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Mystic Falls Messenger: TVD Recap Episode 4.16 “Bring It On”

Mystic Falls Messenger

GIMME AN OUCH!  GIMME AN AMBULANCE!  “L-O-L!  O-M-G!  You’re looking at Mystic Falls’ Var-sity!  B-e-a-t, beat those cats.  B-E-A-T, Beat those Cats.  B-E-A-T, BEAT THOSE KATS”!  Yeah.  (Watch that last step, it’s a killer!)

Editor’s note:  Ruthie took a well-deserved sabbatical to the TVD Mecca, the Atlanta TVD Convention!  Hope you enjoy the mess we made without her!  Huge shoutout to @rainbowdragon12, without whose large screen, hi-def, closed captioning we might sometimes pull our hair out!

IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY

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The Brothers Salvatore began another evening at Stately Salvatore Manor, drinking and debating Elena’s wiring yet again.  We’ve run ads for a good town electrician since Stefan went Rippah last year!  Damon took the ‘Perks of Being A Vampflower’ side, while Stefan contended Elena needed a reason for a ‘Humanity ON’ flip.  Too much too soon, she’d freak.  The controversial decision?  Show her a good time–girls just wanna have fun!  Skeptical Stefan reluctantly agreed to give it a shot.  Meanwhile, we spied Elena doing the zombie walk down a dark, lonely road.  Eventually, she sprawled across the road kill strip like trippin on two bad hits of vampire Prozac.  Pullin a Damon!  Headlights appeared in the distance.  Ms. Commuter-lookin Chick stopped in a panic, ‘OMG!  Where does it hurt?‘  The motionless figure didn’t feel anything *wink wink*.  Twenty-eight reasons NOT to carry a safety blanket in your trunk–TEETH!

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Good thing Damon went out looking for trouble, since he reined in Elena’s DRANO imitation.  Child, meet sire.  ENUF!  I said that’s ENUF!  We agreed no killing, honey.  Put the nice lady down, wipe your mouth, and show a little restraint.  But, Daddy, I’M FREAKIN HUNGRY on this vervain-laced diet!  Well huff!  Elena thought being undead was supposed to be fun.  It’s just like an offspring to stalk off and leave Daddy Dearest to clean up the mess!  (FREE LUNCH!)

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ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

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REVIVAL OF ‘NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY’ OPENS OUT OF TOWN TO MIXED REVIEWS:  Speaking of Free Lunch, try Jake’s Diner–breakfast, lunch and dinner, 24 hours a day.  Which one are you?  Our travel correspondent caught up with Weregirl Hayley at a sleazy truckstop, unsuccessfully trying to avoid a Kat-lackey stalker.  Why would anybody in their right mind walk between two parked semis with a vampire on their tail?  Mystery Meat had her by the throat when BOOM!  Klaus to the rescue (did we SAY that?  lol)!  After Klaus turned the Eat-er into the Eat-ee, we discovered Hayley had phoned a well-placed urgent SOS to The Original.  Stop Drop N Roll dude sped off into the night, but don’t you fret, kiddies!  He’d never make it through another night (werewolf bite+vampire=the BAD indigestion).  Hayley was concerned Mystery Meat had a posse, since she was STOOPID enough to play Let’s Make A Deal with Katerina Petrova.  You been USED, honey!  Hayley had become just another loose end for Kat to dispose of.  Well of COURSE Klaus could provide protection service–in exchange for everything Hayley knows (got a thimble?) about Kat.

PLUMBING PROBLEMS PLAGUE PUBIC PUBLIC

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Cleanliness is next to tawdriness!  Damon’s shower got a workout courtesy of Elena–don‘t hide your eyes, you ain‘t seen nuttin yet!  Damon and Stefan entered the bedroom, discussing Plan B, since the fun route didn‘t pay off (except for the FREE MEAL).  Take her back to school?  Stef didn’t exactly wanna play school chaperone, but he’s at least a student, and Damon should be lookin for Katherine.  Elena needed that damn Cure like yesterday!  Bathrobed Caroline joined in the Bedroom Bonding–The Bros’ fancy water filter made for the only vervain-free shower in town (thanks to Mayor Rudy-Tooty Fresh N Fruity’s water supply lacing).  Damon had soooo many people to kill.  Back-to-school hopping was a SWELL idea to Car, oh, and Sheriff Mom said things were about to get worse and Liz needed help.  Okay, places everyone!  1) Damon would go after psychotic doppelganger, 2) Stef would go talk to the Sheriff, 3) Blondie would take Elena to school.  Oh, and 4) Naked Elena–sounded like fun.  Nothing they haven’t seen before (embarrassed Caroline included).  GIANT AWKWARD EYEROLLS ALL AROUND!

