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Mystic Falls Messenger: TVD Recap Episode 3.22 “The Departed”

Mystic Falls Messenger

Dearly Departed, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called Life. Electric word, life. It means forever and that’s a mighty long time. Keep your theories in your pants, because this week was fraught with OSMs (oh SHIT moments)! We’re callin ‘em like we saw ‘em, so don’t shoot The Messenger!

Editor’s note: A great big, super-duper, squishy Woobie Hug to Ruthie for enduring this season of screencapping for The Messenger. We couldn’t have done it without her! Maybe over our hiatus she’ll be tolerant enough to teach someone on our staff the tricks of the trade! The presses might roll more slowly if she does!

BACK IN THE GOOD OLE DAYS

Pink’s “So What” was number 4 on the May 2009 pop charts, and playing on Elena Gilbert’s radio alarm on the fateful morning of May 23. If the smiling, pom poms, and cheerleading uniform weren‘t enough to clue you in we were digging in the archives…

…possibly Aunt Jenna in the Gilbert kitchen did it for you?  Well, that plus a 14-year-old Jeremy locked in the Jack-n-Jill bathroom he shared with his sister, doing Lord knows what *wink*. And who was that beautiful brunette bidding Jenna and Elena a good morning? Miranda Gilbert, former adopted mom.

Elena woke to the present in a hospital bed, huh?. We overheard Dr. Meredith telling Jeremy in the hall that Elena hit her head but it was only a slight concussion. Jer was worried about the nosebleed, but Mer said she was gonna be fine, she was okay, she’d been through a lot. Anyone you wanna call? Ghostbusters?

Jer called Damon and Stefan, who were on the road to the Atlantic. He did WHAT?! (Damon, the voice of primal faux-parenting.) Jeremy tried to explain when you find your sister unconscious you call 9-1-1 but Damon wasn’t listening. Not when he has a parade of vampires at his disposal! Even Stefan was down with the program. Every remaining Original was gonna want her dead to stop PsychoRic, she was a sitting duck in the hospital. Meredith wanted to keep Elena overnight for observation. Get Elena home. No discussion. They’re on their way. Damon snarked how much he appreciated Stefan NOT being the dumbest brother on earth. (Did they actually high-five?) Aside from that, one of them needed to keep moving. If Klaus really was the Sire of the Salvatore bloodline, they need to keep Klaus’ body hidden before PsychoRic found him and really did kill him. And they all end up dead. Oh, Lord, their life is one big proverbial coin toss.

NOTED CITY OFFICIALS REMOVED FROM THEIR POSTS

Dr. Meredith Fell’s office was invaded by PsychoRic, patiently waiting to ambush her to ask why Elena’s GUARDIAN didn’t get a call when she was brought in? Oh, yes, he has eyes and ears everywhere now. Much like The Messenger. The people of MF are actually good at their jobs when allowed to be, but she was a tad too good at her job, since she cheats. Once again proving Alaric’s memories did carry over, Psycho had found her blood stash in the mini-fridge (ewww, unsanitary. Hope her lunch wasn‘t in there).

Kind of a small stash, only three vials. Hmmm. The only vampire we’ve ever seen Meredith steal blood from is dot, dot, dot. PsychoRic proceeded to dump the contents on her desk, with her pleading with him to stop it. The Council would contact the Medical Board to get her license suspended. Mayor Lockwood and Sheriff Forbes were being relieved of their duties. PsychoRic’s getting Mystic Falls back under control. Oh, and she’d release Elena to him. However, when he went down the hall to her room, she was gone. That Jeremy’s one fast little worker!

POST TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY ADVICE

Jeremy, Caroline, Tyler, and Matt had brought Elena home, where then ensconced the starving invalid on the couch. Closet check first, food second. Elena insisted she was fine. Caroline played home-away-from-home hostess, offering Tea? Vodka? Maybe Tea WITH vodka? Both would help her sleep. Maybe someone might have googled signs, symptoms, and treatment for faux-concussions? We seriously doubt alcohol is recommended, and what was that old wives’ tale about going to sleep after a head injury? Car left the living room, and Elena’s eyes landed on the family pictures on the end table, when she lapsed into thought (and apparently sleep)….

MF High sophomores Elena, Matt, and Bonnie walked across the school grounds, gossiping about Caroline’s harping on Elena’s lack of ponytail zhuzh. Bonnie was on her ‘psychic predictions’ hotline soapbox, just like when we first met her (flared jeans ARE making a comeback). Not psychic, she was just watchin too much ANTM. Well, pooh on you, Elena, but Bonnie had a bad feeling about the bonfire that night. Elena said she couldn’t go because of Family Night with Aunt Jenna in town. Matt tried to talk her out of it, gave her a smooch, told her he loved her, and went to see Coach Tanner. Bon noticed Elena didn’t say ILY back, and that was WAY telling. She shouldn’t string Matt along anymore.

Segue to present-day Matt, couch-sitting Elena when she woke. Ty and Car got calls from their moms, so they were gone. Matt wanted to know what she had been dreaming about. Sophomore year, which seemed like forever ago. The Curtain of Serious descended. Elena apologized for stringing Matt along. She shoulda figured out what she wanted and been honest. Now she’s making the same mistakes with Stefan and Damon. She has to let one of them go. Matt asked the rhetorical question, “Just one?” That was when Stefan returned and he and Elena exchanged a warm, sad embrace.

THE FOUR DEADLIEST WORDS

Jer had gone to The Grill to get take-out. But PsychoRic was at the bar (old habits die hard) waiting for him. Faux-dad, anyone? Serving alcohol to minors, he plunked two beers down in front of himself and Jeremy, and uttered the dreaded words, “We need to talk.”

PsychoRic needed Jer to tell him where Klaus’ body was. Jeremy didn’t know, and wouldn’t tell him if he did. [Our pub-crawling reporter slurred out, “If he told ya he’d hafta kill ya.“ Put the bottle down!] Elena’s vamp-fetish nearly got her offed AGAIN, and PsychoRic should know about multiple-death syndrome! If she wouldn’t cut them out of her life, HE would, but he needed Jer’s help. If Jer would find out where Klaus’ body was, Psycho will kill him and all his Original siblings, then when Psycho died, vampires would no longer exist. Hey, the only way PsychoRic dies is if Elena dies. Gee, thanks, Esther, then lock Psycho up and have Bonnie put a spell on him like she did Klaus. Let Elena live a long healthy human life (isn‘t it odd that she‘s human when it‘s convenient?). Anywho, when Elena’s life was over, Ric’s would be too. Props! PsychoRic needed props! So he pulled out Stake 2.0, the one weapon on earth that can kill the Originals. Jeremy should look at it his way, PsychoRic was gonna get Klaus one way or the other. C’mon, Jeremy, be on the right side of this. Did Jer buy it?

