Legacies Snark “Some People Just Want to Watch the World Burn”
First and foremost, I want to say that I think its pretty awesome that the writers have worked the episode titles into both episodes so far, and I hope they keep it up. Its cool!
Second, I really loved some of the zingers that happened in this episode. I feel like the show is really coming up on its own, and I can’t wait for more.
So, without further ado, let’s get to them shall we?
Hope: No legacy is so rich as honesty. When Shakespeare wrote that he obviously didn’t know what I know about teenaged boys.
Emma: I see you’ve doubled-down on your nihilism this morning.
Hope: I’m trying to be rich with honesty.
Emma: Start from the beginning.
Hope: Of my short-lived but horrific romances with liars?
Hope: But, go ahead, take your time, nothing at stake here.
Hope: It should be said that Shakespeare wasn’t completely clueless. He had plenty of advice about how to handle betrayal. He said, “think therefore on revenge and cease to weep.”
Lizzie: Well, uh, funny thing, actually, Josette. This morning, as I was desperately trying to make this trash bag of a jersey look cute, I suddenly had the urge to purge. I ran to the bowl, and lo and behold, heaved up a gallon of black goo. So, seeing as I haven’t been dabbling in any illicit black magic recently I can only imagine it was a twin-sympathy hurl.
Josie: Go away, evil one.
Penelope: Hot tip. Next time you burn your ex’s hair off, make sure she can’t rock a lob.
Lizzie: Bounce, MG. If you hurry, you can catch the Blair Bitch and tongue chum her again.
Lizzie: Did She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named just fat shame me?
Alaric: Hey, girls. Listen.
Josie: Don’t do it. Don’t say whatever it is you’re about to say, because you have “Dad face.” And wherever “Dad face” goes, “daughter disappointment” always follows.
Alaric: I can’t make the game today.
Josie: But, Dad, you’re the coach!
Lizzie: And, I’m QB1 this year.
Lizzie: They mock us.
Alaric: Because they are small town kids, with small minds.
Hope: What are you doing?
Rafael: Fixing the sway bar.
Hope: Was it broken?
Rafael: It is now.
Hope: So, give me the engine thingy.
Hope: I have actual magic powers.
Rafael: And I have a long history of anger issues.
Alaric: He can come.
Ref: Alright, guys. Let’s have a good, clean, entirely uneventful game –
Kyle: Like we do every year, when we beat your asses down.
Ref: Not exactly the spirit, Kyle.
Hope: I appreciate the passion, but maybe you should exert some of it in making new friends.
Rafael: So I can be as popular and well-liked as you? Yeah, I’ve been at the school for 2 days, and I already heard all about Hope Mikaelson and her sunny disposition. I’ll get you the stupid-not-stupid knife, and the answers you want. I promise.
Hope: And why should I believe you?
Rafael: Because I don’t lie.
Hope: Everybody lies. He’s in the root cellar. You have three minutes to do it your way.
Lizzie: One word. One word and I could burn her perky little boobs to ash.
Penelope: I was giving you what you wanted.
MG: No, you were taking a shot at Josie. And when someone other than Lizzie takes a shot at Josie, they tend to wake up with Scabies. You ever had Scabies before? They’re nasty.
Dorian: A pyromancer?
Alaric: A woman who smelled like she’d been dipped in an ashtray, and breathed fire instead of words, what else could she be?
Dorian: There’s only a couple dozen left – mostly in East Asia.
Alaric: Well, now there’s one wandering around the woods, off Route 29.
Dorian: Alright, I’m on it. I’ll call you back when I figure out how you can restrain her without getting barbecued.
Alaric: How’re the girls doin’?
Dorian: Oh, they’re killing it . . . or not killing it.
Landon: I don’t even remember stealing it!
Hope: Of course not. How about pretending to be compelled?
Landon: That was to avoid being thrown back into the werewolf dungeon!
Hope: Transitional Cell!
Landon: Small spaces!
Rafael: I know him, and if he’s says there’s a fire-breathing woman running through the woods –
Alaric: There’s a fire-breathing woman running through the woods. Did I, or did I not say “do not engage?!”
Hope: He’s only dangerous if crappy apologies can kill.
Alaric: And looks can be decieving.
