Mystic Falls Messenger
Last edition was clones, this week it’s Royalty! Come visit the Big Easy, where voodoo abounds and a Vamp is King!
Editor’s note: We’re naming a street in the Old French Quarter in honor of our favorite screencapper! Stroll along Rue Ruthie and enjoy all the great shots!
NEW WOES FOR PAIR WHO ABDUCTED TEEN
Stately Salvatore Manor: The vampnapping and incarceration of one Mean Girl Elena Gilbert weighed heavily on the sexy Salvatore Brothers, both experienced former prisoners in the dusty Salvatore holding cell. She was way too calm about the enforced starvation diet, not giving in to desperately begging for blood (she could have at least demanded some moisturizer and lip gloss, though).
Waiting out the hungries to torture some emo back into her, Stefan and Damon were greeted with a NEW intruder. The one and only (sort of) Katherine. She’d returned to Mystic Falls since arch nemesis Klaus was now gone. BOMBSHELL: That weregirl Hayley was just the ticket for a Klaus-free spot remover. Our readers know from last week’s edition that ‘Hericane Kat
erina’ had sent Klaus riding on the city of New Orleans. That Katherine never gives up too much info!
Our coverage took us past the Superdome and hi-rise skyscrapers straight to the Big Easy’s colonial era heart. The French Quarter, complete with the Saint Louis Cathedral, Jackson Square, and right on to illustrious Bourbon Street. This is where we caught up with birth marked Hayley, day drinking her problems away to a lady bartender MORE than willing to listen. This quaint soul-food establishment was manned by barkeep Jane-Anne and her secret gumbo recipe sister, Sophie.
As in Devereaux (uh-oh). Hayley had struck up an acquaintance with Jane-Anne, volunteering that nobody around The Quarter remembered her family at all. Jane-Anne confided that peeps like Hayley were run outa there years ago. People ‘like her’?
As Sophie side-eyed the pair from the kitchen, Jane-Anne helpfully *cough cough* provided Hayley with a map and directions. In the bayou, werewolves were called rougarou. Hayley would find what she was looking for out there in the deadly bayou. Unquestioningly, Hayley took the map and left, but how and why did Jane-Anne snatch a few Hayley hairs? What were she and Sister Sophie gonna cook up, some Polyjuice Potion?
TWO SHADES OF MARIE LAVEAU
It didn’t take long to find out the witches were up to something. They made secret preparations in Lafayette Cemetery while Hayley took a long drive, lasting into the dark. Scared Sister Sophie was unsure, but Jane-Anne knew Sophie’s ‘intuition’ was never wrong, and they were the only ones that could do what needed to be done about Klaus. Hayley was the key. Curious? Seemed as though the witch community in N’awlins was torn–half didn’t believe Sister Sophie and the other half was too afraid. Um, believe what? Jane-Ann began ceremonial preparations and sent Sister Sophie on her mission.
Jane-Anne kept up her witchy ju-ju into the night, setting up a candle altar, drawing occult symbols on the ground until Hayley reached her creepy destination in the bayou. A quick consultation of the map–POOF, up in flames! More ju-ju with a smoking chalice had steam billowing out from under Hayley’s Mustang Sally. She shoulda had a Hummer, Jane-Anne certainly was one! The surprising cell phone signal call for a tow got Hayley a new ear piercing, and a bunch of dark, creepster visitors.
Just as Jane-Anne blew out a ceremonial candle, Hayley dropped in the leaves, caught by none other than Sister Sophie and her band of whatevers! We thought one super-charged witch was bad enough, buy that’s some freakin cult-sized coven they’ve got there!
GAPING OMISSIONS ON THE DARK SIDE OF N’AWLINS TOUR
Klaus arrived in The French Quarter to play with the dead, whilst in Mystic Falls, Elijah filled Rebekah in on the rumored witch conspiracy. Bex gleefully hoped they’d found a way to make traitorous Klaus rot. Dapper Elijah (do you think we’ll ever see him in anything but a well-tailored suit?) extolled the virtues of the family Bex no longer sincerely acknowledged. Strange, considering he’d decided to check out the witch plot against Klaus and either stop them or help them. Hmmm.
Don’t miss the fortune tellers alongside Jackson Square–particularly the one Klaus picked out–clearly a true witch who recognized a hybrid when she saw one! He wanted info on Jane-Anne Devereaux, but this Lady Marmalade wouldn’t talk. THE Vampire Marcel had rules she wouldn’t break. Glimmer of recognition in Klaus’ eye?