KITCHEN NIGHTMARES

At home, Elena complained to Stefan and Matt about being over-coddled, even if she was on house-arrest. Matt thought it would be smarter if they just got her out of town. Elena doesn’t want to run for the rest of her life, she was NOT an invalid, and she was done with the couch! Miss Priss! Matt asked if Stef was just gonna let her call the shots. She could make her own decisions, even if they were wrong. Nothing wrong with free will, Matt. You don’t realize that till you lose it. And Stef’s lost his and regained it recently, The Voice of Experience. But oops, Elijah was standing in the open front door. (OSM #1)

We all went to the Gilbert kitchen, with Damon on speaker phone. Elijah, in Let’s Make A Deal mode yet again, said all “we” need is to filch Stake 2.0 away from PsychoRic. Once they have it, the Originals would scatter to the fabled ends of the Earth (Narnia?) and PsychoRic would follow them. Klaus and Rebekah spent most of a thousand years running from Mikael, what would another half-century be as Elena lived the rest of her natural life. Elena wouldn’t just bring Klaus back after one of their hare-brained diabolical plans actually worked and they stopped him. Elijah gave Elena his word he would not revive Klaus within even her children’s lifetimes (no tea no shade, Elijah, our readers have seen your ‘word‘ in action before). Matt wanted to know why she should trust him since all he’d done is screw her over. Bravo, Matty! Elijah groveled (for a sec) but reminded them he could have killed her the minute he walked in. SO! Miss Elena, up to her to make the decision whether to trust him or not.

We don’t know how Damon kept a cork in it so long, but he piped up on the speaker phone “NOT! Hello! Did that concussion give you brain damage? His lunatic siblings will kill you the first chance they get!” As the “senior” brother, Elijah commanded Rebekah and Kol would honor the terms, if they got Klaus’ body Elena would be safe. Do they have a deal? More piping from the peanut gallery, “NO, no no no no no did I mention NO?!” Stefan told Elena it was up to her. “Oh, come ON!” If Damon coulda crawled through the phone he would have. Elena asked why Elijah wanted Klaus’ body? He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother. We remain together. We have a deal. Elena, smack your own head.

RUNAWAY TEENAGE COUPLE ABETTED BY PARENTS

Tyler and Caroline showed up at the Lockwood Mansion to find their moms in deep discussion. Carol explained that PsychoRic outed them to The Council, had them looking for Klaus, and then they’d be coming for Forewood. Which meant Tyler and Caroline had to skedaddle before then. Caroline didn’t understand at first that they needed to high-tail it outa town, or that their mothers were actually encouraging them to shack up on the run. Carol got some cash, Liz faked IDs and school records. Tyler couldn’t believe it, either. They wanted them to run? Liz and Carol couldn’t protect them anymore. If they stay, they’d end up dead. As opposed to Elena, they have NO choice.

Caroline and Tyler shared a private moment. Caroline didn’t want to leave their friends, but Tyler pointed out that Stefan and Damon were gonna protect themselves. He and Car were on their own, and he wanted to protect her. Oh, melty pants! She’d go anywhere with him. If they had to spend the rest of their lives running, she’d run with him (that sounded suspiciously like a song lyric). But first, she had to help their friends. Okay. Tyler would get stuff together and meet her at the cellar in two hours, they had to travel light. Car didn’t need anything, except maybe a curling iron, three pair of Jimmy Choos, and this month‘s Glamour? Oh, and they had to tell Bonnie—Tyler would call Bonnie (ahhhhh, contact). Two hours. Don’t be late! Tyler was AMAZED he was actually gonna pull this off with their mom’s blessings!

FAUX FATHER DOESN’T KNOW BEST

After the Deal of the Century went down in the Gilbert kitchen (synchronize your watches, it won’t last long!) Matt whispered to Jer on the Porch of Truth steps. Um, hey guys, house full of vampires with super hearing? You better hope they’re not listening while you come up with Diabolical Plan Q. Jer had told Matt about the meet-up with PsychoRic at The Grill. What Jer wanted to do was go in the house, grab Elena and get her outa there. Matty was game, but how were they gonna get her past all the vamps in there? (Finally, one brain between the two of them!) Even if Jer wanted to help Alaric, he didn’t know where they stashed Klaus. Uh-oh. Matt did.

Back at The Grill doing bicep bourbon curls, PsychoRic got a call from Jer. He knows where Klaus’ body is. Damon was on the way to bury his body in the woods off Route 12. Jer would text him with the specifics. A convert! Thanks, Jer. You’re doing the right thing for your sis. Jer knows. He was lookin at his sister while making the call. From the Gilbert kitchen with all the plotsters as witness. PsychoRic bought it. (OSM 2)

YOU PACK IT, YOU SHIP IT, WE STORE IT

Speaking of Tyler calling Bonnie to fill her in—Damon and Bonnie emerged from an elevator in a self-storage building. How in hell did she get there? Damon bitched about not being halfway out of Virginia before Elena sold their souls to The Originals. Nuh-uh, Bon wasn’t havin it, it was Elena’s call. Yeah, like everything bad ever! STFU, Damon, where’s the body? As long as it was unspelled PsychoRic was just one witch away from finding it. Damon was gonna use Unit 666, but maybe a little too obvious? So, Klaus was in 1020. Along with a mini-fridge, a couple of birdcages and a box of old Playboys. One beef jerkified Original.

In a coffin. Lookin mighty dehydrated, but with just enough oomph to open his eyes when they popped the top. Creepy! Bon needed a minute. Damon wanted her to just jam the witch locator or bat signal or whatever and get on with it! Again, Damon, STFU! Elena and Jeremy lost Jenna and Alaric because of Klaus. Tyler’s a hybrid, Bon’s mom is a vampire. Bonnie wanted a minute to just appreciate the sight of Klaus all laid out like yesterday’s wet newspapers (now wait just a minute!). Damon left them alone (he didn’t want to deal with her ‘tude, but we stayed behind). Bonnie told Klaus’ cold, dead remains he should burn in hell. But if he dies, so do her friends, and her mother. What was she supposed to do about that? Bonnie was in a MOOD!

