Mystic Falls Messenger
Isn’t Ric the sheriff of the Zombiepocalypse? Wasn’t Deputy Shane already The Walking Dead? Are The Salvatore Brothers masquerading as Daryl and Merle? Could Bonnie pull off the chutzpah of Michonne, invisichained pet notwithstanding? Are Matty and Bex auditioning to be Glenn and Maggie? Is Silas impersonating The Governor, and just who the heck is Little Ass Kicker?
Editor’s note: Bless our screencapper! Ruthie had to dig through the archives AND the wayback machine to capture all these fun blasts from the past. And talk about yer special effects! Ruthie can make Silas look like ANYONE!
Not your ordinary Society News: Nope, it’s Sigmund Stefan’s Simple Sublimation. Mr. Fix-Your-Focus held a therapy session to get Elena to channel her inner hate. First lesson: How to turn into a block-breaking machine. Oh, Elena, how far you’ve come since Self-Defense Against the Dark Boyfriends 101! She aced the exam, but failed the test. No amount of block busting would channel her focused hate into love, hope, or compassion. Your fault, Sigmund! You tuned her emo channel into a single feeling station! Since they were in Stef’s bedroom, was it good for him? And while we’re asking questions, WHERE’S KATHERINE? Elena tried to rationalize that Stef had wanted to kill Klaus after he turned his emo back on–but he couldn‘t. Second lesson: Learn to count! That order was 50 pull-ups, not nine! Elena sucks at counting, but extra credit for carrying on a casual (yet murderously descriptive) workout convo! Housekeeping! Send up a maid with a broom and a heavy duty trash bag!
THIS WEEK AT THE MYSTIC GRILL
Morning Special: Matt Donovan’s Graduation for Fun and No Profit lecture. Inquiring Vintage Vampresses wanna know! Tasty postal impending ceremony tidbits, gently seasoned with obliging monetary gifts. Basted with pretty much brilliant, but hold the family! As a faux-senior, Rebekah needed this repast, but why wasn’t Matt partaking? He wasn’t holding his breath for the Mom-aroma. Check, please? Um, no.
Street side, Caroline served up batches of her own prolific graduation announcements, garnished with postage by less than enthusiastic Elena. How quickly the My Little Pony extensions fade! Elena was on a diet of only one serving of family friends in Denver, with a side of nobody cares, least of all her. Caroline tried to whet Elena’s appetite with cheerful ’only a phase’ Katherine distraction, but Elena needed it chilled! WHERE’S KATHERINE?
GETTING ZEN IN CREEPY COUNTRY
We’ll tell you Where’s Katherine–out playing reluctant Tough Mudder in $500 boots with Bonnie in the Wildwood! To complete last week’s Turn Truly Immortal Deal of the Day, Bonnie had to ’talk’ to Qetsiyah. Patience was never one of Katherine’s virtues! Bonnie IMpatiently explained the three points of the Expression Triangle (as if ANYONE in this story needs remedial triangle lessons), ending there at witch massacre central. She had to charge up all three points, then channel the energy from The Pet Rock Tombstone. Only then could Bonnie drop The Veil INSIDE the Triangle points long enough to get what she needed. Which was? Only one person has ever been able to put down 2000-year-old evil, tormenting Silas–Qetsiyah.
IF Bonster can contact her, she can ask how to put Silas out of their miseries. Rock, please? Kat failed to see how flooding our fair city with dead supes to ask ancient dead witch for not one, but TWO favors? We had to think about that a sec, ourselves. Oh, yeah, 1) how to euthanize Silas, and 2) make Kat immortal. SMH. KATHERINE IS NOT AMUSED. But! She turned to desert the deal and ran smack dab into an Invisiwall. Bwahaaa! Bon had linked them so Silas couldn’t brainnap Katherine and figure out No Full Moon Required. Rock, please?