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She had nothing (nobody?) ‘better’ to do than go back to school.  With a throat clear and a head nod from Stef (um, use the bond, dude), Damon launched into ’make me happy as your sire’ instructions to go to school, study hard, and DON’T EAT ANYONE!  Message received?

MFHS HOSTS CHEERLEADING INVITATIONAL

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The annual Cheerleading Invitational competition was held at the MFHS Gym this week, with a surprise contestant.  Under a “WELCOME CHEERLEADERS!“ banner, Caroline (who was SUPPOSED to be watching Elena) recorded Tyler voicemail #487.  “We’re sorry, this voice mailbox is FULL.  This means YOU, Caroline Forbes.“  Car thought the incessant message stream would make it like he’d never been gone when Tyler gets back.  *sigh*  Her charge, Elena, was busily scanning the bulletin boards for mischief to get into:

Memorial Friday at lunch in the Quad.  Please join your fellow students in sharing memories and giving condolences to the Gilbert Family.

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There’s REALLY a Seismology Club at MFHS?  Do they feel the Earth move?  Anywho, Jeremy’s picture flyer got wadded up, but the “Mystic Falls Cheerleading Invitational.  Mystic Falls Gymnasium, 4 p.m. today,” caught Elena’s attention!  Matt walked up to make the obligatory “Where’s Waldo Bonnie?“ inquiry–a little drained from ‘everything, or Shacked up with Shilas?  Enquiring minds want to know!  Flyer in hand, Elena barged in to the convo, practically demanding Cheer Captain Caroline put her back on the squad, um, TODAY!  Tossing peeps around sounded like fun now.  Car thought that would make Damon really happy!

MIKAELSON MAKES THE SHORT LIST

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Happy he was, Detective Damon (does that make him a “dick”?  Bwahaaa!) showed up at Fortress Klaus with a list of “Things You Suck At.”  1)  Finding Katherine–EVER, 2)  Covering up secret backstabber bitch Hayley phone convos (super-secret hacking and apparently the paper list to prove it).  Damon wanted Klaus to reveal Hayley’s 4-1-1, and her dish on Katherine.  After the Salvatore ‘lot’ killed Kol and stuck him in the Invisibox!  Outrageous!  Hey, priorities, Origidude!  Kat has The Cure and probs wants to shove it down Klaus’ gullet.  Help Damon find Katherine and the Cure, Elena gets it, WINNING!  Too bad, so sad, Hayley’s off-limits.  But (there’s always a butt)!  There just might be a stray vamp running around who’d know where Katherine is…better hurry, Damon, that Mystery Meat’s head may just be hangin on by a thread (if the bite don’t kill him first)!

POLICE BLOTTER

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Stefan had hotfooted it to Sheriff Mom’s office to get filled in on pilferage of the entire hospital blood supply and all the reserves.  She wasn’t accusing the remaining Scooby Gang, but she was havin a super bad week.  One more unexplained house fire and the citizenshit could hit the fan.  Stefan’s help was gladly accepted; the stolen blood endangered, oh, just ordinary human’s lives and also risked exposing the “good“ vampires, Car included!  Who did he know that was jonesing that bad for blood?  Uh-oh.  Looked like Stefan was thinking it started with “E” and ended with “na-na-na-na-na!”

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VISITING STUDENT ATTACK BLAMED ON BUSING

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If the uniform still fits…..MFHS was abuzz with cheer competition students, former ex-cheerleader Elena wandering through them like scoping out HungryMan TV dinners.  Caroline was NOT properly executing her watcher duties!  Just like old times, Elena looked fabbo and they were gonna kick rival Grove Hill’s collective ass!  OMG.  One of Team SF’s competitors (Stupid Flakes?) got a pimple!  Makeup emergency!  Never leave it on the bus unless it’s in a quarterback‘s jock strap!  The weak, pimpled prey cut herself from the herd, with predator Elena right behind.  Vamp ambush on the bus!  Under the pretext of wanting Pimple’s blue hair ribbon (didn‘t match Elena‘s Timberwolf Red!), Elena got the hang of Snatch, Eat, Erase!

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E stuck that bow in her own hair and returned to the gym wearing her trophy.  Car (DUH!) finally got it.  Pimples showed back up sans ribbon sporting a neck scarf and a daze.

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WTF part of Damon’s sire instructions had Elena not heard?  No eating the competition!  Elena would do what she wanted, back off, Queen Bitch!  Stefan witnessed most of the testy girl-talk, so called Damon to fill him in that the infamous sire bond wasn‘t working.  No, wait.  That’s all it took?  Flipping Elena’s emo switch broke the bond?  No emo, no feelings for Damon, no sire bond?  What would happen if she turned her humanity back on?  Who cares, where the eff are you, dude?!  Damon was where he was supposed to be–the Boonies truckstop lookin for dead Mystery Meat that could lead to Katherine.  And The Cure.