POSSIBLY PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW

While Stefan was preparing to do battle, Elena told him to make sure PsychoRic didn’t harm Jeremy. Stef reassured her that they had enough strength in numbers to disarm PsychoRic. Elena sighed deeply, and Stef asked dumb question of the world, “Hey. What’s wrong?” while stroking her cheek with his thumb. Lately she felt like anytime anyone walked out of the house they might not make it back home.

Stef promised he would do everything in his power to make sure they all come back. Elena nodded, and Stef started to leave. Elena stopped him, but forget it, they could talk later. He turned to leave again, thought better of it, and rushed to Elena with a passionate, breathless kiss—just in case there is no later.

COMPETENT LAW ENFORCEMENT RETURNS TO MYSTIC FALLS?

As soon as Bonnie left PortaStorage, Damon was on the phone to Stef. Bex should be there soon to pick up the body. Stef had Caroline and Elijah in place, and Jer was gonna lead Alaric to them in the woods. Damon couldn’t hold back. You just had to let Elena make the choice, didn’t you, Stefan? WWDD? Grab her, gag her, throw her in a well, anything rather than let her trust Elijah! Stef reminded Damon she’d just hate him for it. Yeah, but she’d be alive and hating him. The eternal difference between the BroBuddies.

Stef chuckled. As soon as they get the stake, Damon was to hand over the coffin and get out. PsychoRic had half the police lookin for Klaus’ car. The elevator binged. Gotta go. The Original Sister is here! About time, Sexy Bex! Damon got an armlock from behind. Not a petite blonde one, either. It was PsychoRic. Where’s Klaus? How did you find me?

Damon would be amazed how competent law enforcement is when it’s not corrupted by vampires. Where. Is. Klaus. In a storage locker. There’s only about a thousand of them. Knock yourself out. PsychoRic snapped Damon’s neck, looked disgusted, and started down the long hallway of infinite locked doors.

LOCAL TEEN ABDUCTED

Elena was up in her room, and Matt brought her over-honeyed tea. He sucks at tea. But not at disguising rufies, apparently. He sat with her and calmly discussed Stefan. He saved her life. She never told Matt that. The night Grayson and Miranda died, Stefan was the one that saved her. Matt asked if she felt like she owed him, or something? No, after the accident, she felt like she didn’t know how to live anymore. Like she didn’t want to. But then being with Stefan, somehow she figured it out. That’s what love should be. You should love the person that makes you glad that you’re alive. So Matt asked what was the problem? Damon. When she’s with him, he consumes her. She knows that she can’t love them both, that it’s wrong, but when she chooses one she’ll lose the other, and she didn’t want to lose anyone else. She wished she had her mom to give her advice. FLASHBACK!

Do you dream on drugs? Elena relived the ill-fated sophomore year bonfire. She was on her cellphone while walking out of the party, with Aunt Jenna complaining about sucking at Pictionary. Is that the only game available in the Gilbert House? They should borrow Twister from Stefan sometime. Come get me! Feeling guilty about ditching Family Night?

Mom‘s intuition had Miranda wanting the phone. Is everything okay? Elena had a fight with Matt because he was getting too college and love and marriage like he ALWAYS did and Elena wanted to run screaming for the hills. Miranda said Matt didn’t really care about all that, he was just trying to figure out how she felt about him. Elena didn’t know how she felt. Yeah, you do. You’re just afraid to say it. Elena didn’t want to lose him. Mom’s know best, “You’re not gonna lose him honey, you’re setting him free.” Hold that thought.

Elena came around (and back to the present) somewhere in the dark of night in Matt’s old beater of a pickup movin on down the road. What‘s going on? It was the only way Matt was gonna get her in the truck. The tea? Matt was sorry, but she was right. She didn’t have any parents to tell her what’s right or wrong, just him and Jeremy and a bunch of vampires fighting a war she shouldn’t be in the middle of. WTH is going on, Matt? He was getting her out of town, it was the only way to keep her safe.

AREA NEWS–PUBLIC STORAGE BREAK-IN REPORTED

Crimestoppers received an anonymous call this week about numerous cases of vandalism at an area PortaStorage. PsychoRic was caught on film trying to find out what was behind door number one, and two, and three, and so on. Snapping locks and striking out. The elevator binged–it was SexyBex, calling for Damon. Ric had handy Stake 2.0 at the ready, and stalked toward her as she roamed the halls getting ever-increasingly irritated that Damon didn’t answer.

She became more apprehensive, when suddenly a hand reached out of the darkness and covered her mouth, hauling her into the shadows. Ssssshhhhh! It was recently recovered Damon, trying to protect her from The Evil that Lurked in the hall. PsychoRic continued his menacing search, until he came to a stop before Unit 1020, noticing the lock had already experienced premature snapoffery! Oh-ho! Dis must be de place! But when he threw up the door, lo and behold, there was a big empty floor where we knew Klaus-in-a-box was before!

Well that ticked him off! Damon had already nabbed the goods, and he and Rebekah were rolling the coffin and bier outside to the getaway truck like they were practicing morticians. Not so fast, you two crazy kids! Psycho overtook them with super vampspeed, grabbed Bex, smashed her against the side of the vehicle, and threw her aside like a rag doll. Next he ninja-kicked Damon in the gut before throwing open the lid of Klaus’ tidy rolling bed of repose!

It must really suck to be that dehydrated (not to mention chained), see it comin, and only be able to roll your eyes at your attacker! Stake 2.0 came out, with Bex and Damon both screaming “NO!” in the background as PsychoRic plunged the weapon home! (OSM #3) From our perch high atop the getaway hearse, we only saw the reflected flames dancing off the faces of Damon restraining a distraught Bex screaming for her brother’s undead life. We took a chance and peered over the side (okay, so our reporter lost an eyebrow, R.I.P.). Klaus’ chest burst into flames, Evil PsychoRic ripped the offending splinter out and triumphantly slammed the lid shut on Klaus forever. If Momma Esther had only left the user manual for Stake 2.0, we might know if there was a timeframe for that reusable WMD (gone in 60 seconds? 15? Let stand in oven for a full two minutes?), but our reporter never got a good look at the pile of ashes. Hmmm. Well now! Next victim, Bex?! Damon slung her away hollering, “Run!” which had PsychoRic workin his neck in irritation. Bex took off and Damon lunged at the menace, who casually threw him aside and sped after Bex.