RECYCLING GILBERT KITCHEN CRIME SCENE TAPE
LOOK INTO THE LIGHT, LIZZIE ANN
Stefan missed morning Donuts with Damon, who was SUPPOSED to be helping burn off Elena’s hate-filled calories. Nope, Damon wasn’t wasting his time avoiding the inevitable, he’d responded to their summons from Sheriff Liz over at Mystic Falls Hospital. Some phreaky phlebotomist had drained five patients of most of their juices, resulting in MAJOR door decorating throughout one wing of the joint. Shades of Gilbert Kitchen remodeling! Was Silas refueling for something big? You got some ‘splaining to do, boys! Liz needed the 4-1-1 on WTH Bonnie spelling a Veil drop meant? Damon Salvatore. Condensing months of storyline into simplicity since 1864. “It’s an invisible wall that separates our plane from the plane of all dead supernatural creatures. Now, Silas wants that to go away so he can take The Cure, die, and not have to spend an eternity in a supernatural purgatory.” Plainness Perfection! Brain like a steel trap, Liz inquired, um, when was this going down? Oh, not long, like, um, tomorrow night! Call out the deputies! Issue a BOLO! Put up an APB! Run for your lives!
PRIVATE ANIMAL SHELTER LEASH LAWS
READER POLL: Which scent is more pungent? Wet dog or Eau de Irked Katherine in an invisible child restraint? E-mail your responses to BonInCharge@lockwoodcellar.com. For being over 500, Kat sure didn’t catch on quick to the tot-tether attaching her to Bonnie. Invisileash meant where I go, yugo. What happens to Bon doesn’t stay in Vegas, it happens to Kat as well (and vice versa, just sayin). The Dealing Duo was next spotted at Slaughterhouse Hybrid, chargin up another Triangle Point. Oh, Bonnie! Beyonce called. She wants her hair fan back!
MYSTIC FALLS WEATHER CENTER
Now time for the weather, Tiffany? Customers blew into The Grill (literally) off of Bonnie’s unsettling storm front. Leading to Car inquiring if Bex was the new WPKW Weather Girl–she may be blonde, but not likely–the telejournalists at local WPKW tend to disappear unpleasantly (Logan? Andie? Hello?) Severe Elenastorm Warning in effect until full moon, capable of producing large hell and deadly dart to Kat’s face lightning. Move to a shelter immediately or let Bex seed the clouded mind with booze.
Keep out of the path of oncoming friendship, and avoid Caroline’s memory lane trip to the repulsive, blood-sucking, control-freak monster radar. No further apology warnings will be issued! If ya don’t feel bad, ya don’t feel anything. Did Elena’s last dart take out the lights, or were we experiencing power failure? (Editor’s note: WE’RE takin out that tacky Mystic Tribune newspaper box outside The Grill. Blame it on the weather!)
LIGHT ‘EM UP!
The Dealing Duo was next spotted (both by us and some meddling electric service worker) at the Young Farm, scene of the dozen died in vain. Bonnie’s
Thousand Three Points Of Light power outages lit up the final hot spot. Time To Drop The Veil!
Sheriff Liz is a visual sleuth. Do you need me to draw you a map? Why yes, we do! Mark out the power outages. The Young Farm, the Lockwood Estate and a blown transformer off of Old Miller Road. Stef’s turn with the Magic Marker! Join the
Thousand Three Points Of Light in an equilateral Expression Triangle! Bonnie must have been doing The Spell–so much for needing a full moon (brilliant *cough cough* deduction, Damon)! Liz had been told a power company guy spotted Bonnie leaving the Young Farm with ‘Elena’ an hour past. Um, Stefan knew Caroline was keeping a vamp eye on Elena. Deducing again, Damon decided on Doppelganger. The Dealing Duo MUST be somewhere in the center of the Expression Triangle. Oh my word. Guess where the epicenter was?
TRUANTS CRAM AT NIGHT SCHOOL
MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL, WHERE ELSE?! Damon and Stefan pulled up to MFHS in gale force winds to find Elena and Caroline already there, searching for Bonnie. Car was combing the inside, so Elena sent Stef to help her–she and Damon would hunt the grounds. Eager beaver again asked her question of the day, WHERE’S KATHERINE? We’re we sensing a trend here? Obsessed much? End-of-the-world crap going down and THAT’s what Elena was focused on? She didn’t care about finding Bonnie, WHERE’S KATHERINE? Get a clue, babe, they’re together!