‘JUST A PINCH BETWEEN YOUR CHEEK AND GUM!’

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Well, there was Rebekah!  Freshly returned from Fangtasy Numbskull Island with tales of a dead Professor Shane (hmmm, he DID manage to gasp out a word–we reserve death announcement) and still lookin for The Cure.  Bex was bettin Damon could help find Katherine.  Why would he help?  Well, she brought a pinch of Klaus’ blood to fix that pesky hybrid bite Mystery Meat was sporting.  Only way to get him to squeal like a pig before he‘s bacon!  Reluctantly, Damon agreed to let her tag along.

MISHAP MARS CHEER COMPETITION

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Following the competition eating incident, Stefan searched for Elena for a little ’talk’.  That minx!  Threw one foot up around Stefan’s ear to stretch while HE talked.  Yoga is the key to flexibility–get your Down Dog on!  Not to be manipulated, Stef questioned her about the hospital’s missing blood supply.  Nope!  Sick of bloodbags she’s into the warmer, pumping sustenance!  He tried the empathy tactic–being undead is fun at first!  He didn’t turn Rippah for 50 years (well, 48 but who’s counting), when all of a sudden he ate an entire village.  She should be scared of becoming him.  Hard to climb outa that deep, dark hole of misery!  She was better than ‘this.’  Unless, of course, this was the better version of her?  Interruptions!  “Up next, Mystic Falls own Lady Timberwolves!”  Gotta go, bye!

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Caroline was hell-bent on preventing Elena from performing after her munchies–oh, yeah?  Try to stop her!  The roar of the crowd!  The swizzling of pom-poms!  The bitchy look exchange!  The totally ridic cheer!  The big Queen Caroline aerial and SPLAT!  (Good thing 10 class rings didn’t fall out of her cheer shorts when she hit the floor!)  Stef knew Elena let her drop on purpose, and so did Caroline.  Elena adopted a “see, I TOLD you I do what I want” look and waltzed out of the gym during the aftermath.

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Stefan decided another tactic was called for.  He intercepted Elena outside near his bike–who was she texting?  Everybody‘s pissed at her!  He had to hand it to her–got herself on the cheer squad with buttloads of vervain-free victims bussed right to her.  Smooth!  But ya know, gymnasiums have too many witnesses.  Somewhere more private would provide REAL fun.  He knew a dive bar, had his bike, and had been ‘switched off‘ in Mystic Falls himself.  She half-teased he was bluffing, but got caught in the old ‘Catch the Helmet Whilst I Vervain You‘ ploy.  Just a touch to take the edge off!  (Editor’s note:  There’s no sidecar on that bike, how’d he get her home, sprawled across his lap?  Bwahaaaa!)

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ANOTHER BLOOD BANK RUNS DRY!  ARE YOU OUR TYPE?

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We followed Detective Damon and his sidekick Rebekah to Grove Hill Hospital.  Bitten Mystery Meat, in a sun-fried and dying dazed state, might have hit the local open-all-night hospital blood bank.  Damon knew first-hand the bite stages of death!  Ooh, but THIS one was empty, too!  That ‘Sherlock Holmes with Brain Damage‘ crack was HIGHLY uncalled for, Bex!  Okay.  Mystic Falls also had a raid, and Mystery Meat wouldn’t have the strength or the time to clean em both out.  It’s……Someone Else!  Damon would think about that later–if Mystery Meat didn’t get any either place, he’s close and STARVING!  With a little banter questioning why Damon still wanted The Cure with the bond broken (giving Elena back to Stef?), Bex thought SHE should take the lead from now on!

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Surprisingly enough, Bex gave Detective Damon one more try.  He fed on a no-name med tech in the darkened parking lot–bitten vampire bait!  Three-course, 115 pounds of last supper, compelled to troll slowly through the parking lot!  Bex had the Klaus blood, they just needed to lure him out.  And out he came!  Damon got to him first with a tree-slam, but WTF?  Will?  Damon?  (Who the hell was Will and how did they know each other?)  Ooh, gotta keep Big Bad Bex away from this one!  Damon could ‘help’ fix what was wrong with Will.  HEARTRIP!  Bex demanded to know WHY?!  Meh, too far gone already.  (Yeah, right.)