That left Damon behind making an ill-fated call to Stefan back at Diabolical Plan Central in the Woods. Which we listened in on, of course. Bad news. PsychoRic staked Klaus. How do you feel? How do YOU feel? Once they established they both felt okay, Stefan remembered it took Sage about an hour before she got “sick”, but Damon still held out maybe Klaus lied about being the Sire of the Salvatores. If he wasn’t lying, an hour’s not enough time for Damon to get back from Public Storage for he and Stefan’s “epic” goodbye. Snarky Damon, meet Serious Stefan. Were you two ever introduced? Not their brother goodbye, Damon and Elena‘s. Didja HAVE to go there, Stef? Break out the Kleenex. Guess Stefan will just have to say goodbye for both of them. There was a ton of teenage hanging on the phone not saying anything (but the quiet was deafening), until Damon broke the silence—Call me if you cough up a lung. Click.

Jeremy (NOT our field reporter) eavesdropped behind Stefan, and explained Elena wasn’t AT home. He and Matt pulled off super-secret Plan Q and got her out of town. Always the optimist (well, sorta), Stefan said it was gonna be fine, Klaus was lying, and everybody would be okay. But his words didn’t reach his face, nope, not buying it! Caroline and Elijah showed up, knowing something had gone horribly wrong from the eye contact alone!

FORWARD OR BACKWARD?

Jer quickly called his Plan Q cohort, to tell Matt the bad news. It’s funny, nobody talks on speaker, but everybody always knows what’s been said on everybody else’s cell phones! Elena heard the news, and insisted they go back to Mystic Falls. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if Klaus was the Salvatore Sire, then they’re all gonna die! WE HAVE TO GO BACK! Reading the triangle tea leaves, Matt gently told Elena that Damon wasn’t with the rest of the bunch. He was 100 miles away at PortaStorage. Matt could keep driving to him, or they could go back to Stefan. It was her choice (as usual). So what did she do? Why, she called Damon, of course!

TO FALL OR TO UNFALL

There was a flurry in the newsroom, as we scrambled for MORE KLEENEX! Still high atop our hearse-perch, we listened in as Elena checked in to see if the Grim Reaper had paid a visit. Damon had no symptoms yet, and thought they’d all get a kick out of it when they found out Klaus was a BFL (big fat liar). Damon asked where she was (and what she was wearing–not really), since he could hear the sound of Matt’s old beater in the background. Here it comes! Matt was taking her home. To Stefan. (OSM #4) Not just to Stefan. To Tyler, to Caroline–he got it. Since Damon was possibly a Dead Man, he broke into ‘let me ask the question I don’t really want to know the answer to’. In a perfect *ahem* world, if it was just him or Stefan, and she had to make a choice, who got the goodbye? (We woulda handed him a Kleenex but we were fresh out by this time!)

She loves Stefan (backpedal), he came into her life when she needed someone and she fell for him instantly. No matter what Elena feels for Damon, she never unfell for Stefan. Stefan, it’s always gonna be Stefan (dare we say echo, echo,echo?). All Elena could think about was the here and now, and she cares about Damon, which is why she had to let him go (Mom, didn’t you say she wouldn’t lose ‘him’, she’d set him free?) Maybe if she and Damon had met first (uh-oh). Maybe (ouch, that hurt). Elena tried to reassure him he was gonna be fine, okay, and she would see him soon (just as PsychoRic walked up behind him). Real soon, GOODBYE Elena. Psycho was still pissed and Goldilocks gave him the slip. Which got Damon decked for his snarkiness.

HOWLING REPORTED IN THE WOODS NEAR LOCKWOOD ESTATE

Caroline made it to the Lockwood Cellar of Werewolf Changing and Candlelight Sex in desperate search of Tyler. She was in frantic tears worried about him. Oh, God, he’s there and she clenched him in an unbreakable embrace. Tyler apologized, he was just with Bonnie (hmmm). Caroline choked out, “Klaus died!” through her tears. Tyler eye rolled. A lot (double hmmm). Presuming to suck it up, Tyler told her she was gonna be fine (is this ‘gonna be fine’ The Lying Game this epi or what?), but she was only worried about him. Tyler put on a brave (if not his own) face and told her he was a lost cause, but she was strong, and she had a beautiful future ahead of her (did these flowery phrases sound not so Tyler-like?).

When she makes it through this ordeal, she was supposed to tell his mother he left town like he was supposed to. It’s not NICE to lie to your mother! Caroline only nodded, and they exchanged sloppy wet kisses and hugs like it was their last (why did Tyler have such a look of ecstasy on his face, like it was his first time? The hmmms are humming up in here).

Time for the theatrics of death throes! Tyler started retching, cramping, and bone-breaking. When the first wave was over, he turned, gripping his chest, and asked Car if she felt anything. No, she cried, she felt fine. Thus keeping the ruse of Salvatore Sire intact. Tyler wanted her out of there, didn’t want her to watch him die. Like with his first transformation, Caroline wasn’t gonna let him go through it alone. As the next wave of twisty pain overtook him, he choked out for her to run, or he’d make her run! When the transformation really started to kick in…um, she ran! (OSM #5)

Once out of hybrid land, Car called Elena to give her the More Bad News. Matt, not possessed of super-hearing, wanted to know what now? They were still on the road back to Mystic Falls. It’s Tyler, he’s dot, dot, dot. DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! This isn’t how their lives were supposed to be! Poor Powerless Matty!

THE ORIGINAL SAGE OF MYSTIC FALLS SPEAKS

Meanwhile, Bex had magically homing-beaconed her way to Elijah In The Woods. Clueless meets Classy to compare notes. Bex apparently still hadn’t figured out that gossip in Mystic Falls travels quicker than even her Original vampspeeding stilettos, as she tearfully told Elijah that Klaus was history. Tyler Lockwood is dead (oh, reeeeally?), but the rest survived.