Hope: If he says “I swear” one more time, I’m gonna melt him.
Lizzie: Come on, Jo, you’re ruining an epic moment here.
Josie: No, no, this isn’t what we talked about.
Lizzie: Well, I’m calling an audible, and I need you to get on board.
Rafael: There’s a fire-breather outside, can you prioritize your rage?
Dorian: Dragon. She steals treasure, breathes fire, hides the loot in her lair. She’s not a pyromancer, she’s a –
Alaric: – Dragons don’t exist. Or look like normal people.
Dorian: There was a time we would’ve said that about vampires.
Alaric: Ok, fine, she’s a human dragon. Now what?
Dorian: To take down a dragon, you need a butt-load of courage and a sword.
Hope: Did anyone ever tell you, smoking’s bad for you?
Hope: I know. Quitting’s hard.
Hope: Took you long enough.
Rafael: What? I couldn’t find a rock!
Hope: There is literally a liar full of heavy things.
Rafael: Hope, alley-oop!
Lizzie: What are you doing?
Josie: Calling an audible of my own.
Josie: Dead serious. And you should be, too. Dad told us to lose today for a reason.
Caleb: Well, he ain’t here. So, screw that.
Josie: No one would be here if it weren’t for him. My Dad built this school for supernaturals like us, so if we win by flaunting all the things that make us different, we’re gonna lose a lot more than a stupid game. We’ll lose everything. You really want Dad to stop loving us? Keep it up.
MG: She’s right, Lizzie, we’ve gotta lose the game.
Lizzie: I didn’t ask for your opinion.
Penelope: Or . . . door number 3?
Lizzie: Good idea, Satan. But you can’t have my immortal soul.
Dorian: Found it! The soft spot. That’s how you kill it.
Alaric: Nah, knife to the heart did the trick.
Dorian: Huh. Ok. So much for research.
Alaric: What are you reading, Game of Thrones?
Dorian: Puff the Magic Dragon.
Alaric: Look, this just doesn’t make any sense. Its got to be something else. Nope, it’s a dragon alright . . . I’m gonna have to call you back.
Alaric: You wake up with a death wish today?
Hope: Something like that.
Alaric: What is this? This isn’t Earth Magic, Hope!
Hope: This wasn’t an Earth Magic problem
Alaric: We don’t allow Black Magic! It gets inside your heart and poisons your mind. Now, I looked the other way this morning, because I knew you were upset. But, this is a death spell. A spell you couldn’t’ve known you needed to use on a dragon, which means . . . .which means you had other plans for it. Now, Landon did something stupid – maybe evil – we wont know until we learn more, but . . . He’s still just a kid, Hope. And so are you. This hatred, this vengeance, this is your father. It can’t be you. I won’t allow it.
Alaric: Its coming back. Now what?
Hope: You should take cover.
Alaric: Like Hell.
Hope: Then tell me how I’m going to explain to your daughters that all that’s left of you is hot ash.
Alaric: Pulling the Dad card? That’s a low blow.
Penelope: Hey. No, whoa, towel on. Please, cuz vampire or not, the last thing I want to see is your Lost Boy.
MG: Damn, Ps, you gotta stop lurking.
Penelope: Its time for a strategy sesh.
MG: Nah. I listened to you all day, and the only things your tricks did was make the wrong girl look my way. I’m out.
Penelope: This is a long con, Milton. Trust me, Lizzie’s nemisis Dana liking you, that’s the puzzle piece you need to crack Lizzie’s candy shell and get to her gooey center. Today was a total win, for you.
MG: You hate Lizzie, why do you care?
Penelope: Because some people just wanna watch the world burn.
Josie: You mad at me?
Lizzie: No, I’m mad at the world and you just happen to be in it.
Josie: So, what are we going to do about Dad?
Lizzie: More like “what is he going to do to us?”
Dorian: Trying to make a run for it?
Alaric: Yeah. I just noticed this gate wasn’t locking the other day.
Dorian: You worried about people getting out?
Alaric: I’m worried about what might want to get in.
Alaric: How am I supposed to protect them from stuff that’s not supposed to exist?
With their help, Alaric. With their help. And maybe some long lost, but not forgotten friends’ help as well.
Tune in tomorrow for more of the one-liners, zingers., burns, and deep observations about life!