I have always loved the one-liners, the snark, and the biting sarcasm the writers give these characters. It makes for a fun show. And sometimes gives giggles during hard convos.
Here’s my favorites from 5.02 “One Wrong Turn on Bourbon.”
Klaus: The years have been kind to you.
Freya: You know, just, sunblock, the love of a good woman, and literal witchcraft.
Klaus: No story beginning with water turning to blood has ended in triumph.
Josh: If I die. No tequila. I want wailing. Sobbing in the streets. Rainbow flags waving at half-mast.
Vincent: Well, its gonna take something a Helluva lot stronger than an apology coffee for a Mikaelson Family emergency.
Freya: Yeah, well, I thought you might say that so that’s more whiskey than it is coffee. Take a big gulp.
Freya [to Vincent]: And, after she reads your palm, maybe she’ll let you palm her . . . alright, no crystal ball puns for you.
Klaus: Does Hayley have any enemies?
Declan: Nah, she’s a single mother, not a supervillan. You’re Hope’s father, aren’t you? You look like her ’round the eyes.
Klaus: If you don’t cooperate, Declan ’round the eyes, is where I’m going to start carving off pieces of you.
Declan: Hayley stood me up. Ok? Its not exactly rare. I figured, Hell, Hope’s dad must’ve done a number on ‘er. But, well, since you’re obviously a right ray of sunshinte, must’ve been someone else broke her heart. And Hope’s.
Josh: Look, Henry killed a cool person that didn’t deserve to die. He can’t just go back to Geometry class after that.
Marcel: I don’t care if he’s half werewolf, or half mermaid. I protect my guys.
Roman: Did you know you have a dead red-head wrapped in a sheet in your parlor?
Hope: Yeah, that’s my Dad’s crazy ex. Its a sleeping spell, just no one really knows what to do with her.
Hope: And my Dad is . . . Klaus Mikealson.
Roman: So, that makes you . . .
Hope: The mythical tri-brid freak show.
Josh: Ok. Um. Underaged hybrid chained up in my house. To be clear, the optics on this are not awesome.
Roman: Your blood turns werewolves into hybrids?
Hope: And my kiss turns princes into frogs. Maybe. The theory remains untested.
* Klaus yells “Hope” from the entrance of the compound *
Hope: You have to go. He will literally wear your spine as a necklace, leave.
Klaus: So you had your little hybrid friend attack your mother?
Hope: Henry just did the heavy lifting! And attack is a really strong word. Mom’s fine. In a really nice coffin. Sleeping. I cloaked her in a sleeping spell that I wrote myself.
Klaus: Well, in that case, I couldn’t be prouder!
Keelin: I can’t believe Hope did this.
Freya: No, she’s right on schedule. My teenaged temper-tantrums involved birds falling out of the sky and entire villages burning, so . . . family tradition.
Hope: I didn’t know I had to knock before entering the astral plane! Sorry I interrupted your murder orgy!
Hope: . . . and I have to be quiet, little Hope Marshall, when I am so mad, I wanna scream.
Klaus: Well, welcome to the bloody party!
Marcel: You are good. Period. Show me anybody who says otherwise. I’ll eat ’em.
Keep your eye out for some snark in tonight’s episode!