We could almost hear the wheels turning in Elijah’s ancient brain. He always gets to give out the good deets, ya know! He shoulda been the one they named ‘Sage’! Rebekah had told him that Niklaus turned the Salvatore bloodline (she thought), it wasn’t Elijah, it wasn’t Kol. Bex volunteered it wasn’t her, either, she was SURE it was Niklaus! Then how are they still alive? Ooh, ooh, ooh * jumping up and down*, we know!

MEETING OF THE MYSTIC ORDER OF BADASSERY

And along came Bonnie, dread-walking into the Lockwood Cellar of You-Know. She knows who’s there? Out of the shadows swaggered Tyler (Taus, Kyler, Tausler–we have four months to come up with a good mash-up) with a totally different ‘tude. ‘You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m tellin you why.

Tyler-Klaus is comin to town!’ He “must say, you did that spell brilliantly; I didn’t think you had it in you.” How very British of him! She did it to save her friends and her mom, not for Klaus (WHAT? We thought this might be coming-OSM #6). The Spirits can be unhappy all they want, they’re NOT telling Bonnie what to do anymore. She’s DONE being pushed around by them, the vampires, the Originals, all of them! She did it because SHE wanted to. Take that! She’s Dark Bonnie with her own agenda!

ONE-CAR FATALITY IS A DEAL BREAKER

After Bex and Elijah had put their old heads together, Bex called Stefan while he was on his way home from the woods. She congratulated him on still being alive, and gave him Matt and Elena’s 4-1-1 back in town any minute. Elijah had already told Stef that, and that the two of them would also be long gone by now? Well, that’s the problem. Elijah said they had to run from Hunter PsychoRic, but Bex was tired of running. What about their deal? Klaus’ death negated the deal, and if Bex and the OrigiBros (new rock band?) were gonna survive, they had to get rid of PsychoRic, and the only way to do that……where was she calling from again?

Oh, yeah. Standing in the middle of the road that Matt and Elena were driving down, swapping dead cell phones. No way, Bex! Stef was desperate. Southern Gentleman Matty with quarterback reflexes looked up just in time to swerve The Beater to avoid Bex. Right off what we could only presume was Wickery Bridge. This IS history repeating, after all. (OSM #7)

As we slowly bid a fond farewell to The Beater filling with water, Elena began to hallucinate. Dad? DAD! In quick murky succession, she saw the past all flash before her eyes. Her dad trying to reassure her it was gonna be fine (to be continued…)

We interrupt this confusing sadness for a little pummeling and bleeding by Lost Cause of the Week Number Two, Damon, letting PsychoRic kick the shit out of him at PortaStorage. What was the point in fighting back, Ric? He’d given up (Psycho is too invincible BAMF, his ‘girl’ had apparently chosen Little Brother, he might expire from Klausification, his world was goin to shit, why not go out in a blaze of self-pity?). DON’T CALL HIM RIC! That whole BFF (bottle friends forever) thing had forestalled Ric’s inevitable evolution into breaking through to all the badass he could be. And now he was gonna break Damon. Let’s all flashback with our hemorrhaging anti-hero back to our first glimpse into Mystic Falls.

It was an eerie night, lit by the full moon. There was a body lying in the road. Lying in wait for an unsuspecting stranger to munch on. Crickets. The gorgeous roadkill playing possum heard The Voice. It was sophomoric Elena, talking to Bonnie on her cell whilst waiting for The ‘Rents to pick her up. She just couldn’t bring herself to tell him (Matt, she wasn’t feelin the love). She was startled when she looked up from her phone to hear a lusty, “Katherine.” No, she’s Elena. At first off-balance, Damon quickly recovered his come hither charm by telling her she just REALLY reminded him of someone.

[We feel a song comin on, Bob Seger]

On a long and lonesome highway
East of Mystic Falls
You can listen to the crickets
moanin’ out this one note song
You can think about the woman
or the girl you knew the century before….

DIDN’T ELENA’S MOTHER EVER TELL HER NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS (unless they have looks that could kill, literally, in more ways than one)? Damon introduced himself, but it WAS kinda creepy [here I am, on the road again–STOP THAT!] he was out there all alone, but so was she. Nothing bad ever happens in Mystic Falls. Au contraire, m’dear! Awkward stranger silence was broken by Elena explaining she got into a fight with her boyfriend. Damon wiped the ‘I’m thinking about lunch’ look off his face to engage in a little ‘may I ask about what’ repartee.

Life, future, Matt had it all mapped out. Damon said the words she was afraid to say herself, she didn’t want it. She didn’t know what she wanted. But he contradicted her, that she wanted what everybody wants. Don’t flirt with the Mysterious Devil, Elena! He’d been around a long *cough cough* time and learned a few things (oh, when he does the pouty-lip thing!). Ya know, they had the eye-sex going from the minute it was ON! What is it that she wants? (This is an important speech, peeps, listen up!) Elena was spellbound.

“You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and even a little danger.” What does he want? Beep-beep. Go AWAY, Grayson and Miranda, it was just getting good! DAMMIT! Last compulsion of the season, Damon told her he wanted her to get everything that she’s looking for.

But right now, he wanted her to forget that ‘this’ happened. He couldn’t have people knowing he was in town yet. Goodnight, Elena. So she DID meet him first. How opportune of Damon to remember this as he lay bleeding out. (OSM #8)

New resolve arose against the Invincible Psycho in the present? That all you got? Nope, he had Stake 2.0 and was about to use it when Damon kicked his hand out of the way and started fighting back.

ROLLING IN THE DEEP

Where were we in Elena’s short and unfortunate life wetly flashing before her eyes? Oh, yes. Elena struggled to get the door open, or the window down, or anything, as they were both now completely submerged and losing precious bubbles of air. Much like Grayson did with Miranda floating motionless in her seat three years earlier. The desperate attempts seemed fruitless, and Grayson and Elena clasped hands, resolved to their fates with a sorrowful nod and I Love You. As the grip loosened, WE saw not The Beater, but the Gilbert Family vehicle submerged in the inky water.