HOW YA LIKE ME NOW?
Be sure to catch the floor show at (Coyote Hungry? Un-Preservation Hall?) Marcel’s, where the Head Man himself flashes his pearly whites and gyrates for the adoring crowd. We couldn’t help but wonder if “Now Being Served” was the name of the place or a tourist public service announcement! There’s just something about a tall, dark, handsome frenemy with an impeccably groomed Van Dyke. He and Klaus hadn‘t faced off since some ugly business when Mikael ran Klaus out of New Orleans a hundred years ago.
The testosterone level rose between the two, with a whole lotta cronies on Marcel’s six, until Marcel broke up the nose-to-nose confrontation with a giant, back-slapping hug. Good ole Niklaus Mikaelson, his mentor, his savior, his sire. The pair sat for a jovial drink–closely observed (um, guarded) by a group of Marcel‘s daywalkers. Marcel had shared Klaus’ secret of the daywalker rings with his Inner Circle and had the N’Awlins witches in his back pocket. Mysterious? As soon as Klaus inquired about Jane-Anne, Marcel and entourage exchanged sinister looks and announced, SHOWTIME!
MELODRAMA ON THE CORNER OF ROYAL AND ST. ANN
An unspoken Call of the Wild went out, marshalling a huge crowd of daywalkers AND nightwalkers out in the darkened streets (and on the balconies, the roofs, yadayadayada). If your blood relations let ya down you make your own! Marcel enjoyed showing off his ‘kingdom’–what’s mine is yours, indeed! With a stout vine pulled from a low hanging branch and a wolf whistle, Marcel’s cronies hauled a trussed up Jane-Anne into their midst.
It’s showtime, folks! Jane-Anne Devereaux was accused of the practice of witchcraft beyond the bounds of ‘Marcel’s Rules’. Dude was cocky! He toyed with her denial, knew she was lying, and hated Marcel’s secret witch-spying tricks. It got intense when he peeled back the leaves of the vine, offering leniency in exchange for what Jane-Anne was cooking up.
Talk about your unmerciful punishment, that was SOME whiplash he wrapped around her ‘rot in hell’ throat! The crowd was highly entertained, but Klaus seemed a tad taken aback. Ya think?
Marcel had just bloody necktied to death Klaus’ only lead and he was pissed. Marcel condescendingly confided he’d been caught up in his own rule-breaking showmanship. He had to make Jane-Anne an example to keep the witches in check with a show of force. Marcel promised he could find out whatever Jane-Anne knew. We didn’t believe for a second that Klaus was buying all this good ole boy crap. The bloodletting had piqued Marcel’s appetite, and as the crowd made it’s way back inside, Klaus snagged one of Marcel’s inner entourage to inquire if there were any MORE Devereaux witches?
BENNIE AND THE PETS
Sister Sophie‘s mission apparently complete, Klaus found her back at the witch bar and grill chopping carrots for grief gumbo. She sensed and recognized him immediately. Of course he wanted to know what Jane-Anne wanted and why Marcel killed her. Sister Sophie wasn’t talkin around Marcel’s watchvamps that had snuck in the bar or she‘d be next. Klaus may have built the town, but it belonged to Marcel now.
What a pain in the fangs! Klaus accosted the two guide-dogs Marcel had sent along, kindnotkindly suggesting they get lost or receive personal spinectomies! To keep them occupied and not cause (too much of) a scene, Klaus tipped the blonde barmaid a Benjamin for her oldest scotch.
THE LAST OF THE RED-HOT ENTRANCES
The watchvamps didn’t stay occupied long, as they bracketed Sophie in the back alley at her candle shrine for her dead sister. Who invited them to ’drop’ in? Marcel wanted info on why The Hybrid was looking for Jane-Anne.
They were about to apply some muscle to wipe the snark outa Sophie’s mouth when one of them got snatched up into the black sky. Oops! It’s raining hearts! The crony stooped to investigate, only to find an Armani blur with a stake!
Guess he made a better wall clock than a watchvamp! Elijah straightened his lapels, but needed no introduction to quaking Sister Sophie. Just what business did her family have with his brother?