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INTIMATE SOIREE HOSTED BY LOCAL ARTIST

Following Hayley’s truckstop rescue, what turned into a VERY intimate dinner party for two was held at Fortress Klaus.  He provided hospitality rather than torture and intimidation (but don’t cross him when it comes to desert!).  After all that wine and fine food, he wanted to know where Katerina was–Hayley had tipped her off about The Race for The Cure, and in exchange got targeted by Kat’s Mystery Meat lackey.  What had Kat promised Hayley?  Hmmm.  Okay, Hayley was in New Orleans lookin for info on her bio-parents when Kat found her.  She’d said she could help find out.  Guess that trade didn’t work out so well!  Now Klaus was the only one that could protect her, IF she cooperated.  After dinner drinks, anyone?

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After dining, they wandered into the study for drinks and Hayley’s eloquent artwork critique.  Hate that.  Too much.  Don’t get that.  Um, I don’t care.  This one doesn’t make me wanna puke.  Why’d he paint that lonely boy lookin one–painting was Klaus’ metaphor for control.  Klaus never felt like he was in control as a child–painting taught him one’s vision could be achieved through sheer force of will.  Also true of life–providing you don’t let anything stand in your way.  Hayley got her flirt on.  This was Klaus’ big move?  (Let me show you my etchings!  lol)  Flip a few mediocre paintings, whine about childhood, and she’d swoon and spill her guts?  Whatever Hayley thought, Klaus was kinda enjoying himself.  Oh, he ALWAYS does what he enjoys, right?  Including hunting Tyler?  She SO read him–talked a good game but let Tyler go for fear of Caroline‘s hatred.  Klaus read her right back–did she REALLY think she had a future with Tyler?  Hmmm.  Tyler might have dumped Car if Hayley had used The Cure to kill Klaus.  Man, did these two have their deadly flirt on or what?!  If Tyler had half of Hayley’s resolve he might actually live a year.  Didn’t take resolve.  Takes allies–a network willing to chase down loose ends to their death.  That was how Katherine had been playin Klaus for YEARS.  (sneak in close to whisper-flirt) Perhaps Hayley knew names of Katerina’s special little helpers?  Maybe one or two.  Maybe she‘d tell him.  (Maybe not.)  TEASE!

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UNDERAGE DRINKING AND ILLEGAL DRUG USE AID ESCAPEE

Whether by saddlebag or drug by her ponytail, Elena awoke from her vervain nap in Damon‘s bed with Stefan standing guard.  Grounded for dropping Caroline on her thick head?  No, public feeding was a no-no.  Shrug.  She’d been hungry, and now she was taking OFF her cheerleading uniform.  Real mature, Elena.  Try to manipulate Stefan with sex like Katherine.

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Nope, no comparison to Scaredy Kat, afraid of her own shadow.  Elena wasn’t afraid of anything–it was all shut off, including her feelings for Stef.  The sex was good but, meh, not feelin it anymore.  (Again with Elena texting–who to?)  Stefan cared what she does because it’s…..(wait for it)…..all his fault she’s like this.  He brought this into her life.  (Technically correct!)  Stef didn’t want to live with all the people that SHE killed.  (more texting)

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Oh, snap, Stefan, his whole world revolved around Elena!  Maybe he needs a switch-off!  Voices wafted up the staircase.  PARTY TIME!

Downstairs were rooms full of jocks and cheerleaders–AHA!  The texting!  Since Elena couldn’t party at the gym, she brought the party THERE!  OMG!  Don’t spill booze on the rug!  OCD Damon would have a hissy fit!  The Stelena looks exchanged made us KNOW two 164+ year olds were learning what it’s really like to babysit a petulant 18 yr old!

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Caroline recovered from her earlier mishap, finally arriving at the insanity.  Well, they couldn’t COMPEL the guests to leave since the locals were full of vervain.  Maybe they’d just get bored, or Damon would come home and kill them ALL!  lol  Grab a bottle, enjoy the party, and keep Elena from butchering Grove Hill’s cheerleading squad!  They spied Elena, dancing on the furniture, havin a rockin good time!  Didn’t that make Stef wanna let go a little?  Unfortunately, when he ‘let’s go’ heads roll–literally!  Sober Coach Caroline gave him the green light–high school kegger, hot girls, single–go for it Stef!  Bwahaaa!  He DID!  We got a Steroline moment!  Slung her right over his shoulder and out into the writhing bodies they went!

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Everybody had fun!  Elena poured endless upside down shots, while Steroline danced and chatted.  Did Elena no likey that, or did she have other things in mind?  Jealousy was one of those pesky switched off emotions–go ahead, Car!  Take him out for a spin (you can have my sloppy seconds again)!  Just when we thought it was safe to pour a cold one, Sheriff Liz showed up to bust Elena‘s party.  BUMMER!