At the window of The Beater appeared a face, just as it had three years earlier. Stefan. Grayson had implored him with his emotions to save Elena. Stefan ripped off Matt’s door, and reached out for Elena. With her last gasp and desperation in her eyes, she begged Stefan to take Matt. He did. One lone bubble escaped from her lips, her eyes closed, and she was floating. Waaaaaaa! (OSM #9)

Since Damon had resolved to fight back against PsychoRic, the battle raged on at PortaStorage. Both had deathgrip holds around each other’s necks, when Ric, yes A.L.A.R.I.C. squeezed out, “What’s happening? Damon!” As he fell to his knees with a bewildered Damon grasping him in a desperate man-hug, the realization dawned. Ric breathed his last with Damon cradling his head and crying out, “You’re not dead!” He knew. Not only was his friend dead, that meant….NOOOOOOOO! (OSM #10)

At the Gilbert House, Jeremy was leaving a frantic voicemail for Matt, since they should have been back by then! Um, Jeremy. You see dead people? There was Alaric, standing in the hall. He was clueless as to how he got there, he just wanted to say goodbye and it kinda of happened. Ric? Jeremy was slow to catch on. Ric just wanted him to know he’d always be there to look after him, that he’d never be alone. He promised. (OSM #11) You’re a ghost? If you’re dead, that means Elena…

…was on a slab in the morgue (amazingly dry for a drowning victim, may we say), with Stefan mourning silently over her beautiful corpse. Damon came busting into the hospital, demanding to know where Elena was from Dr. Meredith. Wait! Wait! Meredith needed to tell him that when Jeremy brought Elena in earlier Meredith had LIED about the concussion.

Jeremy had been so worried Meredith didn’t want to tell him how serious it really was. Elena had a cerebral hemorrhage, bleeding on the brain. And Meredith “helped” her (she cheats, remember). YOU WHAT!?

 

GASP! (OSM #12) Let’s call them the Dirty Dozen OSMs of Season 3.

WOOBIE WORD OF THE WEEK

‘Beef jerkified’ was so cute, but in honor of the gravity of the end of the season, the final Woobie Phrase of the Season is…………….. PASSION! Pass the Kleenex!

NOTES TO READERS: (in no particular order because our brains are still scrambled)

Caroline remembered everything that had ever been done or said to her when she turned. IF Elena is indeed in transition, will she remember EVERYTHING and how will it affect the Triangle?

Presumably it was Damon’s stolen blood that Meredith used on Elena. How will that sit with Stefan?

How long will it take the Salvabros to come to the same conclusion as Elijah and Bex, that there’s something rotten in Denmark Mystic Falls? And it ain’t *wink* Tyler.

Will the bloodbags Klaus filled from The Doppelganger become the new moonstone to fight over?

Will Bonnie use some new darkly acquired ju-ju to prevent Elena’s seemingly obvious fate? After all, she was powerful enough to pull off the Tyler-cohabitation long distance, with no touching!

How long will it take Caroline to figure out she’s sleeping with the enemy (in Tyler-form)?

If The Doppelganger’s really gone-gone, why would any of The Originals have reason to hang around Mystic Falls?

If the Klaus-vessel is truly torched beyond repair (remember, it was Bonnie’s ancestor that had that preservation talent), could Bon transfer him into Esther’s body? A little cross-dressing, matricidal maniac that could off him/herself?

Did Matty survive (CPR or Stef-to-Matty resuscitation) and where is he?

Don’t you just wish the season finale had aired on May 23, to complete the circle of Grayson and Miranda’s date of death, May 23, 2009? That would have been TOO creepy!

Was that eye-popping gasp from the morgue slab the writers’ tongue-in-cheek way of spoofing Twilight (take that, you story that was written ten years after this one hit the shelves)?

Can you hold your breath for four months?

MAK turned her obsessive habit of TVD tweeting and commenting on other people’s recaps into The Mystic Falls Messenger. She loves the stuffins out of all things vampire, especially The Vampire Diaries. Follow her shameless tweets @mak75231 so she doesn’t feel ignored!

Ruthie

Ruthie took her passion for The Vampire Diaries books and started Vampire Diaries Online in February 2009. After 8 years online, she continues to engage with fellow TVD fans here and on Twitter, sharing in the love of The Vampire Diaries. #TVDForever


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28 Comments

  1. I think i might die in these next months without TVD! the last episode was great but im a little scared of whats going to happen. ive read all the books and yes, she turned, but it didnt lasted long, but it was still great because she thought she was inlove with damon but the thing is that im scared because if this happened in the book and they did it in the tv series, does it mean that theyre going to do the tv series more a like to the books, because if it is this way, then Damon might die in the end!!!

  2. Excellent reporting as usual.

    The fact that they had her say “maybe if I’d met you first” and then showed that she DID meet him first makes me sure that yes she will remember not only that but the time Damon told her he loved her but didn’t deserve her but Stefan did and then compelled her to forget.

    Who CARES how it sits with Stefan. He’s the idiot who let her indulge her death wish.

    I don’t think “Tyler” will start the season in Mystic Falls.

    Interesting. I wonder how long it keeps?

    I hope not. The writers have made a choice and they should stick with it. As for the spell. The first time it happened, Klaus was not there. Maddux worked some strange mumbo jumbo using what I presume is Klaus’ blood. When Esther did it, she touched Bex but I don’t think it’s necessarily because she *had* to. She wanted to take over Bex and convince Klaus that Esther was dead. In other words, it hasn’t been established that touching is necessary.

    Second, Tyler’s multiple transformation notwithstanding there is an extra link between him and Klaus. Personally I don’t find the transferring thing to be a stretch. I also don’t buy that Klaus’ body is actually dead. The stake kills original VAMPIRES. NO where has it been established that it will actually kill the Original Hybrid.

    It was their home first. Bex is tired of running. Also, they’re both convinced that Klaus did sire the Salvatore bloodline and if they’re alive then Klaus can’t be dead. I think there’s plenty of reason for their continued interest and presence in MF.

    I hope he survived.

    Bring on S4!

  3. I do think Bon is getting stronger in her powers, hell, she used to float feathers! I also think there’s another link to Tyler–I sstill think Tyler’s long dead great great great great was Klaus’ bio-dad.I also don’t think Klaus’ body is up in ashes. They clipped that just WAY too short. And Tyler told us more than once the way to kill a Hybrid was cut off his head or rip out his heart. So we’re on the same page. I’m not buying the “Home Sweet Home” theory–if/when they find “Klaus”, there’s no reason to stick around with no Doppelganger left to be the focus of why they’re there. They left the place entirely for over 500 years, because they were waiting for the next Doppelganger to come along. That’s what brought them to Mystic Falls, not the pull of home. I hope they don’t drag out the hunt for the real Klaus for an entire season, though. Yeah, I’m pretty sure Matt is alive and kickin!