Caroline had searched the entire school, telling Stef she’d found nary an asymmetrical hair. A noise from the cafeteria kitchen drew their attention. Well hell’s bells, it was just the freezer self-defrosting from the power outage, no Bonnie! Hmmm, ice melting into the recessed floor drain. Brilliant, Stefan! Right place, wrong elevation!
We sent a team of spelunkers deep beneath MFHS and found Bonnie and Katherine, right where the center of The Triangle should be! Rock, please?! How many times was Bonnie gonna ask for it? Kat FINALLY turned over the hunka blood rock, even though she was skeptical that calcified Qetsiyah blood would make Bon’s spell work.
GET BITCH OR DIE TRYING
Apparently the tunnels under Mystic Falls had an entrance off the school basement–Damon conspired with Stefan by phone. From topside, Stefan needed more specifics–thanks for the directions, Elena, the basement’s off the boiler room! Damon wasn‘t letting Elena come with. The important thing was stopping Bon from doing the spell, not controlling Elena’s murderous screwing around. Stef was right, behind all that Katherine hate was a tidal wave of feelings just itching to burst forth the minute Elena took Katherine out.
Okay, so Elena tried appealing to Damon’s Dark Desire side–what if killing Katherine let her refeel all the good things and she went back to ‘normal’ (define normal!)? Couple of seconds of head calculations…nah, Kat’s strong, crafty, and Elena’d die. Well crap. How ‘bout a nice Hawaiian punch with a stake then? At least she’d die trying!
Om. Om. Bon in Zen state made the Pet Rock Tombstone bleed. She was tuned in to the Expression Triangle channel. FLAME ON with the convenient torches! Thassit? The Veil was down? Was this a moonstone or what? How underwhelming was THAT?
SCHOOL LOCKER CONTRABAND PROVEN HANDY
NEWSFLASH! It worked! As new bellybutton Damon struggled to get the innie out, a tall, good lookin pair of boots offered him a hand. Holy bromance novel, it was freakin Alaric! Or WAS it? Damon thought it was Silas, was he kiddin his old drinkin buddy? WWSS (What Would Silas Say)–such a Silas remark. Leave it to a dead teacher to know where all the good stuff was hidden. Would Silas SERIOUSLY know the bootleg contraband secret password in locker 42?
Big goofy, adorable grins all around, drink up and bro-hug it out, Ric was REAL! Hold up! If Damon could see Ric and smack him a friendly upside the face, Little Witch had dropped The Veil. Took an insider Ric to set the record straight. Only INSIDE The Triangle. One toe across the border and poof, back to purgatory. Oh, and End of the World by overpopulation? Not every ghost had a reason to come back to Mystic Falls, or an idiot bestie to look after. Damon was more worried about the ones lookin after their enemies!
COZY CORNER OF MYSTIC GRILL GETS CROWDED
Still at The Grill, Matt was weirded out by the on-again, off-again hair fan. Bex busied herself setting the mood with candlelight. Did something wicked finally come in the form of Bex planning to tap dat? Bwahaaa! Matt was getting paid to be there, but Bex didn’t HAVE to stay. Fun? Storm outside, candlelight and “us” inside? Scheming blonde brain seeing a cozy opening?
Nope. The Something Wicked was actually clam jamming brother Kol. Set ‘em up quarterback barkeep, and pick your jaw up off da floor, Bex! Matt assumed Bonnie dropped veil, but Kol corrected it wasn‘t a completion and it wasn’t for long. Don’t look a gift opportunity for revenge in the mouth–Kol’s killer was dead, but he’d do culpable sister Elena. Where was she?
Threats like that ALWAYS rile Matty up, but who was a mere human to stand up to back-from-the-dead Original with a broken bottleneck in his hand? Kol always did seem envious of Matt’s gridiron prowess. How was Matty’s throwing arm after Kol launched the broken glass into his shoulder?
SILENCE IS GOLDEN, OR WOULD BE IF YOU’D SHADDUP!