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 Yup, Caroline was there, flirting with Stef, but he’d be good Tyler rebound material.  Relax, Liz!  Grab a drink, Enjoy yourself (and Elena’s hand on your arm if you went one step farther)!  Take your hand off me, Elena!  Either Liz had a drink, or Elena would….watch those veiny eyes!  Liz reached for her gun, but Elena slammed her against the wall.  THAT brought Car running, with Stefan holding on to Caroline to keep the girls separate.  ZOOM!  Diversion worked like a charm, Elena was gone, gone, gone out the front door to freedom!

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BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR!

Bex called Klaus to let him know Mystery Meat Will was dead.  Hayley was presently safe to go–or stay.  They didn’t really need that fireplace roaring, because they were SMOLDERING at each other already!  She ‘could’ be persuaded to stay and enjoy some of the good life.  Maybe she’d come up with a few more Katherine secrets, and Klaus could return the favor.  Sorry, she’d never convince him to back off of Tyler.  Oh, well, she’d never get her chance with Tyler, but Klaus wouldn’t get a shot at Caroline, either.  (Mood intensified–holy hell!)  Why had she liked that one painting?  Not because it allowed her to see into his wounded soul, but she saw how twisted it really is.

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(You sexy, sauntering, bottom lip biter, you!)  Maybe she could relate.  Klaus closed the remaining distance between them.  What was it gonna be?  Going…..or staying?  She sealed the deal–he liked to be in control, he should tell HER.  THAT did it!  KLEX!  Let the puppy making begin!  (We hate to be a buzzkill, but was Klaus’ right shoulder blade triangle tattoo a not-so-subliminal message?  See ‘Illustrated Man’ below.)

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FOREST SEARCH FOR FUGITIVE INTENSIFIES

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While they searched the woods, Stefan explained to Caroline how Elena had laid out her calculated plan, drawing all the peeps to Salvatore Manor, waited for a distraction, and poof–free!  Car could not beLIEVE she stooped to hurting Liz!  Calm down!  Car should search the woods, Stef would go check the road.  If Caroline ran into Elena, she should snap her neck. INTENSE!

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After Will fell from grace, Damon returned home with his new blonde shadow in tow, smack dab into the middle of totally unchaperoned insanity.  Oh, geez, the damage was done, he grabbed a passing bottle.  Bex knew he was hiding something about Mystery Meat Will.  Damon killed him to keep Bex from finding Katherine so Bex could have The Cure.  Huh?  That blonde logic was a tad twisted to write down!  lol  Damon questioned Rebekah’s motives–did she REALLY want The Cure?  REALLY?  Case study:  Two teen girls yucking it up on the staircase, having a high old time.  Look happy now.  In five years they’d settle for a mediocre starter husband and a mind-numbing career.  What makes Bex different from them?  She’s a vampire.  Takes that Cure and becomes like them?  Meh.  No one.  Nothing.  Losing The Cure is the best damn thing that ever happened to Bex.  He left her standing there, looking like that finally sunk in!  On his way upstairs, Damon got a text from Stef:  Elena’s AWOL.  Need help.  Well, crap!

Caroline shouted for Elena at the top of her lungs, threatening to use her ‘superior strength’ but didn‘t want to hurt Elena.  No T no shade, biotch–Elena was an honor graduate of AP Alaric Self-Defense Against the Dark Vampire Boyfriends, training while Caroline was too busy butting into other peep’s bidness!  CATFIGHT!

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Hair pullin, throat grabbin, ground slammin CATFIGHT!  Laced with interludes of not feeling bad about hurting Liz–Elena DOESN’T CARE!  Suggestions of Car hitting the off-switch–so she’d stop whining about Tyler leaving her.  Bonus!  No more guilt about her dirty Klaus thoughts!  SHUT UP!  More intense scuffling–Bwahaaa!  Elena told Car she fights like a girl!  Just when Elena had Caroline on her knees, about to stake her with a nearby broken branch–Ta-da!  Salvabros charged in like the cavalry, wrestling the two hairballs apart!  Before getting Elena out of there, Damon just couldn’t resist the, “Under any other circumstances this would be a major turn-on!”  ROFLLLLLLLLLLLL!

SHAKY TRUCE AT STATELY SALVATORE MANOR

The warring factions converged back at the Salvatore’s.  Caroline was on the couch, leaving voicemail #488 for Tyler about her shitty day and wish for a return call.  BUZZ BUZZ!  Incoming text!  What was this?  Matt texting Caroline to meet him at Tyler’s house?!  Stefan came in for a little sit down to smooth things over.

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Car’s best friend REALLY didn’t try to kill her.  With her emotions off Elena’s the worst version of herself.  What if Elena can’t turn them back on?  Or doesn’t want to?  She’s an orphan, just lost her brother, her life SUCKS!  Why would she come back to us, Stefan?  (With age comes wisdom.)  Even when Stefan was at his worst, Elena didn’t give up on him.  They can’t give up on Elena.  Deal?  Deal.