  4. Hey wowowwowowowow time out time out what the reporter means about this girl is death Miranda what does she do to have her death i didn’t know that what happent to her can somebody explained to me please what the hell on this news????

  5. hey you guys what happent to this girl Ruthie is she alive or is she Death i don’t understand please for goodnesssake please don’t fucking scared me i wana know about this author Ruthie what is happend to her what is she do please tell me what is the meaning of this please????

  6. I am afraid they will undo the Elena vampire thing. EIther by having dark witch Bonnie do something just as Elena is about to drink blood and turn, or following the books where Elena the vampire dies and is brought back as something else (please not the stupid angel). I really think she needs to stay a vampire. Her two loves and one of her best friends are vampires, it’s not like she’ll wind up alone because they all died. It’s the only way she can stay with Stefan forever. The writers chose to have her turn, stick with it to the end.

    Since Klaus has his always and forever siblings, why not pop him into Elijah or Rebekah and dessicate them. Tyler would be free and Klaus would finally be gone. Really, really tired of him. I can understand the writers’ attachment to Joseph Morgan the actor, but as a character Klaus didn’t do much, why did they do the bloodline thing to keep him around? It would have been a nice scare for the heroes, to worry about it, but in the end, it should have been one of the other Originals they were tied to. Why have the same villian for 2.5 seasons?

    My woobie word for the season is: irony. How many comments were made (60 years and we can be brothers again, if I met you first, you SHOULD burn in hell) that turned out to be teases because Elena turned and Klaus won again?

  7. Klaus will probs be alive because I’m assuming his werewolf aspect cured him and they need him alive to keep the Salvatores alive… Also I doubt that the writers will have Tyler dead and klaus in his body forever!

    I’m so excited for season 4!!! Maybe it will actually be the season of delena!! (I thought it would be this season 3 but apparently not :P)!!!! Good thing true blood starts up soon or else I would have been depressed all summer just waiting!!

  8. I’m fine!! Alive and well….lol

    Kelly, I’m Ruthie, I run Vampire Diaries Online. :)

  9. Irony is almost always a theme on this show. I wanted them to find a way other than making her a vampire to get rid of the who magic petrova blood thing that has brought nothing but trouble. Now that they’ve done it, they should stick with it. However, even if they don’t, Elena will remember the events in Rose and in the flashback. Esther was going to un vamp her kids. Granted that episode was one of the worst of the entire season, but there is precedent.

    I really HOPE that during this off season, if they’re going to do more witch stuff, that they do a better job of it than in this season because it was really inconsistent (understatement from me) this season.

  10. I think there is reason for Bex at least to stick around. She is sure that Klaus did sire the Salvatore bloodline. And yet they’re alive. But more than that, she’s sick of running. She’s spent almost 1000 years running. Mystic Falls is her original home.

    Besides, I want Claire to stick around and you know what? I think she and Damon make a very sexy couple. So there.:P

  11. I don’t expect Stefan to care one way or the other about Damon’s blood turning her. The important thing is Damon didn’t turn her. Also, I can’t see how her meeting Damon first or Damon’s love confession would make any difference since she alredy knows he loves her. If anything she might be a bit ticked cause he compelled her.

  12. Elena mde the right chose. Stefan is her true love

    Now we have to deal with her meeting Damon first. She may have met him first and compelled her to forget meeting him. It was Stefan that mesmerized her though.

  13. the theory of the bio dad of Klaus is a good one and the writers should act on that……..my question is….did Damon know that his brother Stefan saved Elena from drowning the first time??? Because Damon will be pissed in a big way that Stefan choose “once again to have Elena make a decision of whom to save” and it doesn’t matter if Elena saw Damon first and had that little encounter the fact remains is it was Stefan who heard the car plunge into the lake …he saved her end of story “that is what she will always remember “he chose her” he saved “her” so it’s pointless to think that just because Damon had his” first talk with Elena” makes it all ok not!!!! IT WAS STEFAN WHO SAVED HER …. now my other question is…….when Tyler was transforming into his warewolve thing he mentioned that he was with Bonnie..so was he already Klaus at that point??? The speech he told Caroline that everything would be ok while she was balling her eyes out and to leave now while he was transforming WAS THAT KLAUS???? If so he will know what it’s like to be a warewolfe the pain of broken bones at every full moon………

  14. @Lynn: You are 100% right about the effect of that first meeting to the triangle. Like Julie Plec said in some interview, it will make her wonder a bit. It’s like an extra piece of info, but nothing beyond that. I can hardly believe a show like TVD would decide to do it in a childish way and have Elena choose whoever she technically met first according to the calendar, and disregard whatever she had with Stefan during the past year. If she’s gonna choose Damon in the future (I know she would, at least once even if they may not be endgame), it should be because she loves him and believes he’s the right one for her at that moment. Not bcuz she had a random chat with him a few hours before Stefan saved her life so they are like fated to be together. Well, unless they reveal in next season that DE had like a side love story going on but he compelled her to forget it all and now she remembers. But that would be ridiculous and cheating from the writers’ part.

    Regarding Klaus and Tyler, JPlec said Klaus already took over Tyler’s body at that time. But Tyler is already a hybrid anyway, so he doesn’t have to suffer painful transition every full moon. Besides, Klaus had already gone through this before during his transition from a vampire to a hybrid. They didn’t show he turned into a wolf, but I guess that’s what it was as he woke up naked :P

  15. oh and I forgot to say this. I’d love to see Matty wakes up and remembers the Stef-to-Matt thing LOL you don’t save someone from drowning by letting them just lie there on the ground and magically wake up [unless they were turning into a vampire] LOL

    I also don’t think Stefan is so petty that he would care about whose blood turned Elena when the issue here is his girl just died and came back as a vampire

  16. Is the point of the original meeting with Damon more about his compulsion of Elena re finding love etc!

    It is recited in part by Elena to describe her feelings for Damon “a love that consumes”. So it might be that her feelings for Damon are direct result of his compulsion. Now that the compulsion has ended, she may be be starting from scratch about how she feels for him and quite possibly for Stefan too if Damon’s compulsion has influenced her feelings for both because her feelings will be based on he history with them and her genuine feelings.

