With the backdrop of the annual talent show (that apparently the witches always win), and a unicorn wandering onto campus, this week’s monster was more of the . . . Wrath of Kahn kind. Yep, mind-controlling slugs.
Which lead to a few interesting convos, as you would imagine.
Queue the Snark!!
Hope: I know this is important, but you couldn’t’ve put pants on first?
Alaric: It’s a little early for snark, Hope.
Hope: Hey, wait. Hold your fire!
Dorian: It’s the monster, Hope, it’s here to take the artifact.
Hope: You’re not seriously suggesting that we kill a unicorn?
Dorian: I’m suggesting we don’t give it a pass because it’s cute.
Rafael: Somebody’s in a really good mood this morning.
Hope: Just woke up on the right side of the bed, I guess.
Landon: For the first time ever.
Hope: You’re so funny. I love that about you.
Lizzie: Remember what mom said. We are airy clouds, floating high above a turbulent sea of drama.
Josie: Two clouds that are not triggered by seeing ex-boyfriends –
Lizzie: – who also do not make out with ex-girlfriends.
Alaric: If I could have your attention, last night we were able to capture a monster here on the grounds. We have everything under control, but given this potential danger, it is with a heavy heart that I must postpone the talent show.
Hope: I’ll keep an eye out, but, um, I think someone has an eye out for you.
Josie: Oh, dear god, hide me.
Hope: What do you think it says: check this box if you want to kiss me, check this box if you want to kill me?
Josie: I don’t know, and I do not wanna find out.
Hope: If you need me to help you smite the she-devil, I got you girl.
Josie: Ok, did Emma just slip you happy pills or something?
Alaric: Vampires, werewolves, dragons. I mean, I have faced . . . terrifying danger in my life. But there’s only one day in my calendar marked with a black “X.” One day I . . . fear above all others. Because if I have to hear somebody sing how many minutes there are in a year . . . one more time . . . I’m gonna throw myself to the unicorn.
Dorian: Lookit you. Eating hay. Acting all innocent. You might’ve fooled everybody else, but I’ve got my eyes on you.
Hope: Do you trust me?
Kaleb: We should. We should. We should sing! That’ll show ’em. Ok. ok. Alright. You, get me a piano. MG, We’re Gonna Need a Spotlight. Everyone else? Line up. I’m gonna need to see how high you can kick!
Landon: You sure cake decorating counts as a talent?
Hope: Well, um, you told me that you don’t know karate, then you stepped on my feet during the salsa, and then you straight-up refused to try synchronized ribbon dancing.
Landon: Sorry. My dignity wouldn’t fit in the unitard.
Hope: Ew, Landon, what is that?
Landon: Ever see “Wrath of Kahn?”
VHope: Mr Williams, we need your help. Dr Saltzman’s been MIA, and this creepy slug came out of my ear.
Hope: See? Harmless?
Penelope: I thought you were avoiding me?
Josie: I was. I mean, I am.
Penelope: You’re not doing a very good job.
Josie: Maybe I’m sick of always doing a good job. Do you wanna get out of here?
Dorian: Except the unicorn wasn’t the monster. It was the host. To this thing, a parasite. It hitched a ride here on that Trojan Horse, and then it moved on to us. From what Hope describes it, it sounds like it latches on to the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain associated with inhibitions.
Hope: So, I was slug drunk?
Landon: Invasion of the Body Snatchers? The Faculty? I say again, The Wrath of Kahn? Sci-fi is our modern day myths.
Alaric: I think I liked the last three bars better than this one.
Emma: The perils of small-town life, you quickly exhaust your drinking establishment options.
Alaric: I have a doctorate in history . . . and drinking games.
Hope: When I touched the switch to the kitchen vent, it shocked me, and that’s when the slug popped out.
Landon: Great, so we just have to find a way to electrocute everyone in the school without killing them.
Rafael: Stillness. A light breaks inside. Unity. And division. Tension. All these wolves staring at me, waiting for the answer. Expectation is a cancer. Oh, you can’t, sir? Then who will? Two brothers brought up together. Then one’s left behind because he’s no longer needed. Violence inside of me, inside . . . I’m bleeding. I can’t believe what I’m feeling. Since the moment you danced with me. Buried so deep. Rising up, enchanting me. And it won’t go away. And I was never jealous of anything you ever had. Until today. And why is that artifact here? Monsters coming. People running. Asked for answers, always nothing. I say we get rid of it.
Hope: That should hold the pod people in for now. Let’s go!
Alaric: Dorian! Whass up?
Dorian: There are mind-controlling slug lose in the school making people act crazy. Electricity is the only way to de-slug them so we’ve gotta find a way to shock everybody.
Alaric: We’re on our way.
Emma: Mind-control slugs?
Alaric: We’re totally infected, aren’t we?
Alaric: Do you wanna shock yourself?
Alaric: Well, that’s totally awkward.
Lizzie: Have you two gone crazy?
Hope: You’ve been infected with a min-controlling parasite, that’s why you’ve been so nice all day.
Lizzie: That is not why I’ve been – hey –
Landon: I don’t see any slug trails.
Lizzie: What are you are you freaks talking about – OW!
Landon: What was that?
Lizzie: Unchain me and maybe I will tell you, you thrift store hobbit!
Dorian: I’m so glad you’re ok.
Alaric: I’m flattered.
Josie: So, what was in that note that you gave me?
Penelope: You were supposed to read it.
Josie: You can’t just tell me what it says?
* Penelope kisses Josie *
Penelope: That’s what was in it.
Josie: You know that we’re never getting back together, right?
Hope: No so fast, Thelma and Louise.
Hope: Found the canes.
Josie: Thank god, I can’t believe I wanted to sing.
Lizzie: Oh, you’re still singing.
Lizzie: Those slugs revealed your uninhibited self. You really wanna share the spotlight with the worst sister ever, Josie Saltzman? The spotlight is officially yours.
Hope: So, it took 3 showers, but I think I’m finally clean.
Landon: Three of them? Wow.
Hope: Three. Uh huh.
Landon: I don’t have slug envy or anything, but why do you think I wasn’t infected? I mean, it got pretty much everybody except Lizzie, and she had the bracelet. Unless something’s just wrong with me.
Hope: I don’t – I don’t know.
Landon: Oh, come on. Professional Monster Hunter Hope Mikaelson doesn’t even have a theory?
Hope: I guess we’ll add it to the list of unexplainable things about Landon Kirby. I was being ridiculous all day. But I was happy. The things I did, how I acted. Maybe I could be that way all the time. Maybe the only thing keeping me from being happy is me.
Landon: Well, if life was about being happy all the time, neither of us would’ve lasted this long. Which would be a real shame, because then you would never hear how bad I am at singing.
Lizzie: I tortured myself trying so hard to be nice and all it got me was a headache, and everyone thinking I was infected. I just don’t think that I can change. Everyone just assumes that I’m going to be a bitch. Maybe I should just be what they want me to be.
Alaric: Well, that seems redundant.
Lizzie: Does it, though? We won, didn’t we? The witches remain undefeated. So that is why I have decided to permanently unleash my inner bitch. Thank you, Daddy. This has been the perfect talk.
Alaric: You know, some people think that the real you comes out when your inhibitions are lowered. But in my experience, sometimes what really defines someone is what they won’t do.
Alaric: I hate that urn. So, I’m just gonna get rid of it.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – I REALLY love that the title of the episode ends up in the dialogue! It’s such a small thing, but so cool.