Damon and Elena were upstairs in his room.  Him going through that old trunk of pics he hoards, and her in time-out sitting on the bed.  To last, oh, say until she doesn’t want to kill her best friend.  Honestly?  How many times had Damon tried to kill Stefan, hypocrite?  Hey, what’s that picture Damon just found?  Him and the Vampire Formerly Known As Will with their arms slung over shoulders on some city street.  One of life’s many mysteries (um, maybe soon to be answered?).

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Elena was tired of being lectured she needed to feel.  She FEELS amazing.  Should she go back to the scared little girl who couldn’t admit what she wants, was that Damon wanted?  (uh-oh, the old familiar Delena pull in full da house!)  For a long time he’d wanted to ‘be’ with her, but was scared she’d find out what a monster he was.  That no longer mattered because she doesn’t CARE!  Be honest.  You like me better like this?  Furrowed brow, and lip staring, we think he liked her any way he could have her!

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THE BALLAD OF MATTHEW DONOVAN

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Caroline answered Matty’s text by showing up at the open front door of the Lockwood Estate.  We think this pretty much sums up things nicely:

Come and listen to a story ‘bout a boy named Matt
A poor busboy, barely had himself a flat,
Then one day a package he received,
And out from the mail fell a great big deed.
Legal that is, big columns, white swans.

Well the first thing ya know ol’ Matt’s a millionaire,
His good bud said, ‘Matt, move in dude, I swear!’
Yep, Lockwood Mansion is the place for better luck.
So he loaded up and moved in his fancy free truck.
Gift, that is, strings attached?  Oh, f*#k!

Well now it’s time to say goodbye to Matt and all his friends.
And they might sometimes thank ya folks fer kindly droppin’ in.
You’re all invited back next week to visit TVD
To have a heapin’ helpin’ of their warped reality!

Vampire that is.  Cast a spell.  Take your shirt off.

Y’all come back now, y’hear?

APOLOGIES!  We haven’t gone off on a rant like that in a while!  Long story short (haha, this is MFM, who‘re we trying to kid, short), Caroline could no longer walk through the Lockwood entryway–until Matty invited her.  He had a piece of paper in his hand and a kinda sorry look on his face.  He got a package in the mail from Tyler, with a letter for Caroline.

Dear Car,
I miss you, more than I can put into words.  But I know as long as Klaus is alive, I can’t come home.  He won’t stop trying to kill me.  And you won’t stop trying to protect me.  Which means the only way to make sure you’re safe is for me to go and never come back.  I left Matt the deed to the house.  It will protect you in ways I can’t anymore.  I will always love you.

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Aside from his really crummy penmanship with a No. 2 pencil on a Big Chief tablet, it was an exercise in ‘parting is such sweet sorrow’.  Except for the house protecting her in ways he can’t?  Headscratch.  Tyler’s not coming back.  Matty Donovan.  Human Kleenex.  RICH Human Kleenex (with no health insurance, but who cares now?).

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THERE’S A NEW ILLUSTRATED MAN IN TOWN

Instead of an after sex smoke, Hayley appeared to be re-dressing for a cut and run–until Klaus FINALLY spied the birthmark on her right shoulder (they’d been all over the house and ended up in a bedroom, he’s just NOW noticing it?  We could SO make a doggie style joke right here, but…).  She blew it off, lots of peeps have birthmarks.  However, in Klaus’ considerable lifetime, he had only seen a handful of others.  All from the same bloodline.  A werewolf clan that thrived through what is now Louisiana.  Struck a nerve!  Don’t lie to her!  Matters of family are SACRED to The Lord Niklaus!  Tell her!

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Quick observation.  Klaus got inked since he became a hybrid!  We sleuthed through back issues for THIS candid proof!

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BEFORE
(from 2.21, As I Lay Dying)

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AFTER

We’re hazarding a guess whatever those feather looking things on his left arm and the flock of seagulls across his pec must have some hidden meaning!  Stay tuned to see if we‘re full of bologna!

ROADTRIP!

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Stefan got a late-night phone call from Sheriff Liz with a bigger problem.  WHAT?  Another one?  We weren’t privy to their convo, but Stefan called Damon ASAP.  Where the hell WAS he?  Oh, out for a me-time drive.  Damon had said blood was stolen from Grove Hills Hospital?  The Sheriff has reports that six other blood banks within a 30 mile radius have been hit, too.  Somebody’s stockpiling.  It wasn’t Elena, and it wasn’t them.  Sooo…..spit it out Stefan.  S.H.I.L.A.S.  Followed them back from Fangtasy Island, fresh off a 2000 year fast.  Okay, good talking to ya, Stef.  Not in the mood–hold down the fort till Damon gets back.  Buh-bye, now, CLICK.  Hung up.  Ruh-roh!  Elena was in the car with him!  Stef was gonna hate Damon for that cutoff–emotions are overrated.  Where they going?  ROADTRIP!  Newbie Vampire Heaven!  To the City that Never Sleeps.  Tale a bite out of The Big Apple! Start spreading the news!