SECRETS TO SUCCESSFUL PUB CRAWLS
Klaus went bar hopping through the neck drinking section of town until he came across one of Marcel‘s ‘Inner Circle‘ daywalkers. Cutie patootie named Diego, who only “answers to Marcel”. Maybe babycakes wasn‘t aware a were bite would kill a vampire? Klaus would be only too happy to demonstrate. Where the EFF was Marcel?! Good timing, dude. Calmed down Klaus’ black veiny eyes and elongating fangs just in the Nik *wink* of time. Nobody lays hands on Marcel’s guys, another Marcel Rule (what is this dude with the Rules, Gibbs?).
Marcel allayed Klaus’ show of force with a rooftop ‘overview’ of what he’d been doing to New Orleans. Skyline full of hotels over the crowded streets, bringing in more tasty tourists. Marcel had somehow taught the humans to look the other way (hmmm). Klaus wanted to know how the formidable witches of his era were now cowering in fear. Marcel kept an astute eye on his secret weapon, implying he had complete control over all the magic in town. Or not. Marcel demonstrated his casual vervain dipping technique, limiting the things (like Klaus?) he’s vulnerable to. He’d only told his guys to look out for Klaus, no big.
Down the street below strode a blonde conversation diversion. The C-Note barmaid who was either brave or dumb dessert for Marcel. He hopped lithely down to confront who we discovered was a karate black belt, leaving Klaus alone on the rooftop. Well, not entirely. Elijah was both an unwelcome surprise and got an entirely unsurprising welcome. Niklaus was uninterested until Elijah announced he’d uncovered the conspiracy.
FAST, ACCURATE, DEPENDABLE RESULTS?
Niklaus grudgingly followed Elijah into Lafayette Cemetery to a darkened crypt. Elijah had delivered him right to Sophie to proceed with her ‘case‘. She pumped Klaus’ ego with the fabled witch bedtime stories of the Great and Powerful Vampire Klaus, and how he’d taken orphaned street brat Marcel and made him what he was today–out of control.
Sophie’d had enough and was gonna stop him, and Klaus was gonna help. Klaus didn’t want to hear anymore, it was madness for Elijah to waste his time like this. Until Hayley walked in with a group of Sophie‘s minions, advising him to listen. Bwahaaa! Some liquor-fueled one-night stand carried any weight with the Mighty One?! Pre-frickin-posterous! Sophie continued her explanation. Marcel may be able to keep Nature’s balance keepers in check, but they still could sense when good old Mother Nature threw a curve ball. Like oh, say, Sophie’s intuition gift for sensing when a girl’s knocked up.
All that elaborate spell casting and Hayley stalking was the ClearBig Easy Witch’s Home Pregnancy Test–which Hayley passed with flying colors! Always poetic Elijah pronounced, “Niklaus. The girl is carrying your child.“ What a well placed commercial break! We mulled over how impossible that was without bending mythology, again.
MOTHER NATURE’S MIRACLE
No, vampires can’t procreate, but werewolves can. Magic made Klaus a vampire but he was born a werewolf. As The Original Hybrid he was the first of his kind. Who knew a weregirl could get pregnant through a loophole instead of a more conventional method? Bwahaaa! That Mother Nature, what a kidder! Thank you, Sophie for making our quote from episode 4.16 come true, “Let the puppy making begin!“
As any accused baby daddy would react, Klaus immediately raged that Hayley had swapped fluids with somebody else. Hayley was never one to be timid, and she’d spent days as a captive in a friggin alligator bayou because this witchy coven believed she’s carrying the eighth wonder baby of the world. She woulda fessed up if it wasn’t his spawn, and Jane-Anne died performing the spell to prove it. Because of Jane-Anne’s sacrifice, Hayley and fetus were now controlled by the witches. Elijah and Hayley watched anxiously as Sophie threatened Klaus would help them take down Marcel or Hayley would be nothing but a memory. Wait! Elijah would kill Marcel himself if that was what they wanted. SMH!
No, the witches had a plan and RULES to follow. What’s up with all the RULES in this town? Klaus had enough as well–how dare they command and threaten him! He would not stand for any more lies! Elijah was not about to let him leave, “Niklaus! Listen.” Lo and behold, when Klaus tuned in his super Origibrid hearing behind Hayley’s hand protected tummy–thump-thump, thump-thump, the pitter patter of tiny heartbeats! Single, litter, wolf, vampire, hybrid, what? Pregnant pause (sorry ’bout that) for a lot of looks to be exchanged. Kill her AND the baby, what did Klaus care?!