Kat had Bonnie on the clock, and kept harshing her chi by flappin her fangs. ‘Jest shaddup already, I’m tryin to talk to Qetsiyah!’ Kat wanted Bon to unlink her to investigate the intruder she vamp-heard. Hey, a little slack in the leash, at least? Fine. Bon gave her a little lead, if she’d just BE QUIET! Kat stalked her stiletto boots after the noise, taunting out to who she expected was Silas. Aha! Near the opening to the school boiler room she got greeted not by Silas, but by Elena, with yet another stake stuffed somewhere in her skinny jeans. She got a big hello belly piercing, but SO DID BON IN THE OTHER ROOM!
Yup, slack but still linked. GIRLFIGHT! As Elena shoved Kat’s face into the boiling steam pipes, BONNIE’S face blistered. Not lookin good for the Little Witch that Could! Until Stefan and Car finally found her writhing on the dirt floor. Katherine–they‘re linked. Car stated the obvious, UNLINK THE BITCH!
Stef went to break up the Katfight, and Car stayed with Bonnie. Didn’t take long till he had Elena straddle-pinned on the floor just as she was about to go straight for Katherine’s heart. Thanks for the save, handsome? That was the best Kat could do? We’ll kill her for ya, Stef! Haha! (Editor’s note: Hats off to the costume department, with that subliminal ‘good guys wear the white hats’. Mucho easier to tell the doppelgangers apart in a power outage situation, with hair flying so you can’t see the cut OR the fading My Little Pony extensions. White leather, black leather? Genius!)
FIRST AID SAVES LIVES
Of all the lifesaving devices we’ve seen employed in Mystic Falls, removing glass shards with ice tongs has GOT to be a first! Lol Bex manually deglassified Matty’s shoulder, even though she could cure it right up in a jiffy if he’d let her. He wouldn’t let her help him so he could graduate human–peeps in The Falls have a bad habit of turning vamp.
He sent her for the First Aid kit in the back room instead. She found it quickly, but heard a creepy sound in the dark reaches of the blackened out room. Her flashlight fell on Caroline, sitting on the floor engaging in a little trance-like self-cutting. WTH?
MAN OF A THOUSAND FACES 2.0 (3.0, 4.0…)
For the next several paragraphs, we think you may need a cast list, so we don’t have to do the whole “Silas-As-*“ thingy. So here’s your characters, in order of appearance!
Sioline as Silas-As-Caroline
Silas as himself (or not)
Steflas as Silas-As-Stefan
Silaric as Silas-As-Alaric
Got it? Good. Just follow the bouncing ball and hang on to your marbles! Because we all knew that Sioline comforting Bonnie couldn’t be two places at once. Bonnie was okay since she unlinked Katherine, she was just hangin around waitin for Qetsiyah! Flipside Silas told her it could be a long wait, Qetsiyah was in Waco. As in We Ain’t Comin Out! Hold up, how did Bonnie ‘see’ Caroline if Silas couldn’t get in her head anymore? Oh, bwahaaa, the joke was on Bonnie, he could make her see anything, including a disfigured monsterface.
Steflas denied that rumor. Sioline nudged that Bon had no freakin idea who he/she was. Steflas added she didn’t know what he/she looked like, with Silas chiming in she didn’t know how deep he was brain buried in her head. Steflas scoffed she wasn’t more powerful than him/her, with Sioline recounting his/her strength in defeating The Hunter’s Curse in minutes. Think Sioline can be betrayed? He/She would always be a step ahead. We got whipSilashed! RIC! PASS THE BOTTLE, WE NEED A HIT! (Editor’s note: Don’t get too comfortable, there’s more Lon Chaney to come!)
PLANTING A FIST IN THE FACE OF GRIEF
How could Stefan have saved Katherine, of all people! Elena HAD her! Yeah, and she ‘had’ Bonnie, too. Stefan explained he’d seen Bonnie, the results of the link-up, and how Bonnie woulda died, too. Well a-course Elena didn’t believe him. Did Stef still have an itch for Katherine? Oh, puleez, Elena’s rage was makin her cra-cra. Killing Kat wouldn’t take away the pain of losing Jeremy, any more than the cinder block party had. They were distractions.