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WOOBIE WORD OF THE WEEK

damon-woobie

We needed a special shoutout to WOOBIEISMS this week because we just couldn’t pass this up:  Life sucks when you’re ordinary.  Closely followed by:  Under any other circumstances this would be a major turn-on!  We have to pick a word, though, so due to it’s frequency of use in this gossip rag as well as in many episodes, this week’s  Woobie Word of the Week………SCOOBY-DOO!

HAS ANYONE SEEN THIS BEAR?!

WoobieMilk (2)

MAK turned her obsessive habit of TVD tweeting and commenting on other people’s recaps into The Mystic Falls Messenger. She loves the stuffins out of all things vampire, especially The Vampire Diaries. Follow her shameless tweets @mak75231 so she doesn’t feel ignored!


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20 Comments

  1. Absolutely LOVED it!! I will never be able to hear that tune again without thinking of you or Matt!!!
    Thanks for the shout out too! You know I’m always here for your use and abuse!

  2. ok seriously duo i don’t like not a bit who is transformed in to elena she is crussing the line with this rude Word like she don’t care so fuck her if she taking the life of everyone screw her i want her dead if she is crossing the line even if she don’t care that bitch has to learn a lesson from Stephan seriously coz in the rest of the show no body like her on how is reacted right now so she better not crossing the line or she is going to cancelled the show that bitch so she better cool it down before gets any messier

  3. @Rainbowdragon12 LOL! Better stay off of TVLand Channel–that’s probably the only place you’d be in danger of hearing The Beverly Hillbillies’ theme! Be prepared for more abuse–you KNOW my teensy, no-def TV can always use a hand (it’s an equal opportunity abuser)! Huggles!

  4. Caroline has been a vampire for a year or less, would she be that much stronger than Elena? I would think they’d be almost evenly matched since it was a year not ten years. Stefan should then be stronger than Damon since he turned a few hours sooner if every second counts. Loved Elena dropping Car on her butt. Exactly what she deserved for promising to keep a secret and blabbling it the very next day.

  5. Is there no preview for next week? I cant even find one on youtube :(

  6. And I would just like to say that I was a little bit disappointed by this week’s episode… After waiting 3 weeks for a new one, there wasn’t much to it. We didn’t get any answers about Silas, and Bonnie wasn’t even in it. Is she still planning on committing the third massacre?

    Also, I was expecting Elena to be different without her humanity. JP said that she would be different than Katherine in the sense that she would not be manipulating, but instead brutally honest. And she was brutally honest, but I did see a little bit of Katherine in her as well, especially after she almost hurt Liz and then ran off.

    I was also kind of hoping for some more Delena scenes… but that’s my wish for every episode…

    Another thing that I am not happy with is Klaus and Hayley. That came from no where. Usually they have a lead up to these kind of relationships and hookups but I just did not see any real chemistry with these two… there was just a little bit of flirting in this episode as Hayley was unable to leave Klaus’ house. Not impressed. I want Klaroline!!!

    Something that surprised me this episode was that Tyler signed the deed over to Matt. I’m actually so happy about that. Matt deserves something good in his life.

  7. i feel like i o Ruthie an apologie for my extreme bad manners and for what i said to this day on Sunday 17 of March like that i don,t like not of bit what Elena causing to everybody Danger so i believe elena from part of Damon is going to be Better sooner or later i believe so, so in the other hands i hope Mrs Ruthie gets better every time she send,s me a post i hope she gets better for the love of Cyber me and i m sorry for all my mess i admited that i m said bad things so for that point of view i extremely sorry for my bad manners so sorry i realy do and i hope ruthie gets better sooner or later take care ppl and sorry for all my mess and have a good luck fro all of u specialy for ruthie the Webmaster of this amasing webmaster

  8. i know that i already apologising to everybody but seriously i don’t like Elena is causing to everybody even she don’t care that is part of her rutless line so she could be in Geil for causing lots of demege to everybody so i prefer to c her in gail before she causing another damages this creature mounster of Elena rudless girl

  9. Sarah you are absolutely right i can’t find you tube on here either they definitely needs to get you tube on this site you can’t watch no previews or anything else on here.