    I don’t think Elijah bought the whole Klaus is gone bit when he spoke to Rebecca. I think there will be a whole lot of digging up that bloodline to make sure whether he is really their sire and if so why aren’t they dead. Since Elena is lying on a slab, one presumes at least some of the town will be expecting her to be dead so we should be doing a road trip with Caroline, Tylaus and the Bros.

  17. @frogee I don’t think damons compulsion was bout her love it was just to make her forget she an him had met. I don’t think it will effect her choice.. I think she’ll be mad he compelled her an I think that when damon was talking to her he was telling her that she wants a love that consumes her. Its kinda like cheerleading in the 1st season when he told her to quit..
    But honestly to those who r delena fans u might as well pack ur bags including myself there obviously stringin us along.. The triangle is never gonna be unless they show us that she truly loves both brothers as of right now I have only seen lust.. Until she comes out an says I love u damon more than just a friend I’m over the triangle..
    As for this season I hope that they do better in four I’m gonna give them half a season but if things don’t pick up sad to say I’m gonna be out. They need to have the good guys win even if its little wins like in buffy. They have overly dragged out kluas as the villian. I like Joseph but his character on the show has been poorly written. He always wins I hated to see him die but I was like yeaa the brothers so just stomped him but no he’s switch around hope he’s not played as villian again.
    Elena as a vamp hope they don’t change her back but I also hope she grows up..

  18. in response back to Mun thanks for the support on that one!!!!!!!!!! and the way Damon was lying on the ground ready to pounce on some poor unsuspecting victim (which by the way might have been her parents) only proves what an evil vampire he was……….but that’s ok right?…only Klaus was never given that consideration before he bit the dust lol…..

  19. Guys, remember when Caroline turned into vampire, she remembered everything, even some things that Damon forced her to forget. I think the same will be with Elena. Then she remembers that she has met Damon first!
    And maybe finally we will have a Delena season!

  20. @melissa I doubt well get a delena moment I think they tease a little but utimately she will be wit stefan I don’t feel as though there gonna have a delena moment ever. They say she be wit stefan in four for awhile so I just don’t think delena wi,l happen even though I wish they’d have half a season wit damon..

  21. @tink88 I’m with you on that one.

    This year was supposed to be the year of The Originals and Bonnie was supposed to be at the center of it all and it was supposed to be about Delena… Yet, it was more like the year or the “Let’s tease DE fans into believing we will give them something!”, the “Hybrid going softy on us” and “Why is Caroline suddenly taking so much place when she as barely there in S1?!”. Obviously the track broke down and the wagons went in a different direction. From what I’ve read so far by JP, next year will be big for Tyler and Bonnie (funny that they are the two characters that we’ve barely seen this year, huh?!) and that as tink88 said JP talked about it being SE for a while… So… meh, I don’t see next year being DE either. I pretty much think that next year will be the year Elena dies OR that she drops both guys… or better they drop her! :D *giggles* (I’m cruel I know, I know)

    But I still agree with Melissa being a vampire will erase any compulsion that Elena was under and she will remember everything made her forget.

    What I hope to see is how Elena will deal with the fact that she didn’t want to be a vampire and that for once, her decision backfired on her and that this decision is what made her a vampire now! LOL Talk about bad karma.

  22. @Marie this season was suppose to be originals an yet they talked a little bout reb an had kluas more but elijha Finn kol they aren’t in it hardley at all.. I thought they were going to show each ones life a little an how they were before they got boxed hell they only showed a few episodes bout the originals but that was to learn bout klaus.. This season was more a tease to appease delena all I have to say if u have no attention to do it leave damon alone this season his got kick in the face more than not fisrt he has he roporter stefan kills her then reb but that turned south now he wants someone who is impossible to reach.. I get for those who love stefan but even those of u who love stefan gotta admit damon gets the bad end. Like I said they talkin bout se for four but they want pple to think that de has a chance I’m tellin all de u might as well let that ship go obviously just want to appease both sides an that’s the only way is to give little pieces o she might well I thought she might last episode but we all see how that turned out..

  23. tink88 You know why I think their aren’t going into the DE ship fully?! Because DE fans are expecting Damon and Elena to sleep together and I think THAT is the only thing the writers don’t want to do, but the way they wrote that relationship backfired on them. Fans were mad this season with Elena for “playing” Damon, but also for bringing down both brothers who took everything only to beg for more of her attention and then went to back to Stefan, but people were also mad that Elena was playing brothers. No matter if we live in the 21st-22nd-23rd century, sleeping with two brothers and going back an forth between them would make the show jump the shark, especially with Elena. At this point, I feel more like SE and DE fans just one to have the final word in that endless fight, but me, looking from the outside, this season, Elena doesn’t deserve the Salvatore AT ALL.

  24. @ Marie I agree I didn’t want them to sleep together I just wanted her to give a chance to maybe a relationship I think pple would ahave been more ok wit them at least trying I know I would have.. Instead they just put her right back wit stefan I woulda been more with half a season of them trying to make a relattionship an havin it fail then tease then nothing.. I hope she ends up with neither if she’s gonna keep bouncing back an forth.. Also I hope they have a new villian I’m reading where klaus is goin to be pissy if they try to put him in the villain I’m gonna be sick.

  25. @tink88 The writers stuck themselves in a corner with Klaus and they look like they don’t know what to do with him anymore. I’m still saying that the biggest mistake they ever did was the bloodline thing, especially Klaus being the one at the head of the Salvatore’s line. I’ve been ready for Klaus to be gone for a while now and unless this new thing gives a breath of fresh air to S4, I really don’t know what they are going to do. JP said that a lot of new characters were coming to Mystic Fall next season and obviously that didn’t do any good to S3… I don’t care if Klaus is a fan favorite, a villain who draws ponies doesn’t deserve to live LOL I loooooooove Joseph Morgan, but Klaus, hell no! Not the way they portrayed him on TV. But yes, a new and REAL villain needs to come in.

    About DE, with the way they made Damon, it would have been unrealistic of him and very OOC of him to not sleep with Elena, once again writers put themselves in a corner with a lot of stuff this year. And OBVIOUSLY trying to please everyone backfired big time. But I admit, they should have tried to make anything work (at least a bit) with DE, but they didn’t, is anyone really surprised?! *giggles*

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