Stef gave her the quick and dirty version–she’s a vamp, and there ARE NO SHORTCUTS. Loss is part of the deal. He’d lost more loved ones than he could count in 163 years, and it hurt every time. She had to face her grief. He’d help. Oh, no he didn’t! That ticked Elena off. Simple Stefan, always trying to HELP! Do NOT patronize her with a crack about rage transference being progress! She could hate TWO people at once–and she hauled off and decked him!
FLEDGLING REPORTER PHONES IT IN
REAL Caroline was literally in the hands of Rebekah, frantically trying to snap her out of the Silas-bleed trance. Matt was simultaneously reporting the Bad News Donovan to Damon on the phone, confirming Car was NOT on Damon’s end, and that pissy Kol was back through The Veil with Elenalust on his mind. Watch your back (and your front, and your sides, and your…Damon and Ric had made it as far as the boiler room, Damon passing off the bat phone so Ric could call Stef, fill him in on Caroline, and tell him to keep an eyeball on Elena.
God knows he’d do a better job than Damon. Wait a sec. Ric had been dead a while, could he get the Reader’s Digest condensed version of whose girlfriend Elena was? She WAS sired to Damon, then emo flipped off, now full to the brim of Katherine rage. Amazing how best buds cut right to the heart of things. Ric knew instinctively Damon had no idea how Elena felt about him and he was freakin. Just call Stefan.
THE GRATEFUL SLAP HEARD ‘ROUND THE WORLD
After Matt had delivered all the bad news that wasn’t fit to print to Damon, he and Bex resumed dealing with tranced out Caroline still struggling to amputate her kitten claws at the wrist. Matty suggested Bex try to compel her, but no dice, she was on vervain. Female trick! Bex appealed to Caroline’s social maven status–Uncle Bob and Aunt Mary REALLY wanna see her graduate with both hands! She needed to keep cutting, she needed to keep cutting, she needed to keep cutting, STOP! BITCHSLAP! After a coupla deep breaths and some anxious moments, Caroline looked up. BITCH! Now THERE was the Caroline Rebekah knew and loathed! lol
OUT OF THIN AIR…
Sioline was still hounding Bonnie. Once Bonnie ‘finished’ The Spell and The Veil was dropped COMPLETELY, he/she would take The Cure (handily right there in his/her pocket). He/She just wanted to quietly ‘pass on‘–would even let Bonnie do the deed and he/she would be gone for good. Great plan, Imposter, then Bon would be stuck with every dead supe roaming the Earth. Her choice, them or Silas! Which was worse? Bon fessed up she was NEVER gonna drop The Veil. What WAS Bonster’s plan? Powwow with Qetsiyah to find out how to put Silas down? She ain’t coming, Qetsiyah wants Silas on The Other Side with her for all eternity. Damon‘s voice cut through the tension, calling out to Bonnie.
Well THAT voice sounded familiar to Silaric. Cute trick, shifting personas at will to fit the playas! Maybe Damon could convince Bonnie. She wouldn’t let him–LET him WHAT?! Feel the air thinning, with barely enough to breathe (that‘s a big fat YES, since she was already gasping on her knees)? Silaric grabbed up a discarded flashlight and took off down the tunnel in Damon’s direction. Uncontrollable panting from the peanut gallery! #FearAndAnxietyInMysticFalls!
BRING ME NO DEAD FLOWERS
Was that our Woodsy Owl reporter hooting in the trees near Jeremy’s grave? It certainly was Elena, kneeling and engaging in a little Damonesque headstone talking. She gave up. She wanted to kill Katherine for him, but Stefan was right, it was just a distraction. She couldn’t move on and didn’t want to. She fought back the tears, admitting if she was weak, well fine. She just couldn’t handle him being gone, or feeling like she was any more. As the tears fell, we heard footsteps in the dry grass. Jeremy? Nope, Old Friend Kol. One on one! Mano E Mano! Head to head! Toe to toe! Original to Newbie!
JUST DO IT!