HIT FALLS FROM THE TOP OF THE CHARTS
Like many an accused baby daddy, Klaus hustled butt as far away from that mess as fast as he could. Elijah caught up with him streetside, crooning his infamous hit, ‘Always and Forever‘, topping the charts since circa 1000. This was not a trick, it was a gift, a chance for The Family to start over. Through all their trials, all they’d ever wanted was a family, and Family Is Power, to one who so jealously desires power. Elijah appealed to every inkling Klaus might have to go along with this.
If he slaughtered the witches and baby mamma, he’d go back to Mystic Falls and resume undead life as The Evil Hybrid? Elijah pulled out all the stops, imploring Klaus, as his brother, to stay, save the girl, save her child, save his puppies, and build a home. We thought he was won over when Klaus planted a brotherly clamp around the back of Elijah’s neck. “NO.”
KEEP THE HOME FIRES BURNING
Elijah reported in via phone to Rebekah back at home. Bex thought even if the child WAS Nik‘s, it was better off without him. Dear, kind Elijah felt otherwise, still searching for Klaus’ redemption, and would until he believed there was none left to be found. Eternal, immortal optimist. What an opportune moment for Katherine to pop up eavesdropping in yet another unwelcoming Mystic Falls MacMansion.
Dishing her expert advice in brotherly dynamics, Kat was sure Elijah would keep at it until he’d convinced his brother. Klaus and Katherine were the same. They manipulate, thirst for power, control, punish–driven by the same deep force. They’re both alone and they hate it. Kat left Bex as her answering service, instructing her to have Elijah to call when he came home.
EXERCISE A LITTLE POWER
Klaus headed straight for Marcel’s joint with a burr under his saddle. He wanted answers as to what Marcel’s ‘thing’ with the witches was. Hey, Marcel owed Klaus everything, but he drew the line at this secret–it was HIS business in HIS town. Oh, no he didn’t! Klaus was about to ‘exercise’ his mastery of Marcel’s domain. Their word vomit at each other drew a small crowd of Marcel’s Inner Circle. Marcel, having bravado backup, accused Klaus of petty jealousy. 300 years ago Klaus helped build a backwater penal colony into something, but he ran away. MARCEL was the one that finished the job, had the locals under his thumb, got rid of the werewolves, and even shut down the witches.
Klaus was welcome to visit, what’s Marcel’s was Klaus’, but remember it’s mine, Mine, MINE! His home, his family, HIS RULES. Somebody breaks the rules, they die. Mercy is for the weak. Marcel wasn’t the Prince of the Quarter, he was THE KING! Oh, he did NOT just go there with the demanding respect!
With a slow sneer, Klaus selected a victim, one of Marcel’s Inner Circle. CHOMP! Klaus casually let them know the vic would be dead by the weekend, and he’d broken one of Marcel’s Rules. Guess what. He can’t be killed, he’s friggin IMMORTAL! Who had the power now, friend?
MR. $100 GUY
Klaus blew off steam wandering through the street musicians, tourists, and sidewalk artisans showing their wares, stopping before an intent fellow artiste working on a strangely contemporary giant portrait. Also catching his eye was brave black-belt blonde barmaid (apparently NOT Marcel‘s dessert), studying the same portrait in the making.
She recognized Mr. $100 Guy, striking up a slightly flirty conversation. She bore the French Grandma-name ‘Camille’ on her nametag (um, as if ‘Marcel’ wasn’t quaint enough), but preferred to be called Cami. She wasn’t a painter, but she DID admire–every artist has a story. *HA!* How prophetic was the artist’s backstory the overzealous psych major made up and imparted to Klaus.
“He’s angry, dark, he doesn’t feel safe and doesn’t know what to do about it. He wishes he could control his demons instead of having his demons control him. He’s lost. Alone.” (Sound familiar? Back to the flirting.) Or maybe just too much to drink! Klaus intimately shared she was probably right, but as she turned back to flirt some more, Klaus was nowhere to be found. Hmmm. We’re thinking with their near-immediate connection, a name, and more than two lines, we may see Cami again!