  10. I found you tube they do have it you have to click on Vampire Diaries recap and you will be able to watch them.

  11. @Melissa Haha! You did the same thing I did. crossing your mythology between storylines! As far as I know, only in Twilight are newbies stronger than ‘mature’ vampires! Elena is such a brat now! lol We’ll see what happens next week! Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment!

  12. @Sarah G. Think you may get your Delena next week! lol The going back to school was kind of a knee-jerk after the last harrowing epi, it worked out to show Mean Girl Elena. I didn’t really see Katherine in her–to me she just came off much more immature and a lot less conniving than Katherine. I was yelling at at the screen ‘TURN IT BACK ON’ by the end of the epi! I’m not really enthusiastic the Klayley pairing, but it’s kind of a way to set up both characters for the spinoff. As you could tell, I was THRILLED with Matt the Millionaire! lol Just wondering what Tyler meant in his letter to Caroline about the house protecting her? We shall see! As for ‘Shilas’–gotta find out if he’s hoarding the blood supplies, or maybe Bonnie on his behalf? Rest assured, they’ll both be back in the story soon! Thanks for reading and commenting!

  13. I really like the reprieve from all the deep drama of the last few episodes. I thought it was fun to watch Elena with her humanity off… although she did seem to show some feelings throughout.. anyways.

    IA it wasn’t a life altering show for anyone but I liked seeing Elena having fun. Loved the Stefan/Caroline scenes. Loved how when Damon arrived home in true Damon form, he just grabbed a bottle and was more then ready to partake in the party lol.

    And am of course looking forward to the roadtrip they are headed on. With the sire bond broken it should be most interesting.

    I hope they dont drag this Silas reveal on for the rest of the season. They should at least show us who they are dealing with even if he doesn’t interact with the rest of mystic falls just yet.

    And hated the way they threw Klaus and whats her name together.
    I didn’t think their scenes were bad or anything, just totally out of left field.

    Poor woobie :( (love the milk carton bwah hahaha) And the honorable mentions.!!! I love when they throw Damons wit in to lighten up a situation. Laughed out loud!

    thanks ladies
    Ruthie hope you had a blast on your trip!

  14. @Kate Yes, I kinda liked the reprieve from the drama–it was kinda too bad it fell after the hiatus, since I think some people were kinda thrown from the dramatic episode to one that was more ‘fun’. The whole Shilas thing is going to be interesting to watch; we have yet to see if it plays out to some sort of end this season. Appreciate the acknolwedgement on the milk carton–that was fun to make! Thanks for reading and commenting! :)

  15. @Sarah G. I agree…the whole Silas thing shoulf be priority #1 and I don’t understand it. I get it that Elena is having major issues but an unkown extremely powerful immortal witch/vampire thing has been raised from the dead after 2000 years and Bonnie is considering a massacre…HELLO?? I mean Kol was shitting his pants over Silas! Also the Klaus Hayley thing was random as hell and while it was hot to see Klaus get a little action I don’t like them together.
    @Ruthie I think the house being signed over to Matt can protect anyone Matt wants to protect from Klaus, Katherine or possibly Silas (if vampire invites apply to him…) because he would have the power to invite them in. Remeber Klaus has been invited in to Caroline’s house. Tyler views him as an obvious threat so this could be a “safe house.” Just a thought….
    Finally…why does everyone seem to think Elena deserves this cure? Out of everyone in the worl who was turned vamp against their will and hates it…why should she get it??? I have said it before…once they realized there was only one dose then it should have been given to Silas and that threat be avoided before it even came to fruitation.
    And Elena needs to put her big girl panties on a deal with life as it is for now. I mean Caroline was a whiny spoiled little brat and grew up fast when she turned (although some of us are a bit pissed at her right now…everything she did was with good intentions). And as for the catfight…Elena had no emotions and traing from Ric…Car deep down didn’t want to hurt Elena and let her feelings get in the way. That’s why she lost that fight.
    Deep down I think Elena might have something up her sleeve…IDK something’s not right.

  16. Sorry…that was an @Mak about Matt’s house not @Ruthie!!!!
    BTW thanks for a great recap again. I love reading every week!

  17. @Katerina Haha! Comment received! Damon has always seemed to be Elena Priority #1, and he’d worry about the Silas stuff when it comes back to bite him on the ass! Vampire invites obviously apply to Matt, as the new owner of Lockwood Mansion, that’s why Caroline couldn’t get in. Maybe that IS what Tyler meant, as long as no vampire but Caroline was invited, she was protected. Makes sense. As long as Matt keeps them out! Maybe Caroline really didn’t want to try to hurt Elena, but she was sure ready to throw in the towel after it was over until Stefan talked her out of it–WE can’t give up on her. I’d be interested to see what would happen if she turns her own emotions back on–about the sire bond. I’m sure we’re gonna find out! Thanks for reading! :)

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