Bonnie was still struggling for air and losing the battle. Until she heard Grams and there she was, assuring Bonnie it wasn’t real. Breathe, breathe, feel the air, but Bonnie was afraid the apparition was another Silas. Would Silas try to save her life? And there it was. The lungful of air, the reassuring smile, the grateful Gramhug. Bonnie had been SO worried about her! She’d been watching over Bonnie, and she could still stop Silas. Deny, deny, deny! Qetsiyah had been able to immobilize him, stop him from feeding and getting in peeps heads, but Bon was clueless how to do that! Gram asserted Bonnie CAN put Silas down. Expression is the manifestation of her will. Bonnie could do anything. Grams may not like it, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Bon WAS strong enough–SHE CAN DO THIS!
ONLY HIS HAIRDRESSER KNOWS FOR SURE
Damon and Ric (um, Silaric?) ran into each other in the tunnels. Ric (?) had called Stef, and he was ‘headed’ for Elena. Did Damon find Silas? Yep. Sure did! Take THAT, Mother Tucker, as Damon decked him and wrapped his neck in a handy log chain. Damon had spent WAY more time in those tunnels than Ric, and there was no way he‘d come from the school. Mindgames foiled–bwahaaa! Once Damon had him strangling, Bonnie came in.
She may not be able to kill him, but she could STOP him! Beware the upside down claw! When Beyonce’s hair fan kicks in, it‘s all over but the blood clotting and the total body rock out! Damon no longer had to hold him down once it started. Silaric began graying and drying out, attempting to stagger away on joints that would no longer cooperate. What the hell was happening? He couldn’t hide behind his mind games any more, and was becoming his True Self. Damon wondered who exactly his True Self might be? Guess they’ll never know–he was Stone Cold Silas now!
Kol had busied himself gleefully drop-kicking Elena back and forth across the cemetery. Geez, he’d missed that! He’d been lonely on The Other Side, and driven mad being invisible. Elena hadn’t been able to SEE him standing in front of her, or feel his breath as he’d whispered all the ways he wanted her to suffer in her ear. He jerked her bloodied bod up by the throat, and she managed to squeak out he‘d be doing her a favor if he killed her. Damn, girl really HAD given up!
He was more than happy to oblige, except for having to drop her to catch the stake JEREMY FIRED AT HIM! SOUND THE TRUMPETS, JER-BEAR CAME HOME! How MANY times did Jer have to kill Kol? Kill him once, shame on you, kill him twice, shame on NECKSNAP! Haha! Stefan caught that swaggering hunka braggart from behind!
Jeremy ran to Elena’s side, intently staring into her disbelieving, disheveled face. Their hands touched. OMG! He was REAL! Jer-Bear Hug! She had no words, only tears!
TIME AIN’T ON YOUR SIDE
How did Bonnie get there? *head scratch* Guess she arrived in the Camaro with the Salvabros. She was back large and in charge, they needed to get rid of Stone Cold Silas’ bod. Medusa had a slight problem, though. Damon pointed out she may have stoned him, but one drop of blood and he’d be back with a vengeance. Stefan figured they should pull the old Spongebob KlausPants on him, and drop him in the bottom of the ocean (like that worked out so well when they tried it on Klaus-in-a-box). Humanity restored (for all intents and purposes), Elena walked up on the group, not knowing what to say to her old friend that she’d been so horrible to. Bonnie forgave her, since she was quite familiar with not being ‘herself’.
They could talk later, Bon was jonesin for some Jeremy. He thanked her, and she told them she’d give them as much time as she could, but had to go re-hang The Veil. Quick and heartfelt embrace later, off she went. Stef needed to stow Kol’s healing, undead corpse somewhere safe till The Veil was back, but Elena stopped him.
Uh-oh. Was that an extended Stelena look they exchanged? Welcome back. And off HE went. Elena didn’t have enough TIME–Damon quietly consoled her there would never be enough time. The most important thing for her right then was Jeremy…and saying goodbye. The goodbye they never got the first time. Could somebody pass us a tissue, please?
WANTED, DEAD OR ALIVE
Guess Stefan got Kol safely tucked away, because he showed up back at the empty Grill. Well, not exactly empty. Caroline was back to her old self, pouring drinks to celebrate! He wasn’t really in a celebratory mood–what was eating him? Silas was dead, or whatever! Ah, well, Stef had kinda been expecting to see someone after The Veil dropped and was a touch disappointed. “You better mean me.“ LEXI! AWESOME! Lexi thanked Caroline most graciously for keeping watch over her former ‘charge’. Smiles all around!