ALL HAIL THE KING
Klaus parked it for a time on an isolated tourist bench somewhere close, seriously contemplating life’s problems. When serious contemplation is involved, is Elijah ever far behind his brother? Elijah didn’t have another pep talk on the joys of fatherhood, he’d said it all. After a quiet beat, Klaus waxed sentimental about how much he’d liked New Orleans and hated leaving. Elijah hadn’t forgotten–it was one of the few places their family had been truly happy. Come on, Klausie-poo, tell Big Brother all your troubles! Was that a park bench or a shrink’s couch? For a thousand years Klaus lived in fear of Mikael chasing him off every time he tried to settle down. He’d felt powerless, and he hated it. New Orleans had been home once, but Marcel got it all. Power. Loyalty. Family. Klaus made Marcel the better man, and Klaus coveted what he had. He wanted to be The King. At that astounding confession, Elijah asked what of Hayley and the baby? Pick your jaws up off the floor, Klaus pronounced every King needs and heir. CALL THE TAILOR FOR A BEJEWELED, BELL-BOTTOMED JUMPSUIT AND CAPLET! Klaus probably has one in trunk storage somewhere back at Fortress Klaus *wink*.
In the morning sun, Sophie advised Elijah that Klaus should cement his place in Marcel‘s world by infiltrating the Inner Circle daywalkers. Hit Marcel in the family jewels, where it hurts. Let the conniving begin! Klaus made his way to the bedside vigil for the poor unfortunate vampire he’d poisoned with his bite. Truce!
After a good night’s sleep (ha!), Klaus conceded his own family had failed the town where Marcel had succeeded. So out of the generosity and goodwill of his own heart (and hand), Klaus’ jigger of blood would heal the dying vampire. Diego administered the remedy, as Klaus admitted The Quarter was Marcel’s home, but he’d like to stay awhile if the welcome mat was still out? Grinning Marcel bought it.
HOW TO PHRASE THE PERFECT VOICEMAIL
Out on the picturesque boulevard with a little street parade music in the background, Klaus dialed up Caroline’s voicemail. (How convenient she didn’t answer–don’t they always answer when you have the PERFECT voicemail message composed and blow your cover?) He just wanted her to know he was standing in one of his fave spots in the World, surrounded by food, music, art, and culture, and he was DYING to share it with her. Maybe someday. Cheeky devil.
EAVESDROPPER GETS DROPPED
Speaking of back in Mystic Falls, Elijah was already there, encouraging Bex to pack up and reunite the family. No way, what about The Cure–she wanted children and a family (and maybe a decent high school prom thrown in for good measure). Elijah offered both (without the fool’s folly of a Cure or a decent prom). If she didn’t go, would she just get boxed up again? Her family needed her, the choice was her own. After not too much contemplation, Bex wished Klaus no joy, ever, and would be staying in Mystic Falls. Pffft!
Elijah appeared to be ready to call after her, when once-again eavesdropping Katherine dumped in her two cents worth–she’s right. Klaus was stark raving mad, here was their chance to run off together. They’d both lost so much of their lives to Klaus, PLEASE? Tender pause. Hand embedded gently in her hair. Soft lips grazing her forehead. Goodbye. What WHAT?!
LET THE GAMES BEGIN
We end where we began this edition, in the Salvatore desiccating dungeon of despair. No longer strong enough to escape, Damon casually walked in to check on hungry Elena. She thought he didn’t care if she was starving, but that made his point. He DOES ‘care’, she doesn’t. Would his little offering of a bloodbag make her change her mind? WHAT THE ACTUAL FRACK? SPIKED?! Did that vervain make her feel hurt because Damon would betray her? Angry because he’d cause her pain? Or scared, since it was gonna get a lot worse? Smug bastard. She’d show him, and tried to make the door. Whoopsie! Blocked by Stefan. Resolute, if The Boys wanted to play games, she was up for it. They’d see who broke first, her…or them. Stefan ominously closed the door behind him, shutting the three of them in. Call the crew! We think we need to paint the dungeon red and move in a Chesterfield couch, STAT!
WOOBIE WORD OF THE WEEK
Some mighty slim pickins this week, since our staff spent most of the time on a field trip! But who wouldn’t crumble into a wet, mushy puddle if you heard the Woobie Phrase of the Week…………… I WOULDA WEPT AT YOUR FEET!
MAK turned her obsessive habit of TVD tweeting and commenting on other people’s recaps into The Mystic Falls Messenger. She loves the stuffins out of all things vampire, especially The Vampire Diaries. Follow her shameless tweets @mak75231 so she doesn’t feel ignored!