today is all I have.
Caroline: I’m going to convince Ric to let our girls help you out with this. Because you are being a good father. And you are being a good person, and how could I tell you not to do that when that is all I have ever . . . Oh, this would be so much easier if you just . . . stayed the Big Bad Wolf.

Elijah: You know your father would kill me if he knew I let you do that.
Hope: I won’t tell.
Elijah: Please don’t.

Hope: If I go back, am I ever going to see you again?
Hayley: Not for a very, very long time. So you better have good stories, okay? Make art. Use your voice. Have adventures. And have at least one totally epic love. And be every bit of yourself. Because the very best of me is in you.
Hope: I love you, Mom.
Hayley: I love you, too. Always and forever.

Hayley: I need you to do something for me.

Hope: . . . I do have a curfew pretty soon.
Landon: Ah. The private school behind the iron gates doesn’t want their fancy students hanging out with townie riffraff too late? Shocking.
Hope: No. There’s plenty of riffraff behind those gates. Trust me.
Landon: So, you know that, uh, that jerk from the Grill earlier? Apparently, he totally wrecked his car today. And now you’re here, and the music’s good, so before my luck runs out, which it will . . . do you maybe wanna dance or something?
Hope: You want me to dance with you?
Landon: Fair warning, I might suck at it. I haven’t really thought this whole thing through. Kind of living in the moment here.

Klaus: Thank you for allowing your daughters to be involved in this mess. For trusting me.
Caroline: Years ago, when the girls were really little, I was in trouble. I was scared; I just, I put the girls in the car, and I drove. And I ended up in New Orleans . . . looking for you. You weren’t there, but . . . but the point is, I think a part of me has always known that . . . you weren’t the villain of my story.


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Allison Smith

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