WHAT’S THE TONNAGE CAPACITY OF A ‘69 CAMARO?
Damon enlisted Ric’s help in dumping Silas into his trunk. Those are some heavy-duty shocks on that puppy! How much does a stone cold rockman weigh? Pull out the pocket flask, Ric couldn’t think of a better way to spend his last moments as a semi-living person. Damon snarked he thought Ric was cuttin back? Yeah, well, Ric thought Damon was takin care of the children. Bwahaaa! Remember his tombstone confession he was stuck in Mystic Falls, fighting with his brother and taking care of the kids? Ric HEARD that? Well that’s not creepy.
By the by, Ric found a box in the dead guy’s pocket. Thought it might be of more use there than with The Titanic. What in hell was Damon supposed to do with the Red Bull Bottle?! Ric’s reply? Get the girl.
Lexi and Stefan took a walk down Main Street. She’d been back five minutes and was laughing uproariously at him not takin the hint when Elena punched him in the kisser. She’s been laughing at him for a while, he just hadn’t been able see it. Stefan would give anything for Lexi to know how much he’d missed her–she knew. Except, um, she’d been replaced? By another blonde? Lexi pronounced Caroline ‘cute’–do NOT start! lol Eyeroll.
I GOT THE MAGIC IN ME
Bonnie was back underground, setting out more White Barn Candles. Grams appeared, reminding her she had to put up The Veil. Not yet, um, huh? Bonnie thought she could poke a Jer-sized hole in The Veil and keep him with them. No, she CAN‘T! That was always Bonnie’s plan, Elena needed Jeremy, and he wasn’t supposed to die! Grams scolded her it was the will of Nature, and there was no magic strong enough to challenge it. Bonnie’s got EVERY magic!
Watch me light these candles with my badassery! She had The Spirits (oh, my, it’s the Thesmatos chant!), she had Expression, she had…Darkness. And a SUPER bad case of black varicose body veins! Stop, Bonnie! The chanting resumed and all the candles flamed up big time! With a giant gasp the veins subsided, but so did Bonnie! Kerplunk! Right to the floor!
KOTTER CONNOR (AND FRIENDS)
Matt finally locked up The Grill for the night, with Bex in tow. He thanked her for pullin Car out of the trance earlier, in case Caroline had forgotten to. Who’s that walkin across the square? OMG, Matt wanted to know who the hell it was, too. Squeee! It’s Bex’ hottie ex from The Five, Alexhander. Annnnd Mystic Falls Power and Light finally clicked everything back on. Thank God. Maybe that meant The Veil was back up and they’d all disappear again.
OR NOT! Matt swallowed big time when Alexhander didn’t disappear, he headed straight for them. Bex wanted outa there–OOPSIE! Was this HunterCon, and nobody told us? Hi Connor, Vaughn. Too bad Human Matt and VAMPIRE Rebekah couldn’t leave the center of THAT con!
THERE’S NOTHING TO SAY BUT O.M.G.
Bonnie awoke on the stone floor and cautiously arose, listening to the sounds of cave drip and burning candle flames. Eek! A hand on her shoulder…it was only Grams. She was sorry, the spell was just too much. Huh? Grams stepped aside to reveal Bonnie’s own cold, dead corpse still on the floor. OMG. I’m dead. Dun, dun, dun!
WOOBIE WORD OF THE WEEK
He tickled our fancy with his donuts and bedside manner, but The Woobie reeeeaaallllyyy pickled our Pilates with the Woobie Word of the Week ………….GHOSTPALOOZA!
READERS MAY ALL FREAK OUT NOW, AS NEXT TIME IS THE LAST EDITION OF THE MYSTIC FALLS MESSENGER THIS SEASON! Oh, and the finale of TVD as well! Bwahaaa!
MAK turned her obsessive habit of TVD tweeting and commenting on other people’s recaps into The Mystic Falls Messenger. She loves the stuffins out of all things vampire, especially The Vampire Diaries. Follow her shameless tweets @mak75231 so she doesn’t feel ignored!