There have been a couple of very heavy episodes lately, but The Originals writers almost always find a way to throw verbal daggers around their characters.
Even when one of those characters are not quite themselves.
Non-Elijah and Klaus, for instance. Locked in a Chambre de Chasse together. One convinced his brother is dead, and the reason his daughter no longer has a mother (like I said, heavy). The other refusing to remember his family, and the reason his fiancé is dying is standing in front of him. They lock horns, sure. And its great. But its just not a great with Non-Elijah as it will be when Our Elijah is back with us. (And we get him back this episode, too!)
There’s some chuckles, daggers, speeches that will make you cry, and even that wonderful snark in this episode.
So, just a regular Wednesday night, right?
Perhaps my favorite (and not just because Joseph Morgan could read me the phonebook) of this episode, is the introduction.
Klaus: In New Orleans, bodies cannot be buried, instead in boxes above the ground, the dead cluster together. When a man passes on, his family tomb is cracked open. Old bones are shoved aside to make room for fresh remains. Bloodlines rot, entangled. The houses are that way, too. Layer upon layer of peeling paint, hiding little tragedies. Scorch marks from the fires. Waterlines on wallpaper. These are the tombs of the living, wherein we rot alongside memories of our dead. Crowded with people we have failed and those who have failed us, we are forced to struggle with those we love.
Elijah: Every last exit is sealed. And if you’re thinking about jumping, don’t. I already tried it. Landed in the world’s most pretentious wine cellar.
Klaus: You sorted it by vintage.
Elijah: I still remember absolutely nothing, and Antoinette is dying.
Klaus: Is she? Right. Yes, I’d forgotten.
Klaus: Its called a Chambre de Chasse. Its a magical prison designed to resemble our home. But don’t worry. There’s always a way out – a game, or a riddle.
Klaus: We don’t do anything. We’re square, you and I. You got Hayley killed, and Antoinette will die because of me. I would hate to upset that delicate balance.
Kol: * drops into Chambre de Chasse * Oh, bloody Hell. My least favorite nightmare.
Kol: Elijah, if we’re to get through this without bloodshed, I recommend that you go to the corner of the house furthest from Nik.
Elijah: You know Klaus came to visit me at my bar in France. Rebekah, too. You didn’t.
Kol: You and I have never really had much in common besides our dashing good looks.
And you and Freya more or less murdered my wife, so . . .
Klaus: She needs a name, Hayley.
Hayley: Zoe? Caitlin? Katherine?
Klaus: God, no.
Hayley: I never knew I could love something so much. It, honestly, it feels . . . awful. Like it might kill me.
Klaus: You know, when Elijah thought you were dead, he said we’d lost our family’s only hope.
Hayley: Hope. Hope Mikaelson.
Klaus: Hope Andrea Mikaelson.
Marcel: You got something against literature?
Kol: Well, these are the collective works of William Shakespeare. Love, power, betrayal. How to thrive in the Mikaelson clan 101.
Rebekah[to Freya]: I guess I’ve always been jealous of her [Hayley]. I was jealous when I saw her with Hope. I was jealous when she got married. I guess I’m even jealous that she’s dead.
Kol: Wow, that’s morbid.
Klaus: Freya, what have you done?
Freya: Hope asked for my help.
Klaus: So you decided to lend a hand in her destruction?
Rebekah: I was avoiding you.
Marcel: Look, I gotta ask. How come your pain-in-the-ass brother Kol can be happy with someone he loves, but you can’t?
Rebekah: Can this conversation please wait?
Marcel: Till when? I mean, tomorrow you’ll be gone or the world will be on fire.
Rebekah: The world is on fire, Marcel.
Marcel: You know, I used to think I could choose when to love you. You’d leave, and then I’d fall back into the arms of this city. Every time. But that’s not working anymore. I love you, Rebekah. I always have and I always will. The least you could do is tell me why you left me, standing alone at City Hall.
Rebekah: Why would you want to be loved by me, Marcel? My family is cursed.
Elijah: There is no memory lane.
Marcel: That’s what I’m told. Though I find it very hard to believe, considering Vincent finished the spell.
Elijah: Maybe Vincent should find himself a new hobby, ’cause clearly this witchcraft thing isn’t working out for him. Either that, or whatever meddling you did fried my brain.
Marcel: You know, you’re all the same. You, setting fire to your guilt. Rebekah, pretending she doesn’t love me and Elijah . . . lying about his memories.
Klaus: What do you mean?
Marcel: He just called me “Marcellus.”
Marcel: Things are creeping in, only nothing of substance, nothing that hurts. If Elijah doesn’t know who he is, its not because of magic. Its because he doesn’t want to remember.
Rebekah: Its not like you held a family vote before you decided to erase all of us.
Elijah: Have you ever considered the possibility that perhaps you don’t even want me back? I mean, it seems to me that I make you all incredibly miserable.
Kol: We all make each other miserable.
Rebekah: But through it all, we are a family, and we made a vow. Always and forever.
Elijah: I made another vow! And the woman that I pledged my life to is out there, and she is dying.
Klaus: So you know how it feels to have your flesh melt from your bones, have your insides turned to lava. Because that pain is the last thing Hayley knew. No swift and painless death for her. Just raw fire! Its true. And that is what’s behind your door: the truth about what you did to the woman you love.
Klaus: Come on. Let’s be done with my daughter’s maze of metaphors.
Kol: Oh, bloody Hell. Now we’re in Elijah’s mental maze. Of all the hells I’ve had to endure . . .
Elijah: The door. What is this, Hope’s revenge? Imprison me till I reclaim all of my memories, forcing me to accept accountability for all of this?
Kol: Well, as much as I love a cherry on top of a scheme . . . I have somewhere else to be.
Klaus: Its just a door, Elijah! Open it!
Klaus: You killed my brother when you let Hayley die. Because despite what you might think, you did love her. Not ’cause of some family obsession, because of her. Because she believed in something better for all of us. And because she fought for it when we couldn’t. Come on. I don’t know who you’ll be on the other side of that door, but I know that you can’t open it alone. You need me.
Rebekah: I want that. A life with context. I want to have children and grow old. I want to . . . die a brittle lady with spots on my hands and clouds in my eyes. But I’ll never have that.
Marcel: You get to have so much more than that. WE get to bear witness, to watch history unfold, to see barriers fall, to see the oppressed rise. We get to watch it all. Together. Isn’t that worth it?
Rebekah: That’s why you’re so great at being a vampire, Marcel. You chose this. I didn’t have a choice. I’m cursed and . . . I’m angry. I don’t want you to promise to be by my side while I fester. ‘Cause I love you, Marcel. That’s why I won’t let my sadness destroy you.
Freya: Hope is fine. No fevers, no magical outbursts.
Klaus: Yeah, I just looked in on her. She’s practically comatose.
Freya: She’s asleep.
Now that Hope’s a teenager, he’s going to start holding a mirror up under her nose while she’s sleeping, to make sure he’s breathing isn’t he? Oh, nervous-Daddy Klaus is going to be . . . interesting, me thinks!
Join us Wednesday for a new episode, and more snark!